Tag Archives: postpartum psychosis

6 June 2024

Eli’s story: PP made me miss the first 3 months of being a mum – but we found ways to make up for it

Going home from the Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) was bittersweet. I had missed out on the first three months of being a mum in my own home, but we started afresh, creating a nest, opening presents and taking a short family holiday. It was a truly great way to mark my recovery from such a horrible illness.

I always knew there would be some risk of postpartum psychosis (PP) because I had been previously diagnosed with bipolar. I did all the research, spoke to my doctor and decided to come off my meds while we were trying to get pregnant. When it happened, everything seemed to go smoothly, except in the background, as I have since discovered, things weren’t quite going to plan, as I wasn’t classed as high risk in the system, so my risk wasn’t properly flagged and planned for throughout the process.

The birth itself was simply magical.

I had a rare en caul birth, where my baby boy was born still in the sack, and it was a water birth too. It was a wonderful experience having to break the sack and meet him and, even though this was in the midst of the first lockdown and my partner, James, was only able to be there for the active labour, everything felt right. I was discharged quickly and was home by the following morning.

For the next few weeks I was seemingly quite well, aside from feeling a bit down because I couldn’t have anyone visit and fawn over the baby due to lockdown. However, when he was about a month old I started getting paranoid thoughts, collapsing and having panic attacks. I’ve got a big family and we’re very close so I was calling them all, telling them that there was something wrong with me. I started getting paranoid that James was having an affair and that resulted in me going to stay with my parents for a week.

By this point I hadn’t been sleeping, and I had been off my meds for about a year.

My psychosis quickly intensified, from paranoid thoughts and panic attacks to acting out, believing strange things, praying on the ground and vomiting. I ended up being admitted to an MBU (Mother and Baby Unit) and I was quickly put back on my meds, but it took a little while to get back on track - probably because my hormones were all over the place. I also think it’s quite normal to have a dip when you’re first admitted, and I certainly didn’t do all that well at first. I had to have 24-hour observation so there was always someone watching me which was a bit unnerving. In fact, when I was acutely unwell, in some ways it felt like the end of the world, because I had no idea what was real and what wasn’t.

After a while though I started to improve. I began working more positively with the professionals and getting involved in all the activities on offer – from the sensory room and baby massage, to pampering for the mums, exercise classes, arts and crafts and baking.

I also accessed peer support in the MBU, and I met Jocelyn and Hannah from APP who would pop in a few times a week. We’d have cups of tea and chat and it made such a big difference to me. Finding other women who had been through the same things as me was really reassuring and it gave me so much hope.

In total, I was in hospital for about ten or eleven weeks, and then finally I was able to go home.

I was really excited about getting back home. I was desperate to make my nest with my baby and catch up on all the things we’d missed out on at the start of our parenting journey. It was August so we treated ourselves to a short break to Wales, spending time outside and on the beach which was lovely. And at home, with all our home comforts around us and the new baby presents we hadn’t been able to open when I was so poorly, things were starting to get much better. We started our baby memory book, and I began going to baby yoga classes and meeting up with other mums for short walks outdoors. I was really proud of myself and how far I’d come.

I was under the perinatal team for some time, having a nurse visit each week, but I found this really helpful and we had such a good rapport. If there were any problems I knew I could turn to her. But my recovery was going really well at the time.

Sadly, I did have a brief relapse in 2022. While my bipolar and pregnancy obviously created a risk for PP, it was then discovered that I also had Graves Disease – a hyperthyroid problem that can trigger very similar symptoms to bipolar. I didn’t experience psychosis this time around, but it was an episode of mania that resulted in another hospitalisation. I’ve since found out that hyperthyroidism runs in my family and it can be triggered around pregnancy and childbirth. While it was some time after giving birth that I became manic, I do still wonder if there was a hormonal link.

Since that episode though everything has been managed well and I’m back on my bipolar meds, as well as my thyroid medication.

I’ve felt stable and well and feel really positive about the future.

It was after this relapse and well into my recovery from it that I had a kind of full circle moment. I was thinking about all the peer support I received at the MBU, as well as through the APP café groups I attended after my hospital discharge. I really wanted to give something back, so I applied for a role as an APP volunteer, and then, after some time volunteering, I applied for a job as a sessional peer support worker, which I was offered and still do to this day. It feels amazing being able to pass on that support and help other women.

James and I have decided not to have any more children, which is difficult to come to terms with and in some ways feels like a sort of grief. However, the risk of PP happening again, combined with my age and the fact that I am taking hyperthyroid meds kind of brought us to that conclusion. It’s sad, but I am so grateful for the wonderful family I have.

We’ve had our ups and downs but if anything, this experience has just made us stronger. Coming back from an illness like PP is hard, but we’ve found our groove, and now we’re just focusing on making happy memories together.

4 June 2024

Shaheda’s story: A foot spa on the MBU turned into a really powerful peer support session

While I was unwell and under the care of a Mother and Baby Unit (MBU), I accepted the offer of a foot spa from a lady on the ward. I thought it was just a pampering session to help me feel better but meeting her was to prove far more powerful than that.

Mental health isn’t talked about enough in the Bangladeshi community. I for one had no prior mental health problems and had never heard of postpartum psychosis (PP) until I was diagnosed with it in 2018. It came like a bolt out of the blue and, while my faith and spirituality has always got me through the tough times, I realised I needed more support than ever during that period.

My journey to giving birth wasn’t easy. I had two back-to-back miscarriages and was referred for investigations in 2017. However, the doctor advised us to keep trying, and I fell pregnant again at the start of 2018.

I felt really anxious about it, but Birmingham Women’s Hospital were great, really looking after me and the pregnancy seemed to progress really well. After the first trimester, I started to relax into it.

However, as the birth approached, things didn’t quite go as planned. Three days before my induction date they found signs of preeclampsia, and I was kept in for monitoring. I spent two nights on a labour ward and wasn’t able to sleep due to everything that was going on around me. Once the induction was started it did not progress well, so I ended up having a Caesarean and then my beautiful baby girl finally arrived.

By this point I hadn’t slept in over six days and, looking back, this is when I started to become unwell.

I remember the first morning in hospital after the birth the noises around me felt piercingly loud – cleaning, banging, bins clattering, mops and buckets. My senses were heightened and I couldn’t wait to get home. I was exhausted and completely overwhelmed with emotions.

I thought being at home would make everything OK, but I was still extremely emotional. I was unable to sleep, I struggled with breastfeeding and I felt like a failure.

One night in bed, my husband gave me a piece of Indian sweet that I usually love, but when I put it in my mouth it felt like superglue. I started thinking somebody was trying to poison me and I became really anxious and felt like I couldn’t breathe.

I don’t remember too much about what happened next but my family came round, and they were frantically checking my pulse, my blood pressure and my sugar levels. They then called an ambulance because I was acting so out of character and was in so much distress.

The first time the paramedics came out I was behaving quite normally again – this can happen with PP, where you have these episodes but your behaviours can seemingly return to normal in between. However, I must have got much worse after they left that first time because the next thing I remember is waking up in an ambulance as I was taken to A&E.

I remember feeling like I couldn’t trust anyone - I didn’t even trust my family with my baby and I believed the doctors were all fake.

At that point I was just sent home with medication, but things got much worse over the following days. I became obsessed with cleanliness, obsessed with prayer. I began feeling paranoid, thinking that someone was out to get me, and then I started thinking that my daughter was special and that I had the secret to the universe in my head.

So many things were going round and round in my mind, I felt scared all the time to the point I couldn’t go to the bathroom alone. I couldn’t eat because of weird tastes in my mouth. I kept trying to connect dots and draw special meanings from everything around me. I felt like my brain was firing on all cylinders; that I had a higher knowledge and special abilities.

I ended up going back to the GP but this time it was because my daughter had some gastric problems. But while I was there, I had another episode, throwing a cup of water on the floor and demanding to see a different GP. The doctor realised I was really unwell and referred me to mental health services.

By the Monday, when my midwife and health visitor came, they found me dancing around, falling on the floor and trying to hide under the sofa. It was this episode that sparked the emergency admission to a general psych ward. It was awful – my thoughts were racing and it felt like the end of the world. I thought I was going to be locked away forever.

After two nights on the ward I was referred to a Mother and Baby Unit (MBU). It was Christmas Eve when I was admitted and most of the patients had gone home. This made my beliefs about the nurses and doctors not being real even more intense.

But slowly, I started to have this realisation that being in hospital was indeed real and just what I needed. I picked up a leaflet in the corridor that explained what PP was and I started googling it and reading about it on my phone. It was all starting to make sense.

At the MBU I was reunited with my daughter and my husband was able to come and help too. Although I was reluctant to interact with other patients, I bonded with some of the staff. I started journaling, noting down dates and times, setting things out chronologically. I started following a routine and this helped me to stay calm. Simple actions like waking up and showering, making breakfast, and keeping to a set pattern really helped my recovery.

Something truly wonderful also happened while I was staying on the MBU.

The lady who was there giving manicures and pedicures to patients treated me to a foot spa, and it was while we were chatting that she told me she also had experience of PP. This was the first time I heard somebody else talking about going through exactly what I had. I was blown away by how much we had in common. She was Greek so we shared some of our cultural experiences about mental health awareness in our communities too. Just talking about those paranoias and fears that went through my head was so helpful.

By the February, after a few days at home, I was discharged into the community team. By the September I went back to work. I was more or less fully recovered. I gave up my psychology sessions because I felt well enough but I do regret not talking about it more.

Thankfully, the lady I met on the MBU sent me some leaflets about APP and the support on offer. I didn’t reach out right away, but when I did, I met Natalie and had some great peer support sessions over a coffee. It was a while after that when APP’s CEO, Jess, asked me if I’d like to get involved in the charity’s diverse communities programme and I haven’t looked back.

I’m now a peer support worker helping other women and hosting the Muslim women’s café group, as well as raising more awareness of PP in Black and Asian communities. I really want to get people talking about PP. I, for one, believe if I had known about PP I could have got help sooner.

I think speaking to others is really important because you realise that you’re not alone. My husband and my family have been brilliant, especially my husband who bore the brunt of everything. I can’t thank him enough for all the support he gave me. But it’s also good to talk to someone who has been there. I urge anyone who has been through PP or is recovering from it to reach out for support. Don’t struggle on alone.

14 May 2024

Double your donation with Kind2Mind

Double the donation, double the impact

Action on Postpartum Psychosis are delighted to have been chosen to be part of another Big Give match funding campaign. Our Big Give Kind2Mind campaign starts today, Tuesday 14th May, as part of national Mental Health Awareness Week.

This means that from noon on 14th May to noon on 28th May, every donation we receive via our campaign page on The Big Give website (www.bit.ly/APPBigGive2024) will be doubled, thanks to match funding from The Big Give.

So, if you’d like to donate to APP over the next fortnight, we would be so grateful – and your donation would have DOUBLE the impact – you donate £5, APP will receive £10; you donate £25, APP receives £50 and so on.

Our target for the month is to reach £2,500 in donations – which would mean a total of £5,000 raised.

Our target of £5,000 could help us significantly increase our offer of help and support for families affected by postpartum psychosis (PP) - a treatable medical emergency that affects around 1400 women in the UK each year.

When a mum is diagnosed with PP, the impact of the illness on her loved ones can be significant, and we want to be there for them. We provide one-to-one support and dedicated café groups for dads, co-parents and grandparents and vital information when they need it most.

Will you donate today and get your donation doubled?

We're so grateful for your support – every single donation we receive really does make a big difference to the work we do.

If you aren’t able to donate at the moment, we totally understand – but please do share our campaign with others if you can.

That link again is www.bit.ly/APPBigGive2024 - only donations through that page will be doubled. You'll also find shareable posts on our social media feeds over the next couple of weeks.

Now could also be a great time to think about holding a Big Bake event! Find out more here...

3 May 2024

Everyone is Here to Help – A healing account of postpartum psychosis and recovery

When her son was only two weeks old, Ruth was sectioned and admitted to a Mother and Baby Unit where she was treated for postpartum psychosis.

While there, she took copious notes, photographs and had lengthy correspondences by text with her family. Ruth’s detailed notes and messages allow for a unique insight into the experience of this complex and often frightening condition.

Published on 30th April, to mark Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week, Ruth has written a memoir which uses these materials to reconstruct her experience alongside insights and reflections from a well perspective.

An extract

One morning in December 2020, just after my son turned one, my mind busied with thoughts and memories: they flooded me. I took a green pack of post-its and started jotting down thoughts and memories, and didn’t stop until a couple of hours later. What I was writing were reflections from after our beautiful baby boy was born. Two weeks into motherhood, I became seriously ill with postpartum psychosis and was admitted to a Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) two hours away from where we lived. There, I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act and remained for five weeks and five days.

In a very short space of time I went from the strength and excitement of being a new mum, to the miserable fall of mental instability and unreality. It was terrifying. I felt it unfair and unlucky to have suffered in this way, but blessed that there was a bed available for me so I was not separated from our gorgeous baby boy.

I have referred to the unit fondly and simply as ‘MBU' throughout this book, as that’s the name we used at the time and since. This book was written predominantly for myself. I felt, if I wrote everything down, I could move on more easily and would help the last stages of healing: that it could give me some closure and quieten my mind again. I used my diary, the notes in my phone, photographs, phone messages and hospital paperwork to help me piece together a coherent picture of what I had gone through.

Even with these to help me, I have found that the great swings in emotion throughout each day, and the new light that hindsight and health have cast on those experiences, has made it hard to keep the story as clean and clear as I might wish it could be. I also strongly believe that I owe it to my ‘ill self' to give her a voice, as even though she was ill, wrong, delusional – she still existed. And so although I have written it mostly retrospectively, from a place of relative health, I have kept the first person notes made at the time, to ensure that her voice is heard and that every version of the events that transpired there is represented. These ramblings are often muddled, confused and nonsensical, and I should warn those of you who are reading this that it is not always a happy place to be.

I have also chosen to include messages between me and my family, because they were such a crucial element of my experience and recovery, and to whom I am always thankful, ever thankful. These are conversations between myself and my parents, my husband, and my sister – people with whom I was in constant daily contact. Again, they express the raw emotions we experienced, and the help I received during my time there. Writing this book has been highly emotional – embarrassing at times. I also know that witnessing me become so unwell cannot have been easy for any of my family or friends. It pains me to think of my husband waving goodbye to his wife and baby boy - barely three weeks old. The cruelty of false reality: I am not sure who it is more upsetting or frustrating for.

I'd be lying if I said what happened to me was completely behind me, that I feel nothing but positivity from the experience, as that isn't the case. Recovery isn't linear. I still have days where I cry at the drop of a hat, feel that life was unfair, I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I hadn’t been admitted. At times I still feel that I missed out terribly on Eddie's first few weeks and I just get days where I feel cross and angry and upset, and maybe I can't even put my wild emotions into words.

I could not, however, have made the swift recovery I did without the dedication of the staff at MBU, their Outreach Team, the Perinatal Mental Health Team and also the unlimited love, support and encouragement from my incredible family and friends. Thank you all for being so strong for me throughout this strange and truly challenging experience. I wish you all peace and hope in your minds, health in your bodies and love in your hearts.

I also wrote this book with the hope that women who have experienced postpartum psychosis, or have had negative experiences with mental illness, may learn something from what I have been through - that some may find focus and strength in my story - and that perhaps healthcare professionals and carers alike might gain insight into this serious illness by reading my story.

Ruth's book about her experience of postpartum psychosis is available to buy now from Foyles, Waterstones and Amazon, with 2% from the sale of each copy going to APP.

24 April 2024

APP’s Review of "The Cord” now playing at the Bush Theatre in London

Bijan Sheibani’s new play, The Cord, explores the intergenerational impact of postpartum psychosis - of becoming a father with knowledge of your own mother’s PP many years before.

Bijan - an award-winning director (Netflix’s One Day, The Arrival, Morning Song) - worked with APP to research the experiences of women who had become grandparents after PP, and of adult children whose mums had experienced PP.

APP’s Chief Executive, Dr Jess Heron, reviews "The Cord”:

'Most couples, struggling with a new baby, experience sleeplessness, anxiety and burnout, but it is the unsaid in this play which enthrals.

Bijan captures the realities of new fatherhood, motherhood and grandparenthood with beautifully crafted dialogue. Through the comfortable and funny domestic realism, we gradually become aware of an unresolved, unspoken, hinterland - which a new baby has the power to detonate in the present. We witness the newborn’s ability to at once give joy and pleasure, rake up pain; and fracture present relationships: loving son with his mother; husband with his wife; father with his newborn; and son in law with his in-laws. All are affected by the power of this past ‘illness' yet this is only obliquely referred to and remains largely hidden throughout the play.

The postnatal narrative is somewhat turned on its head. We expect the young mother, Anya, to be the one struggling, not her partner, Ash. The slow-burn range of emotions he suffers, as he lives the marginalisation of fatherhood, is set within the context of two typically supportive, doting families, both seemingly operating with the very best of intentions. This normality, with an underbelly hiding something more, makes for an edgy juxtaposition - and has us wanting to scream: “Communicate: things are unravelling!”

Instead, throughout the play, we get weighty pauses and brief superficial responses between all three characters until, like a pressure cooker, the lid comes off. The exchanges between Anya and Ash are so realistic, yet, particularly in Ash's dreams, we realise that something else, something heavier is at play. Ash struggles to find an outlet for his own emotions and mental health experiences in the spaces between the needs of the other characters.

The climax sees Ash finally break down and hit out at his mother about not talking to him about what has been hinted at throughout: the losses, guilt and shame of her postpartum psychosis, and resulting physical disability, some 30 years before. Despite her deep and abiding love for her son and her delight at the arrival of a new grandson, this unspoken experience of mental illness has the power to impact the family many years later. Similarly, the new baby has awakened the memories of postnatal mental illness for Ash's mother who wonders whether she will be accepted as as safe as the normal in-laws.

Who should watch this play:

We wouldn’t recommend this as a watch for anyone newly recovering from PP; those feeling vulnerable, struggling with parenting - or perhaps indeed anyone who has experienced PP and is not yet a grandparent. Postpartum psychosis is not specifically mentioned, just alluded to. It is set at a time when there was much more stigma and secrecy around PP. We feel the play might increase anxiety for people who have had PP about how our adult children will perceive us, or how they may struggle with mental health themselves. It is a story about the journey to fatherhood of one family and the stresses involved when two families become one. While PP is relevant to the family backstory - it’s not a play about PP and not intended to represent the PP experience.

It is a beautifully written, beautifully choreographed, beautifully scored production and will be of interest to anyone with an interest in parenthood, relationships, and the mental health of fathers in particular. It may be of interest to grandparents who had PP many years ago. Similarly, it will be thought-provoking for the adult children of people who have had PP and may reflect - or be in stark contrast - to their own experiences of becoming a parent.'

The Cord is showing at The Bush theatre, Shepherds Bush, London until 25th May 2024. Find out more here.

5 April 2024

Jenny’s story: Postpartum psychosis left me with PTSD – earlier diagnosis might have stopped this from happening

PTSD is so often associated with external traumas – people experiencing a serious incident such as a car crash or serving in a war zone, for example. But while PTSD is a mental health problem in its own right, I discovered that it can actually be brought on by other mental health problems – in my case postpartum psychosis.

In April 2020, I gave birth to my first baby. Within days, I was presenting with signs of postpartum psychosis (PP) – a serious postnatal mental illness that affects around 1,400 women every year in the UK.

Neither myself or my wife had ever heard of PP, so we had no idea what was happening or indeed what to expect – but it was an incredibly distressing period.

When I gave birth, we were in national lockdown. This meant that I was alone most of the time as I wasn’t able to have any visitors. I remember that I wasn’t eating properly, and it got to the point that I simply couldn’t stomach any food or drink – even a little sip of water would be spat straight back out. I was becoming really anxious and frightened as well and I wasn’t sure why, but I was constantly pacing the room alone.

After a while I started watching films on my phone as a distraction, but the sounds from the films became really overwhelming and disturbing, so I stopped watching almost completely. I was also struggling with my memory and wasn’t able to recall simple instructions the midwife was giving me, and my moods became erratic too. I would be really low in the early part of the day, but by around 4pm each day I became really wired, like I was buzzing on a high level of adrenaline.

I started believing strange things, for example that the painkillers I was taking were building up in my throat, and I got songs stuck in my head, tormenting me as I tried to sleep. But sleep simply wasn’t happening, so I would just sit awake all night staring at my baby daughter. One night, I felt so overwhelmed that I asked the nurse to take my baby away for a while. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over the guilt that I felt about that, and it formed a big part of my illness because I was so ashamed by it.

When I went home from hospital, friends started worrying because my text messages were a bit strange, and I refused to let anybody else, including my wife, hold my daughter. I started experiencing suicidal thoughts, stopped speaking to people and refused to leave the house. There was lots of pacing and I had really bad pins and needles and I felt very confused.

After many sleepless nights, extreme distress and being unable to properly eat or drink I was diagnosed with PP. I was so terrified of going back into hospital though, especially as it was during lockdown, so I was treated at home by the community team.

Eventually, the medication I was given started to work and the PP symptoms began to subside. However, even after all the psychotic symptoms disappeared, I realised that there were certain triggers and times of the year that made me feel really anxious and unwell again.

April is a particularly difficult time for me.

So many simple, everyday sights and sounds take me back to the feelings I experienced when I was unwell in 2020. From the Spring sunlight streaming in through the window to the birds singing in the morning and even the bin men coming to collect the bins - all these things trigger memories of postpartum psychosis and the distress and shame I was feeling at the time.

Over a year after experiencing PP, I realised that what I was now going through was PTSD connected to those traumatic memories of being so unwell and anxious. I found a trauma therapist who specialised in birth trauma, and we spent some time looking at anxiety and how to deal with triggers – as well as the worries about future triggers which form a big part of my PTSD. We also did some relaxation exercises and some counselling linked to the guilt I was feeling about being so unwell and asking the midwife to take my baby away from me overnight. I also tried some EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing which helps you process traumatic memories). Combined, all these treatments, as well as moving house which was incidental, helped me to put some distance between me and my experience of PP.

Since having these treatments, Springtime last year was much better – I wasn’t completely trauma and anxiety free, but I was definitely in a better place.

I am still a bit anxious about this year’s change of season being just around the corner, but I am hoping it will be better still and am prepared to do more work with my therapist if I need to.

I still have feelings of guilt and regret relating to my experience of PP, but I have accepted that it wasn’t my fault and it doesn’t make me a bad mum. And our family, which has since grown adding two more children to the mix, is so close and bonded.

I don’t think many people realise that experiencing a mental health problem can actually trigger PTSD longer term. The symptoms of psychosis might have gone long ago, but I do have to keep working at the residual trauma of it all and learning how best to manage the triggers. It’s definitely getting better, but I think it’s something we should talk about more, and I also think that, if there was more awareness of PP amongst the general public and health professionals, I could have been diagnosed earlier, which may have decreased the intensity of the trauma I experienced.

One thing I have learnt throughout all this is that it’s so important not to minimise what you’re going through. The sooner you can get help and support the less traumatic the experience will be.

18 March 2024

Action on Postpartum Psychosis nationwide awareness campaign continues

In a groundbreaking move to raise awareness about postpartum psychosis, the charity Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) has launched a powerful billboard campaign across the United Kingdom to run throughout March. The impactful initiative has been made possible through the support of the JCDecaux Community Channel and the creative design expertise of agency Mother.

Postpartum psychosis is a treatable medical emergency that affects new mothers, occurring within the first few weeks or months after childbirth. Raising awareness about this illness is crucial to ensure timely intervention and support for the mums and families affected.

The new billboard campaign aims to raise awareness about the condition and signpost to the resources and support APP offers. In addition, there will be a week of billboards promoting an appeal on behalf of the charity by author and APP ambassador Laura Dockrill which will be broadcast on BBC Radio 4 on 24th March.

The visually striking designs have been crafted with the pro-bono help of Mother, a renowned creative agency, and developed with leading academic experts as well as those with lived experience of postpartum psychosis. They seek to capture attention and prompt conversation on a scale that hasn’t been achieved before.

Working in partnership with the JCDecaux Community Channel, the campaign is running across digital billboards in major cities across the UK, amplifying the reach of APP's message. More than one million people a week are expected to see the billboards, which will be in high traffic areas.

Chris Dooley, Head of Social Impact at JCDecaux UK, said: “We are proud to be working in partnership with APP to raise awareness around postpartum psychosis and the support the charity offers to all those affected. The JCDecaux Community Channel creates real value through the power of the public screen and aims to amplify Out-of-Home’s role as a force for good in the community.”

The campaign kicked off on Monday 4th March, coinciding with International Women’s Day (8th) and Mother’s Day (10th). APP’s appeal with author and APP ambassador Laura Dockrill will be on BBC Radio 4 on 24th March.

Action on Postpartum Psychosis would like to thank the JCDecaux Community Channel and Mother for their invaluable support.

As we embark on this impactful campaign, APP is encouraging people to join the conversation on social media. If you see one of the billboards (and it’s safe to do so) please take a picture or video and share, tagging @ActionOnPP.

You can find out more about help and support with postpartum psychosis here.

To donate to APP’s Radio 4 appeal during appeal week starting 24th March, visit the Radio 4 Appeal webpage.

There are lots of ways to support us and get involved with APP. We'd love you to join us. Sign up to our network here.

14 March 2024

BBC Radio 4 Appeal

BBC Radio 4 will broadcast an appeal on behalf of Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) later this month.

APP Ambassador and author, Laura Dockrill, will present the broadcast, sharing her experience of postpartum psychosis (PP) following the birth of her son. Laura describes how she spent her first Mother’s Day in a psychiatric hospital separated from her three-week old baby and how APP’s peer support helped her find connection, recovery and community.

BBC Radio 4 appeals are weekly three-minute programmes which highlight the work of charities and appeal for donations on their behalf. Only 49 charities from across the UK are selected to make an appeal each year and APP is delighted to be part of the 2024 programme.

APP’s appeal will be broadcast live on Sunday 24^th March at 7.54 am and at 9.25pm. It will then be repeated on Thursday 28^th March at 3.27pm.

Dr Jess Heron, APP Chief Executive, says: “The BBC Radio 4 charity appeal is an incredible opportunity for us to raise the profile of APP on a national scale, as well as really help to raise awareness of postpartum psychosis. We want to reach as many people as possible – and we’d love our supporters to spread the word and encourage family, friends and colleagues to listen.”

To find out more, visit the Radio 4 Appeal webpage. Please note, you can only donate to this appeal via the BBC web page from 24th-30th March.

The first £25,000 received in donations will be matched by a generous APP supporter, meaning donations will go twice as far.

29 February 2024

Action on Postpartum Psychosis launches nationwide awareness campaign with billboards across the UK

In a groundbreaking move to raise awareness about postpartum psychosis, the charity Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) is launching a powerful billboard campaign across the United Kingdom throughout March. The impactful initiative has been made possible through the support of the JCDecaux Community Channel and the creative design expertise of agency Mother.

The campaign kicks off on Monday 4th March, coinciding with International Women’s Day (8th) and Mother’s Day (10th). APP’s appeal with author and APP ambassador Laura Dockrill will be on BBC Radio 4 on 24th March.

Action on Postpartum Psychosis would like to thank the JCDecaux Community Channel and Mother for their invaluable support.

You can find out more about help and support with postpartum psychosis here.

To donate to APP’s Radio 4 appeal during appeal week, starting 24th March, visit the Radio 4 Appeal webpage or search online for BBC Radio 4 Appeal.

There are lots of ways to support us and get involved with APP. We'd love you to join us. Sign up to our network here.

27 February 2024

Laura's story: I woke up in hospital on my first Mother’s Day

It was 2018. Hugo and I had an extremely happy, healthy, normal pregnancy. There was no reason anything should go wrong, no warning signs. But when it came to the birth itself, I ended up having a really traumatic labour and a C-section, and we were told our gorgeous little boy, Jet, had been starving in the womb.

Once he arrived safely, Jet needed to feed all the time to get his weight back up. I was already sleep deprived and was scared and in shock from the labour, so I started feeling all these feelings – anxiety, fear and restlessness. I had no idea how you were supposed to feel after giving birth, and I’d never experienced any mental health problems prior to this, so I thought it must be normal.

Jet and I were kept on a ward because he was underweight and I had been through such a traumatic birth. But being in such a distressed state, to me it felt like a carousel of hell. One baby would wake up, one mum would be crying, one dad would be crying. It all felt too much, I was completely unable to sleep and I was feeding Jet non-stop around the clock.

Then my feelings of dread and doom massively intensified.

I felt like something really, really bad was going to happen but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I kept thinking that when we get home with Hugo we’ll all be OK and things will calm down. But that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

When we arrived back home it felt as though I was in some kind of vacant holiday home. It didn’t feel like the home I loved. Within days – possibly even hours – I was experiencing racing thoughts, delusions, I couldn’t eat, sleep or concentrate on anything. I was very unwell but looking back I do feel I was explaining my symptoms quite coherently to the health professionals. However, I wasn’t given any diagnosis and we were more or less left to get on with it.

The delusions started becoming obvious to others soon after, particularly to Hugo. I started thinking that every ambulance or police car was coming for me, that teddy bears had cameras in their eyes and that Hugo was trying to steal our baby. Eventually, I became suicidal.

I was admitted to a psych ward when Jet was just three weeks old.

At that point I was so out of touch with reality I wasn’t sure if I was going to a police station, a zoo or an asylum to be locked up. The idea of a psych ward feels like a frightening place anyway but now I know that psychiatric patients are just like anyone else – just like you and me. In fact, more than anything, being admitted to the psych ward actually filled me with relief – I felt that I’d finally found the right type of help that was needed.

Waking up the next morning alone in this room with no baby, no Hugo and these starchy white sheets, I realised that it was the first time I’d slept in three weeks. I remember the nurses saying ‘it’s Sunday today so just chill’ but my brain was racing in some kind of frantic hell. It was, in fact, my first Mother’s Day.

I started therapy from the Monday alongside people in addiction, or diagnosed with a personality disorder or schizophrenia, and it took me a while to work out why I was there. But I’m pleased I’m a bit of a goodie two-shoes because I did everything the doctors told me – attending the sessions, taking the meds. But recovery was really up and down, and for a while I was still occasionally thinking that Hugo was part of a conspiracy.

After two weeks in hospital I fell into a deep depression - which in some ways felt worse. Depression has this awful effect of making you feel like you’re in debt to everyone for everything. I felt guilty because I’d taken time out from motherhood – but it wasn’t like I was snorkelling in the Maldives!

I was on anti psychotics, antidepressants, sleeping pills – I felt like a zombie mum, so I certainly couldn’t just get back to parenting no problem. Hugo and I really relied on our bond and our trust. My conspiracies were off the wall, but Hugo really knew me and helped me, giving me time and patience.

I was also really worried that my bond with Jet was compromised. But when he bumped his head and he wanted me I kind of thought ah - he does forgive me, he does love me and trust me.

Taking action to recover

There’s a large part of recovery you have to do yourself – you have to take whatever steps you feel able to. I taught myself CBT, read every book that everyone had written on motherhood and mental illness, I spent time with my beautiful friends and family, and met other mums who had been through what I had at APP café groups.

The beautiful thing about losing the plot is that you just don’t care anymore it’s so liberating! Things don’t bother me as much as they used to. Rejections happen all the time in my work as a writer and I more easily take them in my stride these days. And if I trip over in the street I just don’t care - I’ve waved goodbye to shame and guilt – they are useless emotions that we really don’t need. And to think that Hugo and Jet would ever hold me accountable for this illness that wasn’t my fault was just ridiculous.

Writing my memoir has also really helped me.

I think Hugo and my family were worried it might be too triggering for me but it really does come down to acceptance – I wasn’t trying to rail against it or be angry at it. Writing about it is like trying to bottle a night terror. It’s so meta - you’re trying to tell a story within a story. When your brain cracks like that, you believe anything. If you told me at the time that I was a crisp I would have believed you – I might have thought, oh this is because I didn’t look after my hamster when I was ten and he’s getting his own back. Throw into that the irregularities of a newborn, the spontaneity, the unpredictability, the expectations – it’s a complete recipe for madness.

But we made it out alive! And writing played an important part in helping me to process what we had been through. It was like the final part of my recovery.

Laura’s book, What Have I Done? is published by Square Peg and available from all good bookstores. To find out more click here.

Laura also presents a BBC Radio 4 Appeal for APP, broadcasting on 24th March 2024.

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