Tag Archives: MBU

27 April 2023

Miles for Mums and Babies 2023!

A big shout out to everyone who has signed up for our Miles for Mums and Babies challenge so far! We’ve got more people than ever before ready to run, walk, swim and cycle hundreds of miles to raise awareness of PP and funds for APP.

Fundraisers all over the UK are taking part – here’s just a little taste of what’s going on during May…

In Scotland, Alice in Dundee (pictured right) will be swimming 71km in 28 days, and Hazel in Perthshire will be cycling 65 miles in a single day later this month.

In Wales the BCUHB perinatal mental health team in North Wales who have a team of 18 aiming to cover 154 miles during May; Laura in Cardiff who is planning to walk 50 miles over the month; and Heidi, a perinatal mental health nurse in Monmouthshire who is taking on a huge 1400 miles by the end of 2023 to represent the number of women who experience PP each year.

We’re delighted to have lots going on in Northern Ireland too, with Justine and Shelley getting friends and family on board to take part in their hiking and running challenges.

And across England there are individuals and teams taking part in all sorts of different ways, including…

Jennifer Dawson who’s taking on TWO challenges – one walking 26 miles with her husband Lee and another with her Rattle and Rhyme group – who'll be getting together to toddle 5k!

Jenny and Lee aren’t the only husband and wife team working together to reach a Miles for Mums and Babies target though, we also have Hannah and Ryan in Leeds planning to walk and run 156 miles - 120 miles for the distance their family travelled to the MBU and 36 miles for each day Hannah was in the unit; and Georgina and Chris who are aiming for 108 miles - the distance to and from their nearest MBU.

Most of those taking part have chosen a number of miles that has a meaning to them - Natalie (pictured right) has chosen to walk 60 miles as that represents the distance to and from her home and the MBU she spent time in - the journey her husband had to make to be able to come and see her and their baby.

Rebecca (pictured top) is planning a mammoth 43 mile walk in a single day, with the aim of raising £2400 - the number of mums who will have been diagnosed with PP in the two years since she herself was diagnosed. And she's very close to her huge target goal already!

We’re also really delighted to have the Blue Minds and BleepKind network involved this year, taking on an epic 318 mile challenge, which is already underway!

And having whole teams getting on board is just wonderful - including the Leicester Partnership Trust Perinatal Mental Health Team who are doing a mix of walking, running and swimming; and the Margaret Oates MBU in Nottingham who will be walking, pushing buggies, toddling, running, cycling and even getting their four legged furry friends involved to reach 318 miles (which is the distance from the most westerly MBU in the UK to the most easterly).

And this isn't even everyone who has planned to get involved - we'll keep posting updates throughout the month.  A HUGE thank you to everyone who has signed up so far and to everyone who has supported them already.

It's never too late to get involved in you'd still like to, just email fundraising@app-network.org and we'll send you a free Miles for Mums and Babies pack.

9 November 2022

Ruth’s story: We had to travel from Spain to Scotland during lockdown to access an MBU

We’d been living in Spain for over ten years when I fell pregnant. My husband, Jamie, worked away a lot on an oil rig but we had a good network, had planned for Jamie to be home for a couple of months around the birth and the pregnancy was really straightforward. I felt lucky.

Our son was born in the September, and, when Jamie returned to work in the December, I made a return trip home to Ireland to visit family with our new baby.

While I was in Belfast I started struggling with bad joint pain. I’d had arthritis as a young child but hadn’t had any problems for years so it was a bit of a shock. I ended up in A&E and it made breastfeeding and holding my son really uncomfortable too. I was in so much agony.

When I got back home I got some treatment for the arthritis and everything seemed to settle back down. My baby was sleeping well, Jamie was working in Norway, everything felt like it was going to be fine.

Then, by the middle of February, I suddenly stopped sleeping and began panicking about everything going wrong – thinking that Jamie, might lose his job, worrying that there was something wrong with our son. I made the rash decision to move our son into his own room, and I would spend whole nights just staring at the baby monitor and listening to the buzz of it.

My mum came to stay and she remembers that I was just pacing the flat saying things like our lives are falling apart; there’s something wrong with the baby; he’s not well; he’ll be taken off us and I’ll be put in jail.

I went to the health centre and got an emergency appt with the nurse who prescribed diazepam to calm me down. It was around the time of lockdown so when I needed to go back it was a different nurse that I saw. The second time I was prescribed antidepressants, too.

Jamie was away at the time and I was continually phoning my best friend and cousin because I needed someone to listen. I was convinced there was something wrong with the baby, and I began struggling with breastfeeding and then bottle feeding – getting myself into this vicious cycle of feeling like I couldn’t feed my baby at all.

My friend was concerned and she made an appointment with a psychologist at the nearby clinic. I remember taking my notebook with me because I was writing down pages and pages of numbers and dates relating to my baby and his feeding patterns and routines.

Back at home, I would just lay down on the floor and cry and I was having regular panic attacks. But outside of the home, I was doing all of the right things – trying to feed him, dressing him. It probably all seemed fairly normal on the outside but in the background I was panicking, not sleeping, not eating and obsessing over my baby.

The next thing I remember is waking up in hospital…

Apparently, one morning, around 4 or 5am, I’d left the flat, left the door open, with my baby asleep and my mum sleeping on the sofa. I had no shoes on and I got into my car. I drove along the motorway and parked my car on the hard shoulder and got out. What happened after that was devastating. The only thing I can remember is someone saying quick get her a blanket. Then I remember waking up in a hospital.

I’d walked out in front of a lorry. Luckily, I survived. I had some very deep cuts, some bad injuries and I needed stitches in my head. I had some deep wounds on my foot and scars all over my back.

It does cross my mind from time to time about how the driver is today. It must have been such a huge trauma for him and I truly hope he has he recovered from it.

I was quickly transferred to the psych ward where I was sat outside in a wheel chair, covered in blood. We were waiting hours and hours for the psych team to assess me. They eventually decided to admit me and I was taken into a shared room where my family had to leave me due to lockdown rules.

My family were looking after my son and Jamie, who was working in Mexico at the time, flew back home. Meanwhile I was in the psych ward, unable to shower properly because I couldn’t get my injuries wet, feeling as though I was in a prison, with no furnishings or comfortable surroundings and unbelievably tall walls with barbed wire so nobody could escape.

I don’t feel I received particularly good treatment while I was there. And I remember another girl who was in there suggesting I start to write things down to keep track of the doctors I was speaking to and the meds I was put on. When my sister and Jamie came in to see me I saw a psychiatrist who granted me permission to go home under my husband’s care.

We then went into full lockdown and my husband had to try to look after both me and our son at the same time. I think he has so much strength to have been able to put up with what I now know was absolutely shocking and both terrifying behaviour.

The team of psychiatrists would come to our house twice a week and I had some zoom calls with my psychologist during lockdown. They were trying to find the right combination of meds for me but apparently they weren’t working and they suggested I go back to the psych ward without my baby – and of course no visitors were allowed because of lockdown, so I really didn’t want to go back there.

One of my friends in the UK who worked in health contacted Jamie because she had found my messages really concerning. She had heard about Mother and Baby Units in the UK and Jamie, who’s Scottish, got in touch with APP to find out more and then made contact with an MBU in Glasgow. They said I could be admitted.

Jamie had to drive us all from Spain to Calais and then to a friend’s in Cumbria before reaching Stirling, where he immediately got me an emergency doctor’s appointment. By that point my paranoia and symptoms were so bad the doctor called an ambulance and I was immediately admitted to the MBU with my baby.

Because I’d come from Spain I had to have ten days in isolation, so Jamie went back to work to bring in some money because nobody was allowed to visit me anyway.

I ended up spending five months in the MBU. I was admitted in the May, and discharged in the October.

I remember in the MBU there were quite big rooms and we had our own bathrooms, a nice play area and garden with picnic benches and windmills. They organised things like crafts, cookery and pram walks which I enjoyed, and I remember me and one of the other girls used to make apple crumbles.

Unfortunately, because I still didn’t seem to be improving, I had to have ECT. I was so nervous and I appealed it but Jamie gave permission because he thought it was my only chance of getting better.

The doctor I saw before each ECT session was so lovely, I remember he always reassured me. I never got to know his name and I’ve always wanted to thank him for his kindness. I had 18 ECT treatments in total. The only thing I complained about was having a sore head, but apparently that’s quite common.

When my son was due to turn one, however, the MBU had to plan my discharge, because they were only funded to look after mums with babies less than a year old. I started going to my in-laws’ house on weekends and eventually was recovered enough to have a full discharge. However, I caught Covid, so we had to isolate in an Air BnB for a while which was really tough. Eventually, we made it back to Spain in a far better position than we had been when we left.

I’m still on medication today, but just a low dose of antidepressants. I’ve stopped the antipsychotics and things are slowly getting back to some kind of normality.

My son started going to nursery and he’s picking up both Spanish and English, which makes me so proud. And I went back to work in the September of 2021, so I had time to get back into normal life, start exercising again and focusing on me.

Looking back, it was a very scary and intense period, especially with it all happening during lockdown. But now Jamie and I are out the other side, we are both really keen to raise awareness, because nobody in my family had even heard of PP before I was diagnosed.

I’ve trained to be a peer supporter with APP, so I can share my experience and hope with other families who are going through what we did. I know that when Jamie first spoke with APP’s peer support lead, Ellie, when I was really ill, it made such a difference so I hope that we can now pass on that support. Just knowing that someone else has been where you are and come out the other side makes all the difference.

 

8 November 2022

How to send a card to a mum friend or family member who is staying in a Mother and Baby Unit

When a mum friend or family member is unwell, it can be hard to know how to be of most help and show that you care. Sending a card is something encouraging and cheerful that a mum can have in their hospital room. It can also be a lovely keepsake for a mum to come back to, sometimes months and years later in her recovery journey, and treasure your thoughtfulness at such a difficult time.

Soukaina Bennani works as an Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) peer support facilitator in the Chamomile Suite Mother and Baby Unit, part of the Birmingham and Solihull Mental Health NHS Foundation Trust.

Here she tells us how you can send a mental health get well soon card to a new mum in a Mother and Baby Unit.

What is a Mother and Baby Unit?

An Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) is a specialist inpatient treatment unit where mothers with mental illness are admitted with their babies. In MBUs, mothers experiencing postpartum psychosis can be supported to care for their babies whilst having the specialist care and treatment they need.

At the Chamomile Suite Mother and Baby Unit, mums have their own bedrooms where they can put out their cards.

How can I find out the address to send the card to?

Find out the name of the Mother and Baby Unit they are staying at from a family member or friend. Search online for the address, for example, searching ‘Birmingham Mother and Baby Unit address’ to find the official NHS page for the unit.

All Mother and Baby Unit addresses are also available on the NHS WebBeds website:https://www.nhswebbeds.co.uk

Finding the right words

It can be difficult to find the right words to say when someone is unwell. Here are some example messages of encouragement you could add:

  • I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling unwell at the moment
  • I’m sorry you are having a tough time
  • I’m so sorry that you’ve had to have a stay in hospital
  • It's okay not to be okay
  • You will get better
  • We are thinking of you
  • Sending lots of love
  • Sending you a big hug
  • Hope you feel better soon
  • I hope you know I’m always here for you
  • Sending you lots of positive thoughts

Read the comments on this Facebook post for more ideas from our community:

You can also read the comments on the Instagram post for more ideas.

Which card could I send?

You can send any card, perhaps with a 'thinking of you' or 'get well soon message.

You could choose to send a printed card that includes some information about Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP), which may be helpful to your friend and their family.

We work with Making a Difference cards, which offer personalised cards for every occasion. Sending a card through this service will also help to raise funds for APP.

You can add names, photos and messages and they can be delivered directly to the recipient, or to you so you can add a handwritten message.

Find out more and select a card here: https://gb.makingadifference.cards/supporting/action-on-postpartum-psychosis

Should I expect a response from the mum or family?

Mums can sometimes stay in a Mother and Baby Unit for a number of months as they recover. We also know that many mums find it difficult to remember too. So don't be disappointed if they don't say thank you personally. They will get better and be back in touch when they can.

Find out more about postpartum psychosis and APP’s peer support

If you'd like to find out more about recovery from postpartum psychosis, take a look at our guides and our information webpages.

APP’s peer support service connects you with people who have been there. We can support you if you’ve had postpartum psychosis, or experienced high mood or mania after the birth of your child, or if you are a partner or family member of someone who experienced postpartum psychosis. Find out more about peer support here.

If you live in the Birmingham area, or were treated at Chamomile Suite MBU (recently or many years ago), APP has a monthly café group which supports women and families affected by postpartum psychosis (PP) - no matter how long ago your experience was. To find out more, get in touch via email: birmingham@app-network.org

Learn more about our partnership projects with the NHS

Around the country we have monthly café groups, Peer Support Facilitators and volunteer teams based within some NHS services and Mother and Baby Units. Find out more about our regional projects in the NHS.

30 September 2021

Cyclist to travel 850 virtual miles raising awareness of support needed for partners during postpartum psychosis

APPs Partner Peer Support Coordinator, Simon O’Mara, is embarking on a mammoth 852 mile journey to raise awareness of postpartum psychosis, its impact on partners and the need for more Mother and Baby Units (MBUs) in the UK.

Simon came up with the idea of a virtual tour of the UK’s MBUs to highlight their importance in caring for women who develop postpartum psychosis and their families. He hopes to raise awareness among women, partners and families of where the UK’s MBUs are and, importantly, the need for units in areas of the UK currently without them.

Simon, whose wife was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis 15 years ago, said: “When my wife was diagnosed it was a frightening time – not least because we had no prior knowledge of postpartum psychosis. But in many ways I feel that we were incredibly lucky in that we were able to access care in an MBU less than a 40 minute drive away – in my work with APP, I realise that many other families aren’t so lucky.”

Postpartum psychosis is a debilitating postnatal mental illness that can occur out of the blue in the days following childbirth. New mums with postpartum psychosis may develop high or low mood, or fluctuate between them, alongside delusions, hallucinations or severe confusion. Many of these mothers have had no previous mental health diagnosis prior to onset – although women with bipolar disorder are at higher risk. It affects around 1,400 women and their families every year in the UK and is always considered a medical emergency. However, it is treatable and women go on to make a full recovery with the right support.

Simon added: “APP has been campaigning for more MBUs for many years now, and cycling the distances between these services felt like a really good way to show just how these gaps in provision can affect families.”

Simon had planned to follow the route on the road, however, due to the pandemic, he invested in a smart trainer so he could complete virtual cycle rides using his own bike and smart technology. He will now follow the route virtually using the smart trainer, linking in with the MBUs along the way for online chats with MBU staff about partner support, and talking to other partners who have been affected by PP.

Dr Jess Heron, Chief Executive, APP, said: “Families across the four UK nations are often faced with difficult decisions about receiving specialist MBU care many miles from home or being admitted to a general psychiatric ward. As women can expect hospital treatment to last 8 to 12 weeks, and full recovery to take many, many months, this distance can be an enormous pressure on new families. Families in Northern Ireland, North Wales and the North of Scotland do not yet have access to an MBU in their region.

“While we know that experiencing a severe mental illness at this time can be devastating for women, our research shows that partners also describe the experience as the most traumatic of their lives. Many men describe long-term impacts on their own mental health. NHS England has made a commitment as part of the Long Term Plan to inform, signpost and support partners. We hope other regions of the UK will follow suit. MBUs play a vital role in supporting partners and entire family units at this time and have expertise that general psychiatric units do not have.

“We have been working with partners for a long time at APP to support them with information and signposting about postpartum psychosis and getting help, but we are delighted that we now have a dedicated peer support team who can provide email, telephone, forum and video call support for dads and partners. We work closely with all UK MBUs to ensure that all who need it have access to peer support when postpartum psychosis impacts their family.

”We are so grateful for Simon’s commitment to raise awareness of the support needs of partners and we will be cheering him on from the ‘virtual’ sidelines!”

APP delivers award-winning peer support services working in partnership with NHS Trusts around the UK, manages an online national peer support forum and facilitates impactful research into postpartum psychosis.

To find out more about Simon’s story, and to sponsor his cycle ride, please visit his JustGiving Page. 

If you are a partner and use Swift, Simon would love some support and virtual chats as he completes his journey. You'll also be able to follow him on Strava.

You can see  daily updates below; 

Day 1: Simon completed 41 miles, which is the equivalent from West of Scotland MBU (Glasgow) to St. John’s, Livingtston.

Day 2: 45.2 miles ridden, total mileage over the weekend now at 85.2 miles. 

Day 3: Simon is working in the week, so cycling in the evening. 24 miles done this evening.

Day 4: Simon cycled 26 miles in the evening, is 96 miles into stage 2, with a total of 136 miles completed to date.

Day 5: 26.5 miles completed with a 1,098ft climb.

Day 6; Sees Simon finish stage 2, a total of 179 miles into the journey and Beadnell MBU.

Day 7: Simon has now completed a total of 209 miles, and has a virtual meet with Beadnell MBU in the morning.

Day 8: Simon had a great virtual meet with Beadnell MBU this morning, having reached Morpeth last night. They talked about the support they not only provide for the mums but also the partners and families. A small unit and noticeable the large mileage between MBUs around this area, some partners/families having long journeys to visit their wife and baby. That's stage 2 complete. Simon is now 179 miles into the journey and about to start stage 3 a 121 mile stretch.

Day 9: Simon cycled a short stint today, just to keep the legs turning -10 miles. Stage 3 and Simon has completed 85 miles; only 35 miles to go till the end of this stage.

Day 10: A 24 mile ride, sees Simon only 12 miles from the end of stage 3 and shortly getting to Parkside Lodge MBU. 

Day 11: Another short cycle of 12 miles, keeping an average speed of around 22mph and sees stage 3 complete. Meeting with Parkside Lodge MBU today.

Day 12: Another quick 16 miles sneaked in. Meeting with MBU at Ribblemere meet on Sunday. Received a message of support from the MBU Bristol

Day 13: 342 miles in to the journey, around 40% of the cycle done. Another 26 mile ride competed tonight and 1038ft climbed, leaves just 24 miles to the end of stage 4 and the meet up on Sunday afternoon.

Day 14: Stage 4 complete and an extra mile started on stage 5. Just about to go and have a small ride for today

Day 15: Another small 16 miles ridden, well into stage 5 and today should see Simon finish that stage. Simon met up with Karen and Andrew at Ribblemere MBU, it was really good to meet and hear the support they provide.

Day 16: Stage 5 complete and onto Stage 6. The next meeting is with Adele at Andersen ward, Wythenshawe MBU  on Tuesday, which represents the end of stage 5.

Day 17: Simon was able to get another 16 miles (climb of 912ft) done and get the total miles cycled up to 415m, just another 11 miles to go before he reaches half way. So he is on stage 6 heading towards the Beeches.

Day 18: Simon was able to get another 16 miles (climb of 912ft) done and get the total miles cycled up to 415m, just another 11 miles to go before he reach half way. He is on Stage 6 heading towards the Beeches.

Day 19: Simon completed a 23 mile ride, taking him over the half way mark and around 2 thirds of the way into Stage 6.

Day 20: Another meeting held and this time with the Andersen ward, Wythenshawe MBU

Day 21: Inbetween chattting to MBUs, and tired legs… Simon completed a 12 mile ride, which sees the end of stage 6 and the start of stage 7 towards Greenhaven.

Day 22: After a few days rest over half term, Simon got my legs back in to it with a quick 12 miles

Day 23: Another 12 miles completed this lunchtime; it sees stage 7 complete and onto stage 8, a longer stage of 60 miles . It’s great to see the status map filling up with green…

Day 24: Thursday night and Simon managed to sneak in a 45 minute ride, covering another 15 miles. This finally takes him over the 500 mile marker; total at 505m.

Day 25: A late lunch today and time in the saddle for 18 miles, 540 miles in total and over half way in stage 8. Simon  also met with Shelley from The Beeches this morning and had another great chat covering what APP offer on the partners side but also the grandparents cafés groups, Health Unlocked, the training side of APP, and the peer support.

Day 26: Simon is nearing the end of stage 8, with only 6 miles before he starts Stage 9. Simon also did an Instagram live with DadMatters whilst cycling!

Day 27:  Another 21 miles done today, which sees stage 8 complete and me Simon has got 15 miles into stage 9. It’s only 34 miles this one, so Simon is almost half way through already, heading towards the Barberry.

Day 28: Simon is now over two thirds of the way through, hitting a total mileage of 578. Another quick 15 miles last night sneaked in after work. Simon is pretty close to just 3 full stages to go, though the next one to Melbury Lodge is 133 miles! Onwards and upwards, looks like a 1000 ft climb is coming his way!

Day 29: A 910 ft climb and 19 miles, taking Simon to a total of 597 miles, the end of stage 9 and 15 miles into the larger stage 10. Simon also took part in an interview on BBC Radio Surrey -  tune in to 3.46 minutes  https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p09zf6j6

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 30: Simon managed to put in a 12 mile ride in amongst everything else, a busy day but it still means he is a few more peddles forward and 27 miles into stage 10. It’s fairly flat on this section and only small inclines. There’s a couple of 500 foot climbs later on in this stage but that’s pretty standard climbs on a lot of his sessions anyway.

Day 31: Simon has been on the saddle for 31 days so far! Today's session although small, only 14 miles, was a tough one, as Simon was later than normal getting on the bike and decided he needed to try and do a faster average speed. That short stint takes the total miles to 623 and 41 miles into stage 10.

Day 32: Friday morning and Simon had a virtual meet with the MBU at Birmingham and was joined by Hannah Bissett APPs National Coordinator (NHS Contracts & Regional Projects), and Natalie Thompson APPs Peer Support Facilitator, Birmingham and Solihull. Another hectic weekend but Simon managed a 25 mile ride on Sunday, so has now been 32 days in the saddle. He is around half way through stage 10 (66 miles) and a total mileage so far of 648.

Day 33: This is the second longest stage but Simon now has 192 miles to go until the overall finish. He has ridden a total of 660 miles, with a small 12 mile ride Monday night, leaving him with 52 miles left to ride in stage 10.

Day 34: Simon completed a 21 mile cycle tonight, bringing the total up to 681 miles and for stage 10 only 34 miles to do, before a meet up with Melbury Lodge MBU.

Day 35: Simon got on his bike first thing before work this morning  and did 12 miles. He had a catch up with the Brockington MBU on Thursday. It was lovely to talk to the staff, hear about the MBU, and chat about APPs partner support project. Simon found a little more time later in the day, jumped back on the bike wanting to finish stage 10 and rode 23 miles, making a total of 35 miles on day 35. This now means he is 1 mile into the start of stage 11; only a 136 miles left until the finish.

Day 36: The end of the cycle is getting ever closer. Simon is now 20 miles into stage 11, which leaves him a total of 117 miles left to complete the challenge.

Day 37: Simon completed a 24 mile ride this morning. Stage 11 completed and onto stage 12 the LAST stage! With now only 93 miles to the finish; so far he has ridden 759 miles over 37 days.

Day 38: Simon completed a 29 mile ride today, climbing a total of 755 feet, which leaves him just 64 miles until the finish line.

Day 39: Simon managed a small 10 miles tonight, leaves just 54 miles left to do.

Day 40: Simon managed to get a 35 mile ride done tonight; which leaves him only 19 miles left to ride tomorrow (Friday) , having ridden a total so far of 833 miles.  A poignant day for Simon today, meeting the staff at Melbury Lodge which is his nearest MBU. Simon is now close to his fundraising target and thanks go out to all those who’ve sponsored him.

Day 41: Simon has now finished stage 12, the last stage in his 852 mile cycle!

Simon says "It’s been great meeting the staff at the MBUs and hearing about what they’ve been doing especially with covid restrictions but there’s also been tough at times, dragging myself up the stairs when it would’ve been far nicer having a meal and then sitting on the sofa! I’ve also had moments where I was taken back through our own journey and also considered how much awareness and change APP have been a part of. Also had a few brilliant times in the virtual world of Zwift, when you just find yourself in a group of riders from around the world, in a pack all keeping up with each other, it just pulls you along and helps with motivation. Thanks to all those who have supported me."

FACTS AND FIGURES

Amount raised to date £1131.88   Equipment used
Total Distance travelled 852 miles   Mountain bike
Total Climbed 24,232 feet   Wahoo Kickr smart trainer
Challenge Completed over 41 days   Zwift (running on an iPad)
Total hours on challenge 45 hours 19 minutes   Fan – Big!
Average speed 18.8 mph   Towel…
Longest mileage in 1 session 45.2 miles   Me & legs!
Highest climb in 1 session 2345 feet    
Longest time in 1 session 2 hours 43 minutes    
Total fluids taken whilst cycling 45 litres    
Longest time in 1 session 2 hours 43 minutes    
Radio listened to Endless    
Latest ‘Dr Who’ series Watched 4 episodes
  • Hadn’t watched since I was a child, not telling who the Dr was!
Movies 2 – (1 Xmas movie!)

Status Map

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6 September 2021

Katherine’s story: "The best view definitely comes after the hardest climb".

My husband and I were very lucky in that it didn’t take long after we were married to conceive. When the positive pregnancy test came, my husband was over the moon but I struggled to believe my eyes and sent him to the shops to buy another test! I ended up taking a few before the reality actually sunk in and I could be confident in celebrating, but once it had we were both over the moon!

I absolutely loved being pregnant - it was an amazing feeling growing another little human. In the grand scheme of things my pregnancy was a breeze; I had the usual morning sickness but on the whole I felt pretty good all the way through (although, why they call it ‘morning sickness’ is beyond me... I had it all day!)

When I was 35 weeks pregnant lockdown hit the country, so I began working from home and worked up until I was 37 weeks pregnant. My work consumed my time and my thoughts, and if I’m honest, I hadn’t really given the whole idea of labour much thought.

As soon as I stopped working, however, there was a void and I felt quite lost; this meant I had time to think... or should I say overthink!

The idea of labour hit me and to be honest I wasn’t feeling good about it - I was so scared. But in April of the first lockdown, our lovely baby Jude was born. 

Despite the difficult Covid situation, the midwives at the hospital were just amazing and even worked over the time of their shift to deliver our bundle of joy.

In the first few days after birth, like any new mum I was emotionally delicate and felt a spectrum of emotions. My body felt like it had been hit by a bus! But we were in awe of Jude and so excited to bring him home. Naturally, we just wanted to share him with loved ones, but the pandemic meant we couldn’t do this in the way we wanted. I just craved hugs!

When people say in jest “be prepared for those sleepless nights” they are NOT kidding! I was exhausted and definitely suffered from sleep deprivation. Even when I did get the chance to sleep, I was unable to switch off and sleep soundly.

Then, exactly a week after I gave birth, I experienced a psychotic episode. It came on really quickly and escalated - in just ten minutes I went from feeling like myself to becoming a shaking wreck. My thoughts were racing and I was trying to write them down on my phone to get them out of my head but I couldn’t type quickly enough. I didn’t tell anyone about these racing thoughts but very quickly, they turned into delusions.

I believed that tapping my phone rapidly would transfer the thoughts from my head into my phone, and I thought rubbing my hands or tapping on myself quickly would slow down time. I began thinking about God creating the world in seven days and believed I could now understand how he did it. I started to think I was the second coming and that Jude’s birth was linked to this.

I was unable to swallow my food and was convinced that if I flushed the toilet it would trigger a Noah’s Ark type situation.

My mum and husband tried to get me to sleep and rang the hospital where I had given birth as they were so worried about me. They were advised to take me back into hospital. My husband drove us and my mum stayed at home to look after Jude. My delusions became much worse on the way and I believed the car was going to crash and that we would die. I then started to believe that the things that happened to Jesus would happen to me – betrayal, disbelief, crucifixion. I also became confused about who was who, and at one point thought that my husband was my dad.

I was given medication and diagnosed with postpartum psychosis. I woke up the next day feeling confused and I still had some strange beliefs but eventually I was calm enough to be discharged back home with the support of the crisis team.

Over the following months I continued to struggle at home. I experienced a range of emotions, and desperately hoped it would all pass and get better. But it just got worse...

I experienced panic attacks, I lost my appetite, I had blurry vision, mood swings, I felt numb and spaced out, I had constant anxiety and difficulty concentrating. Day to day things such as cooking became impossible as I was unable to process things, and I became obsessive with making lists and tidying. It felt as if the enjoyment had been sucked out of everything. I didn’t know long I could continue to go on for like this. I finally built up the courage to ask for help and admitted myself to a Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) where I spent a total of four months. I was lucky to get a bed just an hour away from home – something that isn’t currently a possibility for everyone and some mothers are admitted to a general psychiatric ward and separated from their babies.

Going to an MBU ensured I was able to recover with our baby by my side, but it was still a difficult journey being in a hospital environment and I found myself watching the clock all day every day and, due to COVID, visits were restricted to three times a week for just one hour per visit.

That being said, the staff were second to none. They were so caring and supportive and ensured you were listened to every step of the way; they were a real credit to the NHS! I also made friends with some of the other mums too, which made life a little less lonely.

It got worse before it got better, however, and my anxieties eventually turned into a severe depression. Now I know that the illness just had to run it’s course, however at the time it felt as if I’d never recover. Sometimes, when you’re in the midst of mental illness, you just can’t see any way out.

I was so home sick that I asked for day release - all I wanted to do was walk along the river. My leave was granted and we did what I’d been dreaming of for so long. For me this was the turning point; it was like the flick of a switch. The fog lifted and for the first time in a long time I felt more like myself. It was only a few weeks after this that I was fully discharged and able to continue my recovery from home with the family.

This is why I wanted to tell my story - to share hope with anyone out there suffering and seeing no way out.

If that’s you, you might not believe me now, but hold on and keep going. I promise it does get better.

And to my friends and family who checked in with me regularly, sent beautiful gifts through the post and held my hand when I was lost I want to say thank you - you helped me find me again.

Being ill for so long and having to fight so hard has given me a different perspective on life; it has made me appreciate and cherish all the little things so much more. Watching Jude grow and learn new things is my greatest joy. The best view definitely comes after the hardest climb.

22 July 2021

A day in the life of…a Peer Support Facilitator

Natalie Thompson has worked with APP since 2019 and is based in our Birmingham and Solihull peer support team. Having experienced PP twice herself in 2003 and 2007, and later being diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2010, Natalie helps support women and families affected by PP (or other illnesses featuring manic or psychotic symptoms). After treatment in an acute psychiatric ward and fantastic care at the Birmingham Mother and Baby Unit (MBU), Natalie knows how challenging it can be to settle back into everyday life.

Here, she shares a typical day in the life of her role with APP.

09:00

I always start the day with a cup of tea (never coffee!) to wake me up. Steaming hot brew at the ready, I’ll open up my laptop, check my emails to see if there’s anything urgent I need to respond to, and then I’ll make a plan for the day. I also have a paper diary to cross reference with to make sure I don’t miss anything – I haven’t quite managed to go entirely paperless yet!

09:30

Armed with another cup of tea, I’ll call the women on my caseload to check in and see how things are. In normal times, this might be a face to face chat but during the pandemic we have tried to stay in touch by phone or zoom meetings. I know from personal experience that chatting to someone who has been through what you have is such a big help and makes you feel less alone in your recovery (which also helps to speed up recovery). From these calls I’ll write up my notes to make sure I am able to reflect on any areas I need to follow up on.

11:00

To end the morning, I might refresh my skills by taking part in training and shared learning. Sometimes this will be provided by the brilliant team at APP, but, as a partner of the local NHS Trust, we are also able to access NHS training and development too. It’s always good to keep learning and hearing best practice and I feel lucky that this is something APP is so supportive of.

12:30

Time for a lunch break. One of the perks of working from home during the pandemic is that my husband always makes our lunch which gives me more time to simply switch off for a break. He usually prepares nice healthy meals – but always tends to over do it with the mayo! (Not that I’m complaining!)

13:30

After lunch, I might attend an MDT meeting (multi disciplinary team meeting – one of the by-products of working in health is the number of acronyms you become accustomed to!). This might be attended by clinicians, nursery nurses etc.... and some of the issues we might address could include women on the high risk pathway and admissions to the MBU. Next up – it’s finally time for my one and only cup of coffee of the day! If I have any more than one I'd be bouncing off the walls!

14:30

Next I’ll make sure I get moving and get some fresh air by doing a socially distanced walk with one of the women on my caseload who is recovering from PP. These ‘walk and talk’ peer support meetings have been great during lockdown – especially for women who feel anxious leaving the house alone and those who don’t have a great social network. Getting out is difficult for new mums as it is, but even more so when you’re recovering from severe mental illness – and we know that exercise and fresh air both contribute to wellness so it’s a win-win.

15:30

Next, I might prepare for the APP café group – a session where several women get together to share their experiences or just to socialise with others who have been through similar experiences. When restrictions allow, these are all done in a physical space, so I’ll check out the venue, make sure they have good facilities and space, etc. Then, I’ll email participants a little reminder or, where outdoor café groups take place, check on the dreaded weather!

16:30

Time to clock off. That’s the great thing about working for a charity that’s committed to mums and babies spending time together – they like to ensure your work doesn’t eat too much into your family time! So even when I work from home I’m pretty strict about clocking off at the end of my shift and joining my family for a relaxing evening.

To find out more about current APP peer support job vacancies, click here.

 

 

 

 

4 May 2021

APP urges HSC Northern Ireland to invest in ‘critical’ Mother and Baby Unit to save lives

Representatives from Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) are speaking at the Northern Ireland Maternal Mental Health Conference this week to raise awareness of postpartum psychosis and the need for specialist life-saving facilities.

Postpartum psychosis is always a medical emergency and yet, while many parts of the UK now have specialist Mother and Baby Units (MBUs) to treat women experiencing this severe mental illness, Northern Ireland, North Wales, Northern Scotland and the Republic of Ireland currently have no such facilities.

MBUs accommodate multidisciplinary teams of experts able to care for both the physical and emotional needs of new mothers. They have specialist knowledge of the issues surrounding medication management in pregnancy and the postnatal period. Presently, because women in Northern Ireland do not have access to an MBU, they would be admitted to a general psychiatric unit – resulting in separation from their baby during this critical time, with potential lifelong consequences for both mother and baby.

Dr Sally Wilson, National Research and Training Co-ordinator, APP, who is speaking at the conference on Thursday (6 May) said: “Postpartum Psychosis is a devastating mental illness that can occur completely out of the blue and it always requires emergency specialist care. However, if affected families are able to quickly access the right treatment, the prognosis is good and women recover. MBUs are a vital service for mothers experiencing severe forms of postnatal mental illness, and we believe that every woman experiencing postpartum psychosis should have access to this critical specialist support.”

Postpartum psychosis is a severe postnatal mental illness that affects 1,400 women and their families every year in the UK – from all backgrounds. Half of cases are ‘out of the blue’ with women having no history of mental illness. Symptoms include hallucinations, delusions, mania, depression, restlessness, anxiety, confusion, and erratic behaviour  - which can manifest within days of childbirth. With the right treatment, women can fully recover.

Dr Jess Heron, CEO, APP said: “We’ve been campaigning for more Mother and Baby Units for many years. We hear so often from women and families about how traumatising and inappropriate general unit admission was. Our research shows that women who receive care for postpartum psychosis within an MBU feel more satisfied with the care they receive, they feel safer, more confident in staff, more confident with their baby, and are able to recover more quickly. These are essential services, not nice-to-haves, and they play a critical role in keeping families together and saving lives.”

The Northern Ireland Maternal Mental Health Conference takes place on Thursday 6 May during Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week. It aims to bring together parents, health services and the third sector to ensure that nobody is left alone to struggle with postnatal mental illness.

Both Dr Sally Wilson, National Research and Training Co-ordinator, APP and Ellie Ware, National Peer Support Co-ordinator, APP have experienced PP personally and will be presenting on behalf of the charity. Delegates can expect to hear more on what postpartum psychosis is, why it’s always a medical emergency, what care pathways for PP should look like, and why MBUs are essential. They will also discuss the importance of peer support and the myriad ways APP can support women and families, including some of the organisation’s future plans in Northern Ireland.

To book your place, and to find out more, click here

For further information on postpartum psychosis, or to access peer support, visit www.www.app-network.org

APP volunteer, Oorlagh Quinn, launched a petition calling for an MBU in Northern Ireland. To find out more about Oorlagh’s campaign and to sign, click here

26 April 2021

Peer support service launches in Morpeth for mothers experiencing postpartum psychosis

A partnership between Cumbria Northumberland Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust (CNTW) and national charity Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) is creating an invaluable peer support service for women experiencing severe mental illness following the birth of their child.

The Beadnell Mother and Baby Unit in Morpeth, which is run by CNTW, has contracted APP to deliver this much-needed support. APP is currently recruiting for someone who has experienced postpartum psychosis to join the team as a part time Peer Support Worker.

The Mother and Baby Unit exists to support women experiencing severe mental illness in pregnancy and following birth, with specialist support available to treat conditions such as severe postnatal depression and postpartum psychosis. The Unit also provides specialist mother and baby classes, activities such as parent and child swimming and baby massage classes, and overnight facilities for partners – with the core aim of keeping families together to support a faster recovery and better quality of life.

Postpartum psychosis is a debilitating postnatal mental illness that can occur out of the blue. New mums with postpartum psychosis may develop high or low mood, or fluctuate between them, alongside delusions, hallucinations or severe confusion. Many of these mothers have had no previous mental health diagnosis prior to onset – although women with bipolar disorder are at higher risk. It affects around 1400 women and their families every year in the UK and is always a medical emergency. However, it is eminently treatable and most women go on to make a full recovery with the right support.

Allison Spiers, Ward Manager at the Beadnell Mother and Baby Unit, said: “We work very closely with APP to support mothers who are experiencing postpartum psychosis, and we are really pleased to be growing that relationship by welcoming a new Peer Supporter employed by APP into our team.  Not only will they offer vital one-on-one support to new mothers at a very distressing time in their lives, this Peer Supporter will also support group work with the women on our unit, and provide training to ensure our whole team continue to develop an in-depth understanding of postpartum psychosis. At CNTW we believe that service users and carers with lived experience of mental ill-health should be at the heart of everything we do, and employing Peer Support staff is an integral part of this.”

Dr Jess Heron, CEO, Action on Postpartum Psychosis, said: “We know that CNTW are already big believers in the value of peer support and lived experience engagement. The service that they provide to new mothers and families at the Mother and Baby Unit is outstanding, and, by combining this with the new peer support role women will receive a truly holistic and specialist treatment. Being able to support women and families at this critical stage, as they go through this frightening experience and begin to recover, is key to reducing the trauma, giving hope, and helping women and families feel less alone as they navigate the recovery process.

“This vital service will benefit women affected by postpartum psychosis and their families across the wider North East region. As a national charity we are campaigning to see more Mother and Baby Units like this one open up around the UK, to help save lives, promote recovery and to keep families together.”

Hannah Bissett, National Co-ordinator (NHS Contracts & Regional Projects), Action on Postpartum Psychosis, said: “As a woman who has personally experienced postpartum psychosis I know how isolating and afraid it can make you feel. Peer support is a vital piece of the recovery jigsaw and we now have over 2,800 lived experience users sharing their stories and receiving support from trained volunteers as part of our national peer support forum.

“Having somebody there for you who knows exactly what you’re going through and who can inspire hope will undoubtedly bring a sense of relief and reassurance to women in the region who may find themselves experiencing postpartum psychosis. We’re delighted to be partnering with CNTW on this project and I’m looking forward to starting to build our volunteer team and hearing from applicants with lived experience interested in the peer support role.”

APP already delivers successful and award-winning peer support services working in partnership with NHS Trusts around the UK, as well as managing a thriving online national peer support forum. The charity also provides peer support for partners of women who are experiencing or have experienced postpartum psychosis.

To find out more about the Peer Supporter role, click here

 

1 April 2019

Corinne's story: "I felt alive, confident and magical".

“Stuck in reverse” as the song goes…

This interpretation will be in the form of snap shots in time as it is in life. The experience I had has mostly faded but every so often (as anything that causes a big impact on your life tends to do) a memory of a time in our life pops into our head, triggered by a news item, an article, or an association. And this experience of having the line of a song pop into my head has always been there for me. During my psychosis and with associated mania, the ability to pluck ‘puns’ and ‘songs’ out of thin air was electrifying and exhilarating in the first degree: I felt alive, confident and magical.

From the present looking back my life is often about the need to catch up and fill in the gaps that were taken from my anticipated version of what having a child was all about. This includes learning Reiki as a way of continued healing for myself and others, working from a local hub that supports women and their families before, during and after childbirth and most recently setting up a small group for toddlers to experience music via percussion instruments and song.

Hannah was born on 4th July 1990 in the early hours of the morning in the place I had but a few short weeks before worked as a midwife, blurring of lines and boundaries showing itself already. The labour was long and augmented, the delivery scary and traumatic. To a background of a really hot summer, the World Cup and a full to overflowing maternity unit and special care baby unit.

I remember thinking my baby had died as the time between eventual delivery and her first cry felt like an eternity. I was shown a quick glimpse of our daughter before she was rushed away in an incubator by the paediatricians with my husband Kevin following as her chaperone. Kevin came back with a photograph the Special care staff had taken of Hannah, with tubes and leads everywhere, a misshaped head and the distinctive mark of the shape of forceps over her swollen eyes. I hugged the photograph and longed to meet her properly in person.

This was my former place of work and full to capacity. I needed a blood transfusion and had a catheter in place. I was exhausted but could not really sleep.

Fast forward three days. I just thought I was superwoman and was going up and down the back stairs to visit Hannah. I had registered her birth because I knew the Registrar and on which days she visited the ward.

That night I was very agitated and kept asking over and over why Kevin or anybody else had not thanked me. I felt everything was speeding up; I was talking rapidly and had this incredible sinking feeling.

The Sister on the ward had told Kevin she was worried about how much water I was drinking, jug after jug, after jug. At the time I felt it was helping correct the sinking feeling. Everything felt as if I was in a bizarre sci-fi film and the only way I can describe it was that everything felt in reverse and I was in some sort of Vortex.

Behind the scenes Kevin had expressed concern about my behaviour and told the night staff; luckily it was Lynne, someone I had trained with and knew me pretty well. The day staff felt they had no evidence of strange behaviour and if I was disorientated it was understandable because of the traumatic delivery. Kevin remembered me telling him about a time when I did my community experience where a new mother had felt she had special powers and that if she dropped her baby out of the top floor window the baby would have grown angel wings and floated away.

His concern, therefore, was that I would harm Hannah in some way and she, more than I, needed protection. He had no more insight or information about the effects of Postpartum Psychosis and the danger it would have to me.

Hannah was recovering from her ordeal and was spending parts of the day with me and going back to Special care for her tests and intravenous antibiotics.

On day ten we transferred to Park Prewett Hospital Mother and Baby Unit. I was visited by a psychiatrist on the ward, assessed and given tranquillisers and anti-psychotic medication. The delay was to ensure Hannah and I were well enough to travel. Another midwife, Stella, a previous student midwife I had helped train, was assigned to accompany us in our car while Kevin drove us to Basingstoke. I wasn’t really aware of the plan and where or why I was going.

The car journey was terrifying. I felt as if everything was super-fast while still feeling this sinking feeling and having to sink further and further down the seat to an almost lying position whilst trying to keep drinking water to help prevent the feeling but to no avail. At one point I was so scared I opened the car door to try and escape.

In the grounds at Park Prewett hospital, about a week after first arriving

On arrival at Downside Mother and Baby Unit (who picked the name I wonder?) all I could hear was a very distressed lady calling out constantly “I can’t care for him. I can’t care for him.” I knew Park Prewett Hospital from my Psychiatric experience as a student nurse and didn’t think I belonged here and didn’t understand why I had come because there was nothing wrong with me.

Fast forward a few weeks. The initial mania had been replaced by a drugged slowing. I was heavily sedated and given a sun cream to wear because the Largactil had the side effect of making the skin very sensitive to sunlight and prevent burning. I was told would have to stop breastfeeding, which had been intermittent because of my unpredictability anyway. I found that Hannah had taken easily to the breast and I had had no problems feeding her. A tank was set up in the kitchen along with all the other mum’s sterilising units in my part of our shared kitchen.

The ward was part of the old Victorian building which had high ceilings and an ancient plumbing system. I remember thinking that that was part of my many ‘tests’ I had been set. I wasn’t told it would take a long time for the water to go from stone cold to warm and eventually learnt that it was ok to run the tap for a long time instead of my method of filling a bucket from the urn and hand filling the bath.

All of this also happened before the smoking ban and I was never sure who were our nurses and who were patients as both openly smoked in the communal lounge.

We had our own rooms at the end of a long corridor and the nursery was behind the Sister’s office where we were all allocated an old fashion Silver Cross pram to place our babies in during the day.

I had been living and caring for Hannah for around four months and had sunk into a depression. After discussion it was decided that ECT (Electroconvulsive therapy) would be the quickest way to reverse the brain out of depression. An initial course of ten was ordered and I went once a week in a mini bus to the ECT suite a la ‘one flew Over a Cuckoo’s Nest’. The first time I went a very kind houseman cycled over so he could hold my hand as I had never had an anaesthetic before and felt pretty frightened.

I got a massive headache due to the side effects of ECT and Hannah was always cared for by the nursing staff for a few hours while I recovered in my darkened room. The more lasting effect was short term memory loss. After another round of ECT which improved the depression, I was unable to recall Nursery Rhymes and a few other dates and events. Over the course of time and years these all eventually came back to me. Fast forward to the present and this is why I am so happy to be offering Music with Baby classes; it feels very healing as well as enjoyable.

In the nursery on Downside Ward MBU

There was certainly a wonderful camaraderie we woman developed and a lot of us stayed in touch long after our eventual discharge from hospital.

Coming home was gradual and involved just one night at home, then two, then a weekend, a long weekend and a full week until our final discharge.

When I did get home, I missed the ward so much as it felt safe and there was always someone there to ask questions and talk to. Five months later and I still felt incredibly isolated and alone and found it hard to pick up any threads of my former life. Mothers I had known in antenatal classes were in their groove and routines and I felt very different and ashamed that somehow, I was responsible for getting ill. Some family members and friends preferred not to mention my illness which only added to the stigma.

I missed the daily crossword with coffee at ten, the walks in the extensive grounds with Bernie, the shop, the hairdressers (not my best look) and Art therapy.

Fast forward to nine months later and I revisited the ward as it was suggested to me that I could offer hope to the women who had through no fault of their own found themselves in this other strange and frightening void after childbirth.

This is an abridged version of events. Which offers the light and the shade of my experience of Postpartum Psychosis. I wish to always champion the marginalised person in any situation, and I now feel very empowered. Looking back, I have no regrets and own the experience as part of my life story. It has been a great leveller and I now view the world from a different perspective. You can recover from this illness. It happened twice to me, and I also developed Manic Depression, but I eventually recovered. It will change you forever but not for the worse.

20 March 2018

Hannah’s story: "If there’s one thing I’ve learnt, its that you CAN recover".

My experience of postpartum psychosis was completely out of the blue. When my eldest, Sebastian, was born in September 2009, I’d enjoyed a really normal pregnancy. I’d had no prior mental health problems and, because of that, I had no idea what was happening to me when things started to go wrong.

Unfortunately, after a relatively calm and happy pregnancy, I went through a really traumatic birth, where I was transferred to hospital by ambulance and had to have an emergency C-section.

Back at home, just days after Sebastian was born, I noticed that I wasn’t sleeping properly and felt really quite anxious. As a first time mum, I assumed this was normal and tried to ignore it. However, the anxieties became obsessional and I felt paranoid. The midwives were concerned and advised I see a doctor which I did, but I was told to ‘pull myself together.’ So, thinking this must all be normal, I went back home and tried to get on with being a mum.

A big problem for me in the early days was that I was struggling to breastfeed. This, I now know, is not unusual, but my response to it was. I became really quite fixated on it and obsessed over it. The midwives supported me through it and tried to help me with alternative feeding options, but then I started to obsess over Sebastian’s weight. I also became obsessed with folding his blankets in a very particular way and checking the temperature in each room over and over again.

The midwives were really supportive but the problem was, I never really saw the same person twice, so it probably took a bit longer for them to notice the progression of my symptoms. Still, they pressed for me to see another doctor and made the appointment for me.

This was when my illness started to become really apparent to everyone around me.

It’s hard for me to recall this period with any degree of clarity, but my husband said that when I had to get ready for the appointment, I flew into a panic and threw such random clothes on that I didn’t look anything like my usual self. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t make eye contact with the GP and, because of my presentation, he referred me to a psychiatrist at a mental health unit.

However, I think I managed to pull the wool over the psychiatrist’s eyes a bit. I remember flashes of sitting in the waiting room and thinking that I needed to convince them all that this horrible dread I was feeling was nothing.

I was terrified that if they saw how unwell I really was, they’d take my baby away from me.

Perhaps due to my efforts, and the lack of awareness of postpartum psychosis at the time, I was wrongly diagnosed with postnatal depression. I didn’t recognise that diagnosis at all as I knew I couldn’t be depressed – my moods were anxious and erratic and manic. Additionally, although I never disclosed it to anyone as I was so scared at what was happening to me, I was beginning to hear whispers and see flashes out of the corner of my eye.

After being sent home from the mental health unit that day, however, crisis hit.

My husband recalls waking up in the middle of the night to find all the lights on. He got up and found me wandering around frantically, talking to myself.

He rang the crisis team but, when they knew the baby was OK, they just suggested he call back the next day. But I really wasn’t OK. It must have been so frightening for my husband too, to see me so out of control like that. He sought help from his dad and they both took me to hospital where I was immediately sectioned and hospitalised the following day.

Initially, I was put on a general mixed psychiatric ward without my baby. I completely unravelled at that point. I was running around screaming, throwing plates of food, not knowing if the baby I had given birth to was real or a figment of my imagination. I didn’t trust any of my own thoughts or feelings.

I became obsessed with things again – this time with alarms sounding, but the nurses would tell me there were no alarms going off so it was obviously a hallucination. My mind felt completely broken. I never wanted to hurt me, or my son, or indeed anyone else. But I thought everyone was trying to hurt us.  I didn’t know where my son was – I even wondered if he was dead and it was my fault.

After two weeks on that psychiatric ward I was referred to a hospital in York, a bit further away from home. I wasn’t reacting to my medication and was so high and manic. I still wasn’t sleeping and was barely eating or drinking. The fact that I wasn’t looking after my body and was throwing myself around also caused physical problems for me – particularly in respect of the C-section wound.

Eventually, I burnt out. But this wasn’t the end of the experience.

I was left almost catatonic, completely flat and like a shell of my former self. They changed my medication and I underwent ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) and I was transferred into a mother and baby unit. At least then I was able to spend time bonding with my baby and I had my own space - although I still had access to the main ward and TV room.

After all this, I was eventually given some leaflets about postpartum psychosis. This was around 28 days after my section. I began making steady progress and was no longer psychotic but I was still incredibly anxious. So we took things slowly and I had a day at home on Christmas Day, but other than that, we upped my leave incrementally until I was finally ready to move back home permanently in January 2010.

When I got home, I saw this amazing CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) who would visit me and one of things she did was take me out for coffee and cake. It made me feel normal – as if I was just a normal mum out with her baby and a friend. I had access to this support for three years and it really helped me transition back to normality.

I was finally discharged completely from mental health services in 2012. I’ve had no subsequent episodes, and my second baby came along with me experiencing no symptoms of psychosis. Of course, I was understandably anxious at times, but, after being referred to Professor Ian Jones by my GP I saw a psychiatrist locally at eight months pregnant.  Finally we were able to plan for that early postnatal period and I took anti-psychotics for a short time after the birth just to be safe.

Since the traumatic time when I was unwell and recovering from PP, which wasn’t just difficult for me, but also for my husband and family too, life has been good. Of course, things are never perfect and there are ups and downs, but I feel as though my mental health is back to where it was pre-2009. I just hope that mums today are able to find help more quickly than I did if they experience the symptoms of postpartum psychosis.

But if I’ve learnt anything, it’s that while this illness really can come out of the blue – it can be treated and you can recover.