Nikki's poem: My journey to recovery.

Looking back now I realise just how far I have come
since that awful illness after becoming a new mum
1 in 1000 mothers can be affected, yet none of us knew
a mixture of scary symptoms, not just feeling blue

I needed support and had to stay away from my home
thrown into the deep end, feeling afraid and alone
my new baby girl was thankfully there with me
but I didn't have a clue what to do or how to be

After a while symptoms passed and back home I went
to a house that felt massive in every extent
from having people all around me all of the time
I realised I felt alone and was far from fine

depression setting in, I was too scared to be left alone
no nurses anymore, I was thrust into the unknown
husband going back to work having to carry on with life
but I was now a new mum aswell as a wife

I was very lucky having loving family to support
but I was too scared to go out, I needed an escort
always on edge and fearful of so much
not able to focus or wanting physical touch

unable to smile yet I carried on with it all
I dare not stop, so fearfully that I would fall
functioning as best I could I carried on going
trying to hide my numbness from ever showing

dreamy and vacant as though I wasn't really there
but forcing a smile to try and prove I did care
eventually time went on and support fading to low
so I could start doing more, to get better and grow

taking tiny steps I went out more on my own
just my baby and I in the big scary unknown
it was hard to do I am not going to lie
but I needed to do it for my baby girl and I

although hard to see, time is a healer indeed
it allowed me to move on, to grow and succeed
the fear seeming to settle not controlling me anymore
although the ride isn't over I am doing much more than before

facing demons along the way to help me self heal
these last 8 years of my life having been so surreal
although I am now healed from PP I have times where I am low
this experience has taught me more than I know

finding my smile again, becoming more like the old me
it has been a bumpy ride, and a long journey
I am what I am now I will never be quite the same
but I must always remember, the challenges I overcame