The fourth day after the birth of my first baby was the start of my meltdown. I had no history or mental health issues. Confusion, extreme anxiousness and terror mounted and I hadn’t slept for four days. It happened suddenly and severely, within hours. I was manic and couldn’t walk, talk or think. I held my phone but couldn’t work out how to call for help.
Over two weeks, I had delusions and scribbled notes frantically. My mind was spiraling yet I had moments of clarity. My thoughts raced so fast, I developed a stutter. I felt like a baby re-learning how to eat, walk and talk. It was exhausting. I couldn't read or watch TV and was terrified by people moving or speaking too fast. I couldn't process thoughts quickly enough to understand. I was learning how to care for my baby at the same time as trying to survive myself. I was scared I’d be separated from my baby. I wanted information but nothing was explained to me. They thought I was crazy. I was so very scared.
Severe depression developed. I was numb and rarely left the house. It took a year to bond with my baby. I was suicidal for three months. After two years I made a full recovery but chose not to have more children.