Tag Archives: postpartum psychosis

5 September 2025

Our 2025 Great North Run Team

We're very proud to have five runners representing APP in the iconic Great North Run this year. They've been training hard throughout the hot summer months, ready to take on the world's biggest half marathon on Sunday 7th September.

Meet our 2025 Great North Run Team:

Gemma and James

Siblings Gemma and James are no strangers to the Great North Run, having taken part in 2016. Now they're back, with the aim of beating their younger selves (and maybe even each other!)

Hoping to have a great time on the day, they're really looking forward to running together through their local area for a cause that means a lot to them.

Gemma says: 'I'm so proud to be running for APP and we're really excited about the day! It's nice to be running with my brother, we don't get to spend as much time together as I'd like so this is a good excuse! Everyone has been really generous with their donations - thank you!'

You can support the siblings here.

Debbie and Jo

Debbie and Jo are experienced runners who have taken part in numerous events before, but this will be their first experience of the Great North Run.

Debbie encouraged her friend Jo to run with her for this event - knowing just how important the work is that APP does.

Debbie is Ward Manager at the Margaret Oates Mother and Baby Unit in Nottingham.

Debbie says: 'We would appreciate your support if you can to help raise funds for this amazing charity. As many of you know I work with women suffering a severe mental illness following childbirth and it is vital that our families are supported. Suicide remains the leading cause of maternal deaths in the first year post partum, but these illnesses are treatable and women recover. Supporting APP will help raise awareness of this illness.'

Thank you Debbie for all you do to support families, and to both you and Jo for taking on this challenge for APP.

Support Debbie and Jo here.

Fiona

Fiona is taking on her first ever Great North Run, inspired to take part and raise funds for APP by her good friend Laura (pictured together with Fiona on the left of the photo here).

Fiona says: 'I am running for my friend Laura who has had postpartum psychosis after both her children were born'.

Good luck Fiona!

Add your support for Fiona here.

As always, the Great North Run will be covered live on BBC TV so keep an eye out for our runners in their purple APP tops. And if you can be there in the North East in person, do give TeamAPP an extra big cheer as they run past!

Good luck to all our runners and thank you for taking on this amazing challenge for APP.

The Great North Run is a fantastic event to be part of, so if you're feeling inspired by our 2025 team, we will have places again next year - contact our fundraiser Fliss if you're interested in running for APP in 2026.

27 August 2025

Aimee’s story: I wish I could have spoken to someone else like me when I was in hospital

In the years since I gave birth I felt completely overwhelmed by shame and guilt – until I met someone else who had experienced postpartum psychosis (PP). Getting that peer support from APP helped me come to terms with what I had been through - and marked the first time I felt any degree of normality since giving birth.

I had been in hospital for almost a year after becoming unwell with PP. There were times when I honestly didn’t think I would get better. In fact, I think if I could have spoken to someone else who had been through it when I was in hospital I might have found hope and recovery sooner. But today, me and my son George have the absolute best bond, I’m back at work and I’m even managing George’s junior rugby team. There was a time when I never could have imagined this life.

My pregnancy was generally fine – up until the point that I was induced, got sepsis and had to have an emergency C-section. I was in hospital for about five days and I didn’t get much sleep. As a single mum, I lived with my mum at the time and, when I first brought George home, she noticed something was really wrong with how I was behaving. It was as though I went completely round the twist – believing that the girl from The Exorcist was living in my wardrobe and thinking that I was going to die or George was going to die. I also stopped my mum from touching George because I believed she was poisonous and that the poison would seep out of her blood and get into him. I wasn’t sleeping and I was excessively cleaning and panic buying things. I was also talking manically and was very hyperactive.

It was a strange situation because I didn’t think there was anything wrong with me, it was everyone around me, all my family members, who noticed that there was something very wrong.

I agreed to go back to the maternity unit for a check up and was assessed in hospital by psychiatrists. I was incredibly manic at the time and becoming really out of control. They gave me a lot of sedatives and put a section on me, which they then lifted. That was when I was admitted to a Mother and Baby Unit (MBU).

A couple of hours later the sedatives wore off and I completely flipped out. I was restrained and injected and, from that point on, I barely remember a thing. It was like I woke up in hospital and it was next year.

During that period I was moved between the MBU, a psychiatric intensive care unit and two other psychiatric hospitals. I wasn’t responding to medication, so it took a few months to find the right one and come round from the psychosis. But for some time I was basically like a zombie in a chair - dribbling, non-verbal, unkempt and putting on a lot of weight. During this time my mum looked after George but she also looked after me – advocating on my behalf at the hospital and asking for more support.

Being in hospital was traumatic. At one point I was on a mixed ward and I was punched in the face and sexually assaulted by a couple of the male patients there. In December of last year I started having really distressing nightmares about my experience there.

Luckily, the all-women hospital I was moved to was where things started to improve. The clozapine was working and the environment was much better – the staff were lovely and being among all women patients and having more homely areas and activities to take part in really helped. I started to get snapshots of memory back. They let me have more visitors as well, and at one point I was able to go home for a night at a time. They also used to help me shower and help me do my hair and make-up, bringing a degree of normality back into my life.

Saying that, my recovery has been quite slow. I was on clozapine for two and a half years after being discharged and my follow-up care wasn’t great – possibly because it was during the pandemic. I was never offered any therapy and I had put on ten stone while in hospital, so I was physically unfit as well.

I eventually came off the clozapine in 2022 and was put on antidepressants but I wasn’t sleeping and kept waking up with night terrors. Eventually, I found a private therapist who was fantastic and helped me talk through my trauma and work on my self esteem.

She helped me come to terms with what had happened and helped me to understand that it was an illness – it was nothing that I had done wrong.

It was around that time I found APP, too. I got in touch with Ellie from the peer support team and took part in my first zoom café group. I was then matched with Krystal as my one-to-one peer supporter who was also really great. It was the first time I had met anyone else who had experienced PP and who had been through a similar trauma. Talking to others who have been there really gives you hope and helps you feel less ashamed and alone.

I have since been diagnosed with bipolar but it hasn’t stopped me living my life. Speaking with others who can relate was a big turning point. And my mum has been a wonderful support and the therapy really helped me too. I think it’s important to reach out for that help because locking it away is the worst thing you can do. You need to process it and you need to find hope to help you recover more quickly.

I feel so lucky that me and George have such a great bond now – he’s such a mummy’s boy.

I was worried it might never happen because we were separated for such a long time and it took a little while but we got there.

I just want others to know that you can be in the absolute worst place ever, but it does get better. It’s hard work and it takes time but you can do it. You just need to learn to reach out and ask for help. If you feel like your meds aren’t right - say so. If you feel any warning signs creeping back in - go and get help. Plodding along and saying that everything’s OK when it isn’t is the worst thing to do. I never had that hope which is why I struggled so much and for so long. I genuinely believe that if I spoke to someone like me when I was at my worst it would have made a huge difference. Everyone needs to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

5 August 2025

Rory’s story: It was supposed to be the best year of our lives but we ended up living apart for five months

2023 was supposed to be the best year of our lives, having our first child in Spring and getting married at Christmas time.

Within 12 weeks we went from the feeling of reassurance that the 20 week scan gave us, to living apart for nearly five months when Megan was admitted to a Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) following a mental health crisis.

I'd heard of the baby blues and postnatal depression but I'd never heard of postpartum psychosis (PP), which happens in around 1-2 in 1000 pregnancies. I also didn't know the most common cause of death of women within a year of having a child was suicide, a risk I didn't think we would be managing after becoming parents for the first time.

While PP most often occurs following birth, our case was slightly different and things started to go wrong while Megan was still pregnant. She became more and more anxious about the pregnancy, worrying that something awful was happening and that she couldn't feel any movement. We were visiting A&E regularly, being sent for yet another scan, waiting for hours to be told everything was fine and being asked if this was our first child. People suggesting we were worrying for no reason became our norm.

However, we were told she didn’t meet the threshold for perinatal mental health support when we finally got an assessment. This cycle went on for weeks with Megan's anxiety becoming worse by the day, and her severe sleep issues led to stronger delusional beliefs. It was only when Megan became suicidal that I feel like we were finally listened to.

At 32 weeks pregnant she was sectioned. It was awful for her and I will never forget the sadness in her eyes as I had to say goodbye. As difficult as that was I knew that her safety, and our unborn child were the priority. A few weeks later, our beautiful son was born prematurely and he spent some time in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, while I spent my days visiting him in one part of the hospital and Megan in the other. Three weeks later was the first sign of hope I had, as Oscar was discharged and able to move to the MBU to be with his mummy, and supported by the most wonderful nursery team who looked after my family outside of visiting hours and when I returned to work.

Coming back to an empty flat for the best part of five months broke my heart but mums and their babies need each other and that's one of the reasons MBUs exist. Sadly, there still isn't enough of them across the UK and none at all in Northern Ireland where we planned to have our children. I spent a lot of time researching postpartum psychosis and finding the stories on APP’s website and forum gave me hope - as did the MBU staff reassuring me that "she will get better".

A photo of a young boy with blonde hair and beige short-sleeved shirt — Rory and Megan's son, Oscar

When Megan and Oscar came home I told myself if I could get through those months, everything else would be a breeze. And whilst things slowly got better, my personal resilience was shot, just as I was finally feeling like a proper dad for the first time and not relying on hospital staff. In truth the last year and a half has not been easy as Megan continued to recover at home, and we have both had our mental health challenges.

Megan continued to engage in the professional services even when she didn’t want to. Her hard work, support from our family who visited regularly, our patience for each other and the love of the most amazing little human have got us to where we are now. Now we are looking forward and building memories as a family and have a lot be thankful for. Sadly not everyone makes it this far, but those who access the support we have are able to have a much better chance.

Seeing how far Megan has come in the last 6 months makes me proud. She kept a lot of her feelings and experiences inside as there is a lot of stigma associated with mental illness, but she has come through that and no longer feels shame. She has now shared her experiences openly with friends and family, many of whom had no idea what she went through, as well as social media, and that's what's inspired me to write this.

The work of APP is critical in raising awareness including their campaign to open Northern Ireland’s first MBU, and educating medical professionals in maternal mental health. For anyone reading this who is going through something similar, don’t lose hope as things really can get better.

Rory is running the London Marathon for APP in April 2026. Find out more and add your support for his run here.

29 May 2025

Frankie’s story: I was lucky to get a bed on an MBU – every woman with PP should have access to one

By Frankie Roe

My friend said I’m the world’s worst patient and she is absolutely right. My brain doesn’t cope well with being told what to do or being stuck indoors, so I keep it happy by being active and spending lots of time outside. So, if I’m being honest, I absolutely loathed being stuck in an MBU. But I don’t know where I’d be today without the high standard of care that I received in there.

It was after giving birth to my firstborn that I became unwell, although, when I look back on it, I was struggling with anxiety for a long time before I even got pregnant. I found the pandemic really tough - not the fear of being ill, but the fear of being confined. I was also struggling with anxiety around the pregnancy, as I miscarried the first time which was really traumatic. Due to covid restrictions my partner waited in the corridor while I sat on my own waiting for our scan to confirm the pregnancy had ended. He was briefly allowed in before being sent back outside. We weren’t offered any counselling or support.

I got pregnant a few months after the miscarriage and hated every second of the pregnancy. Even after the 12-week scan when they told me my baby was well and wriggling around, I couldn’t relax. I became convinced the baby had stopped moving and was going to die.

I told myself that when the baby arrived I’d be able to relax, but my daughter wasn’t gaining weight and seemed so vulnerable. And so after the birth my fears about dead babies intensified.

I wasn’t sleeping, I was having to drive to the other side of the city for health appointments because of the pandemic and I was exhausted. But I kept powering through. When I couldn’t sleep at night I was cooking or painting furniture at 4am, and I was putting my daughter in her baby sling and going for four-mile walks across the moors. Because I’m such an active person these things didn’t stand out too much, but in retrospect they were definitely extreme - even for me.

I saw my GP and was diagnosed with postnatal depression and given antidepressants – and things rapidly deteriorated.

After starting antidepressants, I was cycling through rapid mood swings – being absolutely manic one minute and telling my partner I felt like jumping off a bridge the next. Plus, my sleep at this point was pretty non-existent and I became convinced that it was because of the colour of my bed sheets. I was terrified that I might never sleep again and the lack of sleep would kill me. I became increasingly possessive over my baby and refused to let my partner take on his share. I was hearing babies crying when I did manage to step away from her for a shower or to rest but would come downstairs in a panic to find her sleeping peacefully.

About ten weeks post-birth I mentally hit a cliff edge, the crisis team was called, and I was admitted to a Mother and Baby Unit (MBU).

I already knew what an MBU was because they came up in my Google searches when I was trying to find out what was wrong with me. I knew something wasn’t right - I just didn’t know what - so I agreed to go in voluntarily. My partner later told me that had I not agreed, I would likely have been sectioned the following day.

It was a weird experience because it was during the pandemic, and I had to stay in 24-hour isolation upon arrival, but it was good for me because I was given lorazepam and finally slept.

They immediately took me off my antidepressants and started me on antipsychotics and the psychosis improved really quickly. Still, I didn’t enjoy being in there. I know people need MBUs and hospital care, but I resented being inside and feeing like my life was controlled – and all the pandemic restrictions on top of that were tough, too. But I knew it was the best place for me.

Although the psychosis subsided quite quickly, I had really bad anxiety and my sleep patterns were all over the place. Even after discharge, I had recurrent periods of insomnia and I lost a lot of confidence. I found myself deferring to my partner when I’m naturally independent and stubborn.

I was back at work 10 months after giving birth and, although in hindsight I probably wasn’t fully ready for it, my manager was great and I felt really supported.

After having PP, I didn’t think I’d have another baby. But after a few years I felt ready to try.

I became pregnant really quickly and have been lucky that the second time around I didn’t become mentally unwell – but I also knew I had lots of NHS professionals on the case if I did.

I feel so grateful that, when I needed it, that specialist care on an MBU was there for me – because the idea of being separated from your baby on a general psychiatric ward is inhumane. I was told there were only eight beds for Yorkshire and the Humber so I was incredibly lucky to get a place when I needed it – and that’s why we need more MBU beds available for anyone who needs them. You hope you won’t need one but if you do become seriously ill, it’s definitely the best place for you. It will probably be hard but what would be a damn sight harder is sitting at home and letting it get worse and worse.

That’s why I think, if you get the choice to go voluntarily, you should absolutely take it. You might feel as though you’re losing your freedom at first, but you’ll get your freedom back so much sooner if you accept all the specialist help on offer. And when you look back on it, you’ll feel good about making that choice and accepting that help. I know that being on a mental health unit doesn’t make me a crap parent – and that accepting the help was the best thing to do for me and my baby.

26 May 2025

Mental Health Team take on Great North Swim for APP

On June 14th, a team of healthcare professionals from the South West Yorkshire Community Perinatal Mental Health Team will heading to the Lake District to take part in the Great North Swim to help raise funds and awareness for APP.

Attempting the one mile swim in the UK's biggest open water swimming event will be Claire, Louise, Mary, Roban and Laura - all of whom work together in the perinatal mental health team.

Claire explains more about how they got started and why they chose to take on this amazing challenge for APP.

'We started going out swimming once a month and now meet two - three times a week. It really has had a fantastic impact on our lives. It is so freeing being out in the water. We chat, put the world to rights, laugh and off load with each other, or swim bits on our own to just get some real time for ourselves in our busy lives.

It’s been really nice recently swimming (literally) alongside baby ducklings, swans and geese. It’s feels really special and the warm weather is definitely making it a pleasure to be out in the water.

Although we are not distance swimmers, we have all now swum a mile in the open water so this has given us a real confidence boost for the actual swim.

We are blown away by the generosity of people who have donated to your charity. We work with families affected by this illness and they often tell us no one had ever told them this was an illness that could affect them after having a baby, so we wanted to help raise awareness so women and birthing people and families know what the illness is and how to access support if they feel they are at risk or are experiencing symptoms.

We hope the number of donations reflects we have managed to spread the message and raise funds so you can continue all the work APP does.'

A huge thank you to all the team from all of us at APP - we can't wait to hear how you get on, fingers crossed for nice weather on the day!

You can find out more and add your support for our Great North Swim team here.

5 May 2025

APP launches new bereavement support web pages

Action on Postpartum Psychosis, the UK charity dedicated to supporting families affected by postpartum psychosis (PP), has launched new web resources to support individuals bereaved by the illness.

The resources, which are on the APP website, have been co-produced with academic experts, people with lived experience and third sector organisations which work with bereaved families.

The web pages include lived experience stories, information about postpartum psychosis and grief and guidance for supporting family members and children following bereavement. They also contain help with tasks after a bereavement, practical advice about financial support, inquests and investigations, coping with media interest, and ideas for remembrance.

APP’s bereavement support project responds to a long-standing gap in tailored support for bereaved families affected by PP. It has been made possible thanks to the Department of Health and Social Care’s Suicide Prevention VCSE Grant Fund, which awarded grants to 79 charities across England, including APP, to support life-saving suicide prevention services.

Rich Baish, APP Development Manager, said:

“I lost my wife to postpartum psychosis in 2022, and this content is something I would have really benefited from at the time. The web pages have been designed for partners and families of mums who’ve lost their lives and offer support, advice and practical help as they cope with their loss, as well as resources for families reeling from the loss of a baby. APP’s new resources are so important in making sure bereaved families can find help and support quickly. We’ll keep developing this resource over time, so if you have content to contribute, please do get in touch. I have also found meeting other families who have been bereaved to be cathartic and I would really encourage people in similar positions to get in touch with our specialist peer support team.”

APP can now offer peer support to bereaved families via a small team of trained volunteers, made up of people who have each lost someone in their family, including husbands and partners, mothers, fathers and adults who lost their mothers because of PP when they were children.

Dr Jess Heron, Chief Executive of APP, said:

“We must emphasise that most women recover from PP. Whilst deaths resulting from PP are very rare in the UK, losing a loved one in this way is utterly devastating and isolating. We are delighted that APP now has a small community of bereaved families who can come together and offer support to other families reeling from this tragedy. Our volunteers say that being able to talk to someone in this way at the time of their bereavement would have been so helpful for them.”

APP is grateful to Suicide&Co, The Loss Foundation and Anna Wardley, Churchill Fellow, for their contributions and guidance during the development of the new web resources. The pages can be accessed here.

If you or anyone you know have been affected by bereavement related to PP you can find out more about APP’s peer support service here. If you would like to join our community or contribute to the resource, please do get in touch. Health professionals working with individuals and families can also signpost people to APP’s support.

2 May 2025

How to get involved with Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week

We're proud once again to support Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week (5 - 11 May) – an important campaign founded by the Perinatal Mental Health Partnership.

The theme for this year's campaign is “Your Voice, Your Strength” – something that resonates deeply with us at APP, reinforcing the work we already do to amplify the voices of women and families affected by PP.

During the week you'll see us sharing stories and further highlighting the information and support we have available so no one has to go through this alone.

There are plenty of ways you can get involved, too, so we've outlined some of the activities we'll be taking part in on social media below:

Just prior to the main week, on Friday 2nd May, we have Pregnancy and Postpartum Psychosis Awareness Day (#PPPAwarenessDay). We’re also opening bookings for FREE training for health professionals.
On Monday 5th May, the theme is “Conversations That Matter” – so we’ll be having open and honest discussions around maternal mental health, and launching new resources to support families.
On Thursday 8th May from 7.30pm, we're hosting an online creativity session that you're welcome to join. It will be a relaxed online session where you can share your creative work (art, poetry, or something else) related to postpartum psychosis, and chat about what it means to you.
On Friday 9th May, it’s the ‘Perinatal Positivity Pot’ day where we'll be focusing on stories of hope and recovery and, at 10am, we're excited to be going live on Instagram with Eve from the Perinatal Mental Health Partnership and Shaheda and Sally from the APP team.
Plus, on the same day at 12.30, we're thrilled that author and APP ambassador, Laura Dockrill, is going to be running another online creative writing session for our lived experience community. No experience is required - all you need is something to write with and on, and to book ahead!

Remember, to get involved and be kept up to date with further information:

Follow @ActionOnPP on social media (Facebook, Instagram, X, LinkedIn, TikTok, YouTube, Threads and BlueSky). Every like, comment and share helps spread awareness.
Share your story or your thoughts and tag us.
Book ahead for the Thursday evening creativity session and the Friday lunchtime writing session.
Join our free APP Network to connect with others and get regular updates, just visit our website and tap ‘Get involved’.
Sign up for our Miles for Mums and Babies challenge this May to help raise awareness and support families affected by postpartum psychosis.

1 May 2025

Nurse makes miles matter for maternal mental health

Laura Davies, a Mental Health Nurse at Betsi Cadwaladr’s Perinatal Mental Health Service, is running almost 70 miles from Ysbyty Gwynedd’s Maternity Unit to the site of the new specialist mental health Mother and Baby Unit at the Countess of Chester Hospital to raise money for APP and Awyr Las: The North Wales NHS Charity’s Perinatal Mental Health fund.

In Winter 2025 the all-new Seren Lodge Mother and Baby Unit will be opened at the Countess of Chester Hospital following a unique collaboration between Cheshire and Wirral Partnership NHS Foundation Trust, Mersey Care NHS Foundation Trust, Betsi Cadwaladr University Health Board, NHS England and NHS Wales.

For the past few months, Laura has been training hard for her incredible challenge whilst raising almost £1,400 for her chosen charities.

Talking about her challenge, Laura said: “We know that admission to a mental health unit can be a scary and stressful time for many of our families and we want to be able to offer additional support that goes over and above what the NHS can fund to anyone who may need it during this time.

“This is why during the first week of May, to coincide with Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week, I have decided to embark on this big challenge in order to raise funds for our service and Action on Postpartum Psychosis.”

Once open, Seren Lodge will become a specialist eight bedded mental health unit to support perinatal mothers, babies and their families from across North Wales, Cheshire and Merseyside.

The unit will provide a safe and therapeutic space for women to receive care and treatment and will enable mothers to remain with their babies whilst they recover, whilst also supporting partners and families during this time.

A spokesperson for Awyr Las: The North Wales NHS Charity said: “Laura is taking on an incredible challenge by running almost 70 miles from Ysbyty Gwynedd to the Countess of Chester Hospital to raise funds for Perinatal Mental Health at Betsi Cadwaladr, and also to raise awareness for maternal mental health as we enter Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week. The money Laura raises will go towards funding over and above support for women and their families during challenging times. Good luck, Laura!”

As the UK’s national charity dedicated to supporting women and families affected by postpartum psychosis – for which admission to a Mother and Baby Unit, like Seren Lodge, is paramount - APP is delighted to be included in this impressive fundraising challenge.

Felicity Lambert, National Fundraising Coordinator, APP, said: “We’re wishing Laura the best of luck for her incredible ultra marathon this weekend. We’re all in awe of her taking on this massive challenge to raise funds and awareness of APP and for Seren Lodge Mother and Baby Unit. The funds she raises for APP will help us support even more women and families affected by postpartum psychosis – a severe but highly treatable maternal mental illness. Thank you, Laura!”

To support Laura’s fundraising challenge, you can donate to both Awyr Las: The North Wales NHS Charity and APP here: Team fundraising for Awyr Las and APP is fundraising for APP

29 April 2025

Iqra's story - I kept pushing myself like I had a superpower

When a mental health professional told me that I was really poorly - but that I could be treated - I stopped running away from it. I finally knew that there was something wrong with me, that it wasn’t my fault and, with the right help I could get better. It was the most reassuring thing anyone had said to me since I gave birth to my twins.

It was 2023 when I became unwell with postpartum psychosis (PP). I didn’t actually realise I was unwell at the time, but now I can reflect on it, I can pinpoint when it all started. And I believe I started to become unwell almost straight after giving birth.

I already had three children when I was pregnant with twins. My husband and I were both really excited. We’d recently moved house and had it renovated, and I was due a c-section, so everything felt a bit more planned. But we certainly didn’t plan for me becoming so unwell. In fact, neither me nor my husband had ever heard of PP before it affected us.

After giving birth, I didn’t really feel a connection to my new babies. My husband was obviously busy trying to look after our other three children, one of who has special needs, and I just felt a bit overwhelmed. I was struggling to feed the twins and I was really low on iron, which meant I found it hard to stay awake and I kept losing consciousness.

I just couldn’t admit that I needed help and I needed to slow down.

After having a blood transfusion I was able to go home to be with my family. I was excited to be back at home but I found it really difficult. I’d be up in the night with my newborns, and my husband would be up in the night with our son who is autistic. The workload of running a home and looking after five children just became too much – but every day I kept telling myself that I was fine – I could handle it. I just couldn’t admit that I needed help and I needed to slow down.

As exhaustion started to get the better of me, I started to believe some strange and supernatural ideas. The house we live in is my husband’s late grandad’s, and I started to believe that his spirit was around me and that I could hear his voice. I didn’t feel scared at first – in fact I felt quite positive about the experience. But as time went on, I started becoming agitated as well, snapping at everyone and yet I still refused to admit that I was struggling and needed help.

I set myself really high standards, trying to breastfeed both my twins and trying not to give them dummies which was really tough. Then, when they were eight weeks old, I broke down, feeling defeated. I gave them dummies and felt really disappointed in myself.

I was losing control of my own mind.

From that point on I wasn’t sleeping at night, even when the twins were asleep and I had that time and space to myself. I remember that I would look at their faces and feel scared. My mind was playing tricks on me and, when I looked at them, their faces looked disfigured. I was losing control of my own mind.

I definitely still had some kind of grasp on reality, however, because I knew that if I said out loud what I believed and what I was thinking people would assume I was crazy. So I kept everything to myself.

My delusions and hallucinations started becoming more intense at this point. I created some kind of male figure in my mind who was telling me that I wasn’t attractive and that my hands and my hair were awful. I became obsessed with these thoughts, spending all night brushing my hair and washing my hands over and over. Then the delusion started to spiral out of control, telling me to take my own life, and that my family would be better off without me.

As a Muslim woman in the Asian community, I’d heard people talking about black magic and I started wondering if somebody had performed black magic on me. I had no understanding of maternal mental health problems, and I’d certainly never heard of PP. I was so burnt out and exhausted by this point that I did eventually take an overdose to try to end it all.

My husband found me after I fainted and called an ambulance. The paramedics took me to hospital, but I was so out of it I kept trying to run away, to run back home. Eventually, someone from the mental health team came to speak to me and that was the big turning point for me.

That’s when they told me I was unwell, that I needed help, and that I could get better. Because I had tried to take my own life, I was admitted to an MBU (Mother and Baby Unit) but at this point nobody knew about my hallucinations and delusions as I kept it all to myself – so nobody knew I had PP.

After admitting to the hallucinations and delusions and getting the antipsychotic medication the psychosis started to recede really quickly.

As soon as I was admitted I was given sleeping pills and they worked wonders. However, they certainly didn’t cure me and it wasn’t until I finally admitted to the staff about my psychotic symptoms that I was given the right medication to get me on the road to recovery.

Still, it took a while to get fully better. I took so many medications, at one point I was taking 14 pills every day! My anxiety was sky high and I felt really overwhelmed and panicky and was unable to control the amount of oxygen I needed so I kept passing out.

But after admitting to the hallucinations and delusions and getting the antipsychotic medication the psychosis started to recede really quickly.

You hold back because you think your children will be taken away or you’ll be locked up forever, but for me, being honest was the turning point. Letting the health professionals in on what was really going on was the only way to get me well.

Now I’m recovered I want to share my story because I know how reassuring it is to meet others who have been through what you have. Motherhood is really hard anyway, but adding maternal mental illness into the mix makes things incredibly difficult. One thing I have learnt, however, is that your mind is really important and, if it needs rest, you need to let it rest. Plus, if you are becoming mentally unwell, the only real way out is by being honest about it and asking for help.

Before I was able to open up, I didn’t really socialise in the MBU, where I would stay for three months in total. But when I started speaking to the other mums in there and realising I wasn’t alone and I certainly wasn’t crazy, I started to feel so much better – speaking to others definitely helped me in my recovery. Now, I hope I can play a part in helping other women and families too.

27 April 2025

Run for APP in the 2026 London Marathon!

We're delighted to announce that APP has secured 12 places in the 2026 TCS London Marathon.

The TCS London Marathon is the world's most popular marathon, and the single biggest fundraising event on the planet. Taking place next year on 26th April, we're so excited APP is able to give you the chance to be part of it.

In the public ballot, more than 800,000 people apply each year for just 50,000 available places. We get many requests to run for APP, so we know interest will be high. Because of this, we're implementing an application procedure to ensure our limited places are allocated fairly, and that we have a team made up of people who are passionate about APP.

If you're interested, you can access the application form here.

Applications are open until 25th May and we'll let you know by 13th June if you have been successful.

There is a £100 registration fee to pay to secure your place, then we're asking our London Marathon runners to raise a minimum of £2,000 each. As with all our events, our team will be here to support you with your training and fundraising.

All APP runners will receive an APP running top, a marathon training guide produced by fitness experts Make Bold Choices, fundraising inspiration and supplies, and of course the all important APP medal and finishers goody bag! We'll also be there on the big day to cheer you on and celebrate with you at the finish line.

Whether you're a seasoned marathon runner, or you want a truly memorable experience for your first ever major event - if the London Marathon has always been on your wish list, now's your chance to give it a go.

We have places secured in the London Marathon each year until 2029, so even if you aren’t successful this time, or if maybe you need a bit longer to prepare - there will be a chance to apply for an APP place again the following year.

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