All posts by Emma Harvey

Sue's poems: Method in my madness

Sue Mckendrick
Sue and baby Alex in 2000

Sue experienced PP after the birth of her son Alex in 2000. On the occasion of their 50th birthdays in 2016, Sue and husband Iain asked friends and family to donate to APP, instead of giving them gifts. They raised an incredible sum, over £700! We are so grateful to Sue and Iain and their generous donors.  When we got in touch to thank them, Sue sent us a copy of her book, “Method in my Madness” – the title of which came to her during her episode of PP 16 years ago. Here we share three of her wonderful poems.

Sue reflects, “In the year 2000,  my world was turned upside-down. I had Postpartum Psychosis, a severe episode of mental illness which begins suddenly in the days following childbirth. During my mania, I was mad about poetry and I promised to write a book called “Method in my Madness”.  Clearly, such an idea was ridiculous, because at the time, I could not focus to write a single coherent sentence!  It took me about 7 years before I could face writing a poem as it brought back such painful memories.

These poems are a personal reflection on this difficult period in my life.  This experience has changed my attitude towards mental illness.  As a result, I don’t take my own mental health for granted and try to find time to unwind.”

Out the Sun Roof

Natural birth cancelled and birth plan
abandoned; the baby didn’t come on cue.
Wired up, monitored more than
I wish; should the details be taboo?
Surgeon poised with his knife.
Is this the best day of my life?

They top up the epidural
I can feel poking and prodding.
Midwife and surgeon in conferral;
head stuck, pushing and pulling.
Implements and gowns all sterile.
Iain is watching and holding
my hand; overwhelmed, is it joy?
Huge relief: a baby boy!

One week later, I was in the Royal Edinburgh Hospital.  Mental health provisions for mother and baby were inadequate and I was separated from my new baby. 

Just a New Mum

Just a new mum: all nervous and tense.
No strength to move about,
cut off from baby, no self–confidence.
Feeling I need to punch out
at doctors who irritate and annoy.
My abilities, I have come to doubt:
one moment sad, one moment happy
and no idea how to change a nappy!

Overwhelmed, I feel overcome.
The ward is abuzz.
Crying because I want my mum;
can’t sleep; my head’s a fuzz;
painkillers make me dazed and numb.
I write lists, joke and sing because
lost my judgement, lost my mind,
memories seem misaligned.

Is this a nervous breakdown?
Pyschosis is diagnosed, agreed;
all day in my dressing gown.
Eyesight distorted, can’t read.
I’m just a new mum – all slowed down.
Expressing milk but can’t feed.
How can I be in such a state,
scared of what will be my fate?

Method in my Madness

With glistening eyes oozing sadness,
he is stressed and tense.
“I think there’s method in my madness!”

He listens and gives me a look,
not wishing to cause offense,
his glistening eyes oozing sadness.

“That’ll be the title of my book.”
It will be full of common sense.
Good title: Method in my Madness!

“Do you like it?”  I burble.
He is sitting on the fence,
his glistening eyes oozing sadness.

Baby Alex gurgles.
If only I could write a single sentence.
There must be some method in my madness.

I start to tell a joke about Agnes
and Ayli next door, but lose my focus,
my glistening eyes oozing sadness.
Some day you’ll find method in my madness!

Dr Jessica Heron speaks on BBC Radio Wiltshire

Dr Jessica HeronOn 30th Nov Dr Jess Heron, Director of APP was asked to speak on Radio Wiltshire's Breakfast programme. She was asked to respond to the news that Wiltshire mum, Holly York, said that the NHS let her down after she gave birth and was suffering from extreme Postpartum Psychosis.

Jess took the opportunity to explain more about Postpartum Psychosis and to comment on its current status within the field of perinatal mental health. In addition she made an appeal for continued support of APP charity as a consequence upon the ending of major funding by The Big Lottery.

You can listen again here.

2016 International Marcé Society Conference - Melbourne, Australia

The Marce Society was founded in 1980 by Professor Ian Brockington (also founder of APP’s research network). The Society promotes research into the mental health of women, their infants, and partners around the time of childbirth, and the Marce Society’s biennial conference plays host to the most cutting edge international research in Perinatal Mental Health. Dr Sue Smith, Consultant Perinatal Psychiatrist, Cardiff, first attended the Conference in 1996. She reports for APP on the differences she has noticed between then and now.

Marce Conference - Action on Postpartum PsychosisOn returning from the Marcé biennial meeting in Melbourne in September I was keen to consolidate the copious notes I had made and summarise what I had learnt. Digging around in my office I found that I had done a similar exercise after attending my first Marcé meeting in London in 1996. I was struck by the similarities between what was presented and discussed then and what was still on the agenda 20 years later.

However what has changed is the number of people who are talking about perinatal mental health, the increased multidisciplinary aspect of the membership of the Marcé, the input from women with lived experience and the ‘women power’ represented by the number of recent female presidents!

It is probably fair to say that in 1996 perinatal mental health services were regarded as something of a luxury. Twenty years on despite still trying to understand the biological underpinnings of peripartum mood disorder (and I left scratching my head after some of these talks!) the absence of a service is now more of a talking point than the presence of one. In the UK the tireless work of the Maternal Mental Health Alliance has highlighted the areas where services are lacking - and the hope is that its launch globally, announced at the conference by Alain Gregoire, will achieve similar things on a worldwide scale.

Accepting that for many countries services are limited and that those attending Marcé are likely to be people from places where services are developing or have developed, it is still impressive that I heard many inspirational talks from various parts of the world including  Australia, New Zealand, Canada, USA, Portugal, Scandinavia, France, Malaysia, Bangalore and of course the UK.

A major theme throughout the conference was the importance of pregnancy and within this  a particularly fascinating talk was given by Rachel Yehuda from the USA. Her work on holocaust survivors may have demonstrated that psychological difficulties in their offspring could be related to preconception effects of trauma, passed on at conception and further developed during pregnancy.

Marce conference - Action on Postpartum PsychosisThe concept "It takes a village to raise a child" was a lovely way of introducing a number of talks about how in western societies the role of the family and wider social networks in supporting women in the postnatal period has largely been lost. The challenge is how to replicate this sensitively within the networks of professionals women now encounter in the perinatal period.

There were a number of presentations about fathers and the importance of acknowledging their part in it all. It was interesting to hear about a service where dads were texted daily to ask how they were. It also reminded them to complement their wives/ partners who appreciated this even though they knew they had needed prompting to do it! It was great to see Mark Williams from Wales talk passionately about his experience when his wife suffered severe postnatal depression - though I think his "by 'ere" may have confused some people!

On the theme of decision making about and within pregnancy, it was great to hear Claire Dolman talking about the dilemmas of pregnancy in bipolar disorder and the recent BJPsych open article she did with Ian Jones and Louise Howard.

Simone Vigod from Toronto talked about a decision aid they are developing regards taking antidepressants during pregnancy. Initial results did not demonstrate a great reduction in decisional conflict but with some refinement this could be a very useful tool.

It is very unusual to see a drug company representative at a perinatal meeting but Sage Therapeutics from the USA bucked this trend by presenting their very early but potentially exciting research using allopregnanolone, a metabolite of progesterone, for postnatal depression. It is early days but initial results were promising so watch this space!

Marce Conference - Action on Postpartum PsychosisIt wasn’t all hard work - the Gala Dinner was followed by us being taught how to do Bollywood dancing in advance of the next meeting in Bangalore - some of you may recognise who is getting into the swing of it all!

 

My take home messages were
-  pregnancy is a very important time
-  more research is still needed regards the biological underpinnings of peripartum mood disorders as every answer we get provokes another question
-  remember the dads
-  a lot of people care about this field including those with the power to do something about it i.e those with the purse strings - so we have to keep nagging!
- roll on Bangalore 2018

Marce Conference - Action on Postpartum Psychosis
APP Trustees Dr Ian Jones and Clare Dolman with MMHA's Alain Gregoire and Emily Slater

 

Marce conference - Action on Postpartum Psychosis
Dr Sue Smith