Rory’s story: It was supposed to be the best year of our lives but we ended up living apart for five months

2023 was supposed to be the best year of our lives, having our first child in Spring and getting married at Christmas time.

Within 12 weeks we went from the feeling of reassurance that the 20 week scan gave us, to living apart for nearly five months when Megan was admitted to a Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) following a mental health crisis.

I'd heard of the baby blues and postnatal depression but I'd never heard of postpartum psychosis (PP), which happens in around 1-2 in 1000 pregnancies. I also didn't know the most common cause of death of women within a year of having a child was suicide, a risk I didn't think we would be managing after becoming parents for the first time.

While PP most often occurs following birth, our case was slightly different and things started to go wrong while Megan was still pregnant. She became more and more anxious about the pregnancy, worrying that something awful was happening and that she couldn't feel any movement. We were visiting A&E regularly, being sent for yet another scan, waiting for hours to be told everything was fine and being asked if this was our first child. People suggesting we were worrying for no reason became our  norm.

However, we were told she didn’t meet the threshold for perinatal mental health support when we finally got an assessment. This cycle went on for weeks with Megan's anxiety becoming worse by the day, and her severe sleep issues led to stronger delusional beliefs. It was only when Megan became suicidal that I feel like we were finally listened to.

At 32 weeks pregnant she was sectioned. It was awful for her and I will never forget the sadness in her eyes as I had to say goodbye. As difficult as that was I knew that her safety, and our unborn child were the priority. A few weeks later, our beautiful son was born prematurely and he spent some time in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, while I spent my days visiting him in one part of the hospital and Megan in the other. Three weeks later was the first sign of hope I had, as Oscar was discharged and able to move to the MBU to be with his mummy, and supported by the most wonderful nursery team who looked after my family outside of visiting hours and when I returned to work.

Coming back to an empty flat for the best part of five months broke my heart but mums and their babies need each other and that's one of the reasons MBUs exist. Sadly,  there still isn't enough of them across the UK and none at all in Northern Ireland where we planned to have our children. I spent a lot of time researching postpartum psychosis and finding the stories on APP’s website and forum gave me hope - as did the MBU staff reassuring me that "she will get better".

When Megan and Oscar came home I told myself if I could get through those months, everything else would be a breeze. And whilst things slowly got better, my personal resilience was shot, just as I was finally feeling like a proper dad for the first time and not relying on hospital staff. In truth the last year and a half has not been easy as Megan continued to recover at home, and we have both had our mental health challenges.

Megan continued to engage in the professional services even when she didn’t want to. Her  hard work, support from our family who visited regularly, our patience for each other and the love of the most amazing little human have got us to where we are now. Now we are looking forward and building memories as a family and have a lot be thankful for. Sadly not everyone makes it this far, but those who access the support we have are able to have a much better chance.

Seeing how far Megan has come in the last 6 months makes me proud. She kept a lot of her feelings and experiences inside as there is a lot of stigma associated with mental illness, but she has come through that and no longer feels shame. She has now shared her experiences openly with friends and family, many of whom had no idea what she went through, as well as social media, and that's what's inspired me to write this.

The work of APP is critical in raising awareness including their campaign to open Northern  Ireland’s first MBU, and educating medical professionals in maternal mental health. For anyone reading this who is going through something similar, don’t lose hope as things really can get better.