Romy’s story: It was a bumpy road, but becoming a mummy is the best thing that ever happened to me

The first few days and weeks of your baby’s life are often described as the ‘baby bubble’ – the most emotionally beautiful, intense and memorable time ever. Unfortunately, our baby bubble popped pretty quickly, just twelve days after Jaxon’s birth when I was detained under section 2 of the Mental Health Act and diagnosed with postpartum psychosis (PP).

My experience of PP came completely out of the blue – as it does in around 50% of cases. Granted, I had experienced some past trauma and we were in the middle of a pandemic at the time, but I had no prior history of mental illness.

Symptoms started to manifest almost immediately after giving birth. I was unable to sleep, my thoughts were racing and I was obsessing over things. Even when I did have the chance to get some sleep, I would often sneak downstairs to obsessively clean, film videos of tasks that needed doing and write to-do lists for the next day. I became obsessed with appearing as the perfect mum and with finding the best technique for breastfeeding.

Things became stranger still as I began talking to inanimate objects, believing my family were plotting against me, drinking gallons of water and restricting myself from eating anything that I considered, at the time, ‘bad’ for me. I was cleaning the house with very hot water and chemicals that caused me to lose the sensation in my fingertips, and I looked and felt as if I’d been in a boxing ring – bruised, swollen, hungry and physically and mentally exhausted.

I also experienced extreme emotions and mood swings, hallucinations, delusions and extreme religious beliefs. At one point I thought that I had been re-born and at other times I believed that I was someone else entirely.

However, I refused to believe there was something wrong and I kept the symptoms hidden from my family.

Eventually, I was unable to hide what was going on and my family could see that I was acting completely out of character. They were scared and confused as they had never heard about this kind of thing happening after giving birth before, so they reached out for help.

In between the more extreme symptoms, however, I did have lucid moments, and because I was able to state my full name, date of birth and home address to the health professionals down the phone, and because I assured them that I wasn’t suicidal, no help was forthcoming. We felt let down by the services and my psychosis continued to spiral out of control. I became a risk to myself, and I couldn’t meet my baby’s needs effectively.

After a week of various telephone calls, visits and an eventual face to face assessment, it was finally decided twelve days post birth that I would be detained under section 2 of the Mental Health Act and taken to a Mother and Baby Unit 63 miles away from my home in Hull. The health professionals suggested that being separated from Jaxon was likely to risk further deterioration of my mental state, so Jaxon’s dad and my family made the decision to allow Jaxon into the MBU’s care too.

Although I don’t remember much from those final few days before I was sectioned, I will always remember how scared I was when I arrived at the MBU. Having worked in a secure unit myself as a student nurse, realising where I was made me feel incredibly distressed. In fact, on the bus on the way there I believed I was on my way to a big night out in Leeds with my best friend.

I don’t remember much from the nights and days that followed but according to my paperwork I was behaving completely out of character when I arrived – being aggressive and disorientated. I had to be medicated but, on a lighter note, I think I had the best sleep of my life in that MBU!

I was in the MBU for a total of one month, which is a fairly brief stay compared to some. I was lucky in that I responded well to the first antipsychotic medication they tried and my mental health began to stabilise quite quickly. I was soon having visits from family members, followed by one hour leave periods and, eventually, I was able to spend a few days and nights at home. We finally started to feel like a real family and eventually I was discharged from the MBU – although I was still under the care of the community perinatal team who would visit me at home every week for a whole year.

Looking back, I can’t express enough how thankful I am that Leeds MBU was there to look after me and Jaxon so well. The staff there were amazing and we would have been lost without them. I can’t imagine what the experience would be like if I hadn’t been able to access an MBU and instead had my baby taken away from me so I could be put in a general psychiatric ward, which I know can still happen to some mums.

Raising awareness of PP is now incredibly important to me. I’m convinced that if we had been aware of the signs and symptoms my illness might never have reached the stage that it did. During pregnancy, we often get warned about all of the physical changes we might encounter after giving birth, but we are not informed enough about the possible mental health challenges. That’s why I wanted to support APP as they are doing some amazing work to raise awareness and get PP talked about more in antenatal classes and in the media. They also campaign to increase the number of MBUs and they provide peer support all around the UK.

I now have two amazing children - Jaxon (five) and Miles (two) – and I had no complications with my second baby as I was extremely well supported by the perinatal mental health team. And even though we hit a bumpy road the first time around, I can still say that becoming a mummy is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I appreciate that I’m one of the lucky ones - there could have been a very different outcome if I hadn’t been able to access the help I received via the MBU and the perinatal mental health team. That’s why I’m so passionate about raising awareness about what PP is and how to access support.

Today I feel incredibly grateful for my recovery, my family and our beautiful children. Now I’m back to my normal self, living and loving life, working in my dream career as a nurse and sharing my story and fundraising to help other families affected by PP.