Tag Archives: postpartum psychosis

14 May 2024

Double your donation with Kind2Mind

Double the donation, double the impact

Action on Postpartum Psychosis are delighted to have been chosen to be part of another Big Give match funding campaign. Our Big Give Kind2Mind campaign starts today, Tuesday 14th May, as part of national Mental Health Awareness Week.

This means that from noon on 14th May to noon on 28th May, every donation we receive via our campaign page on The Big Give website (www.bit.ly/APPBigGive2024) will be doubled, thanks to match funding from The Big Give.

So, if you’d like to donate to APP over the next fortnight, we would be so grateful – and your donation would have DOUBLE the impact – you donate £5, APP will receive £10; you donate £25, APP receives £50 and so on.

Our target for the month is to reach £2,500 in donations – which would mean a total of £5,000 raised.

Our target of £5,000 could help us significantly increase our offer of help and support for families affected by postpartum psychosis (PP) - a treatable medical emergency that affects around 1400 women in the UK each year.

When a mum is diagnosed with PP, the impact of the illness on her loved ones can be significant, and we want to be there for them. We provide one-to-one support and dedicated café groups for dads, co-parents and grandparents and vital information when they need it most.

Will you donate today and get your donation doubled?

We're so grateful for your support – every single donation we receive really does make a big difference to the work we do.

If you aren’t able to donate at the moment, we totally understand – but please do share our campaign with others if you can.

That link again is www.bit.ly/APPBigGive2024 - only donations through that page will be doubled. You'll also find shareable posts on our social media feeds over the next couple of weeks.

Now could also be a great time to think about holding a Big Bake event! Find out more here...

3 May 2024

Everyone is Here to Help – A healing account of postpartum psychosis and recovery

When her son was only two weeks old, Ruth was sectioned and admitted to a Mother and Baby Unit where she was treated for postpartum psychosis.

While there, she took copious notes, photographs and had lengthy correspondences by text with her family. Ruth’s detailed notes and messages allow for a unique insight into the experience of this complex and often frightening condition.

Published on 30th April, to mark Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week, Ruth has written a memoir which uses these materials to reconstruct her experience alongside insights and reflections from a well perspective.

An extract

One morning in December 2020, just after my son turned one, my mind busied with thoughts and memories: they flooded me. I took a green pack of post-its and started jotting down thoughts and memories, and didn’t stop until a couple of hours later. What I was writing were reflections from after our beautiful baby boy was born. Two weeks into motherhood, I became seriously ill with postpartum psychosis and was admitted to a Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) two hours away from where we lived. There, I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act and remained for five weeks and five days.

In a very short space of time I went from the strength and excitement of being a new mum, to the miserable fall of mental instability and unreality. It was terrifying. I felt it unfair and unlucky to have suffered in this way, but blessed that there was a bed available for me so I was not separated from our gorgeous baby boy.

I have referred to the unit fondly and simply as ‘MBU' throughout this book, as that’s the name we used at the time and since. This book was written predominantly for myself. I felt, if I wrote everything down, I could move on more easily and would help the last stages of healing: that it could give me some closure and quieten my mind again. I used my diary, the notes in my phone, photographs, phone messages and hospital paperwork to help me piece together a coherent picture of what I had gone through.

Even with these to help me, I have found that the great swings in emotion throughout each day, and the new light that hindsight and health have cast on those experiences, has made it hard to keep the story as clean and clear as I might wish it could be. I also strongly believe that I owe it to my ‘ill self' to give her a voice, as even though she was ill, wrong, delusional – she still existed. And so although I have written it mostly retrospectively, from a place of relative health, I have kept the first person notes made at the time, to ensure that her voice is heard and that every version of the events that transpired there is represented. These ramblings are often muddled, confused and nonsensical, and I should warn those of you who are reading this that it is not always a happy place to be.

I have also chosen to include messages between me and my family, because they were such a crucial element of my experience and recovery, and to whom I am always thankful, ever thankful. These are conversations between myself and my parents, my husband, and my sister – people with whom I was in constant daily contact. Again, they express the raw emotions we experienced, and the help I received during my time there. Writing this book has been highly emotional – embarrassing at times. I also know that witnessing me become so unwell cannot have been easy for any of my family or friends. It pains me to think of my husband waving goodbye to his wife and baby boy - barely three weeks old. The cruelty of false reality: I am not sure who it is more upsetting or frustrating for.

I'd be lying if I said what happened to me was completely behind me, that I feel nothing but positivity from the experience, as that isn't the case. Recovery isn't linear. I still have days where I cry at the drop of a hat, feel that life was unfair, I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I hadn’t been admitted. At times I still feel that I missed out terribly on Eddie's first few weeks and I just get days where I feel cross and angry and upset, and maybe I can't even put my wild emotions into words.

I could not, however, have made the swift recovery I did without the dedication of the staff at MBU, their Outreach Team, the Perinatal Mental Health Team and also the unlimited love, support and encouragement from my incredible family and friends. Thank you all for being so strong for me throughout this strange and truly challenging experience. I wish you all peace and hope in your minds, health in your bodies and love in your hearts.

I also wrote this book with the hope that women who have experienced postpartum psychosis, or have had negative experiences with mental illness, may learn something from what I have been through - that some may find focus and strength in my story - and that perhaps healthcare professionals and carers alike might gain insight into this serious illness by reading my story.

Ruth's book about her experience of postpartum psychosis is available to buy now from Foyles, Waterstones and Amazon, with 2% from the sale of each copy going to APP.

24 April 2024

APP’s Review of "The Cord” now playing at the Bush Theatre in London

Bijan Sheibani’s new play, The Cord, explores the intergenerational impact of postpartum psychosis - of becoming a father with knowledge of your own mother’s PP many years before.

Bijan - an award-winning director (Netflix’s One Day, The Arrival, Morning Song) - worked with APP to research the experiences of women who had become grandparents after PP, and of adult children whose mums had experienced PP.

APP’s Chief Executive, Dr Jess Heron, reviews "The Cord”:

'Most couples, struggling with a new baby, experience sleeplessness, anxiety and burnout, but it is the unsaid in this play which enthrals.

Bijan captures the realities of new fatherhood, motherhood and grandparenthood with beautifully crafted dialogue. Through the comfortable and funny domestic realism, we gradually become aware of an unresolved, unspoken, hinterland - which a new baby has the power to detonate in the present. We witness the newborn’s ability to at once give joy and pleasure, rake up pain; and fracture present relationships: loving son with his mother; husband with his wife; father with his newborn; and son in law with his in-laws. All are affected by the power of this past ‘illness' yet this is only obliquely referred to and remains largely hidden throughout the play.

The postnatal narrative is somewhat turned on its head. We expect the young mother, Anya, to be the one struggling, not her partner, Ash. The slow-burn range of emotions he suffers, as he lives the marginalisation of fatherhood, is set within the context of two typically supportive, doting families, both seemingly operating with the very best of intentions. This normality, with an underbelly hiding something more, makes for an edgy juxtaposition - and has us wanting to scream: “Communicate: things are unravelling!”

Instead, throughout the play, we get weighty pauses and brief superficial responses between all three characters until, like a pressure cooker, the lid comes off. The exchanges between Anya and Ash are so realistic, yet, particularly in Ash's dreams, we realise that something else, something heavier is at play. Ash struggles to find an outlet for his own emotions and mental health experiences in the spaces between the needs of the other characters.

The climax sees Ash finally break down and hit out at his mother about not talking to him about what has been hinted at throughout: the losses, guilt and shame of her postpartum psychosis, and resulting physical disability, some 30 years before. Despite her deep and abiding love for her son and her delight at the arrival of a new grandson, this unspoken experience of mental illness has the power to impact the family many years later. Similarly, the new baby has awakened the memories of postnatal mental illness for Ash's mother who wonders whether she will be accepted as as safe as the normal in-laws.

Who should watch this play:

We wouldn’t recommend this as a watch for anyone newly recovering from PP; those feeling vulnerable, struggling with parenting - or perhaps indeed anyone who has experienced PP and is not yet a grandparent. Postpartum psychosis is not specifically mentioned, just alluded to. It is set at a time when there was much more stigma and secrecy around PP. We feel the play might increase anxiety for people who have had PP about how our adult children will perceive us, or how they may struggle with mental health themselves. It is a story about the journey to fatherhood of one family and the stresses involved when two families become one. While PP is relevant to the family backstory - it’s not a play about PP and not intended to represent the PP experience.

It is a beautifully written, beautifully choreographed, beautifully scored production and will be of interest to anyone with an interest in parenthood, relationships, and the mental health of fathers in particular. It may be of interest to grandparents who had PP many years ago. Similarly, it will be thought-provoking for the adult children of people who have had PP and may reflect - or be in stark contrast - to their own experiences of becoming a parent.'

The Cord is showing at The Bush theatre, Shepherds Bush, London until 25th May 2024. Find out more here.

5 April 2024

Jenny’s story: Postpartum psychosis left me with PTSD – earlier diagnosis might have stopped this from happening

PTSD is so often associated with external traumas – people experiencing a serious incident such as a car crash or serving in a war zone, for example. But while PTSD is a mental health problem in its own right, I discovered that it can actually be brought on by other mental health problems – in my case postpartum psychosis.

In April 2020, I gave birth to my first baby. Within days, I was presenting with signs of postpartum psychosis (PP) – a serious postnatal mental illness that affects around 1,400 women every year in the UK.

Neither myself or my wife had ever heard of PP, so we had no idea what was happening or indeed what to expect – but it was an incredibly distressing period.

When I gave birth, we were in national lockdown. This meant that I was alone most of the time as I wasn’t able to have any visitors. I remember that I wasn’t eating properly, and it got to the point that I simply couldn’t stomach any food or drink – even a little sip of water would be spat straight back out. I was becoming really anxious and frightened as well and I wasn’t sure why, but I was constantly pacing the room alone.

After a while I started watching films on my phone as a distraction, but the sounds from the films became really overwhelming and disturbing, so I stopped watching almost completely. I was also struggling with my memory and wasn’t able to recall simple instructions the midwife was giving me, and my moods became erratic too. I would be really low in the early part of the day, but by around 4pm each day I became really wired, like I was buzzing on a high level of adrenaline.

I started believing strange things, for example that the painkillers I was taking were building up in my throat, and I got songs stuck in my head, tormenting me as I tried to sleep. But sleep simply wasn’t happening, so I would just sit awake all night staring at my baby daughter. One night, I felt so overwhelmed that I asked the nurse to take my baby away for a while. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over the guilt that I felt about that, and it formed a big part of my illness because I was so ashamed by it.

When I went home from hospital, friends started worrying because my text messages were a bit strange, and I refused to let anybody else, including my wife, hold my daughter. I started experiencing suicidal thoughts, stopped speaking to people and refused to leave the house. There was lots of pacing and I had really bad pins and needles and I felt very confused.

After many sleepless nights, extreme distress and being unable to properly eat or drink I was diagnosed with PP. I was so terrified of going back into hospital though, especially as it was during lockdown, so I was treated at home by the community team.

Eventually, the medication I was given started to work and the PP symptoms began to subside. However, even after all the psychotic symptoms disappeared, I realised that there were certain triggers and times of the year that made me feel really anxious and unwell again.

April is a particularly difficult time for me.

So many simple, everyday sights and sounds take me back to the feelings I experienced when I was unwell in 2020. From the Spring sunlight streaming in through the window to the birds singing in the morning and even the bin men coming to collect the bins - all these things trigger memories of postpartum psychosis and the distress and shame I was feeling at the time.

Over a year after experiencing PP, I realised that what I was now going through was PTSD connected to those traumatic memories of being so unwell and anxious. I found a trauma therapist who specialised in birth trauma, and we spent some time looking at anxiety and how to deal with triggers – as well as the worries about future triggers which form a big part of my PTSD. We also did some relaxation exercises and some counselling linked to the guilt I was feeling about being so unwell and asking the midwife to take my baby away from me overnight. I also tried some EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing which helps you process traumatic memories). Combined, all these treatments, as well as moving house which was incidental, helped me to put some distance between me and my experience of PP.

Since having these treatments, Springtime last year was much better – I wasn’t completely trauma and anxiety free, but I was definitely in a better place.

I am still a bit anxious about this year’s change of season being just around the corner, but I am hoping it will be better still and am prepared to do more work with my therapist if I need to.

I still have feelings of guilt and regret relating to my experience of PP, but I have accepted that it wasn’t my fault and it doesn’t make me a bad mum. And our family, which has since grown adding two more children to the mix, is so close and bonded.

I don’t think many people realise that experiencing a mental health problem can actually trigger PTSD longer term. The symptoms of psychosis might have gone long ago, but I do have to keep working at the residual trauma of it all and learning how best to manage the triggers. It’s definitely getting better, but I think it’s something we should talk about more, and I also think that, if there was more awareness of PP amongst the general public and health professionals, I could have been diagnosed earlier, which may have decreased the intensity of the trauma I experienced.

One thing I have learnt throughout all this is that it’s so important not to minimise what you’re going through. The sooner you can get help and support the less traumatic the experience will be.

18 March 2024

Action on Postpartum Psychosis nationwide awareness campaign continues

In a groundbreaking move to raise awareness about postpartum psychosis, the charity Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) has launched a powerful billboard campaign across the United Kingdom to run throughout March. The impactful initiative has been made possible through the support of the JCDecaux Community Channel and the creative design expertise of agency Mother.

Postpartum psychosis is a treatable medical emergency that affects new mothers, occurring within the first few weeks or months after childbirth. Raising awareness about this illness is crucial to ensure timely intervention and support for the mums and families affected.

The new billboard campaign aims to raise awareness about the condition and signpost to the resources and support APP offers. In addition, there will be a week of billboards promoting an appeal on behalf of the charity by author and APP ambassador Laura Dockrill which will be broadcast on BBC Radio 4 on 24th March.

The visually striking designs have been crafted with the pro-bono help of Mother, a renowned creative agency, and developed with leading academic experts as well as those with lived experience of postpartum psychosis. They seek to capture attention and prompt conversation on a scale that hasn’t been achieved before.

Working in partnership with the JCDecaux Community Channel, the campaign is running across digital billboards in major cities across the UK, amplifying the reach of APP's message. More than one million people a week are expected to see the billboards, which will be in high traffic areas.

Chris Dooley, Head of Social Impact at JCDecaux UK, said: “We are proud to be working in partnership with APP to raise awareness around postpartum psychosis and the support the charity offers to all those affected. The JCDecaux Community Channel creates real value through the power of the public screen and aims to amplify Out-of-Home’s role as a force for good in the community.”

The campaign kicked off on Monday 4th March, coinciding with International Women’s Day (8th) and Mother’s Day (10th). APP’s appeal with author and APP ambassador Laura Dockrill will be on BBC Radio 4 on 24th March.

Action on Postpartum Psychosis would like to thank the JCDecaux Community Channel and Mother for their invaluable support.

As we embark on this impactful campaign, APP is encouraging people to join the conversation on social media. If you see one of the billboards (and it’s safe to do so) please take a picture or video and share, tagging @ActionOnPP.

You can find out more about help and support with postpartum psychosis here.

To donate to APP’s Radio 4 appeal during appeal week starting 24th March, visit the Radio 4 Appeal webpage.

There are lots of ways to support us and get involved with APP. We'd love you to join us. Sign up to our network here.

14 March 2024

BBC Radio 4 Appeal

BBC Radio 4 will broadcast an appeal on behalf of Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) later this month.

APP Ambassador and author, Laura Dockrill, will present the broadcast, sharing her experience of postpartum psychosis (PP) following the birth of her son. Laura describes how she spent her first Mother’s Day in a psychiatric hospital separated from her three-week old baby and how APP’s peer support helped her find connection, recovery and community.

BBC Radio 4 appeals are weekly three-minute programmes which highlight the work of charities and appeal for donations on their behalf. Only 49 charities from across the UK are selected to make an appeal each year and APP is delighted to be part of the 2024 programme.

APP’s appeal will be broadcast live on Sunday 24^th March at 7.54 am and at 9.25pm. It will then be repeated on Thursday 28^th March at 3.27pm.

Dr Jess Heron, APP Chief Executive, says: “The BBC Radio 4 charity appeal is an incredible opportunity for us to raise the profile of APP on a national scale, as well as really help to raise awareness of postpartum psychosis. We want to reach as many people as possible – and we’d love our supporters to spread the word and encourage family, friends and colleagues to listen.”

To find out more, visit the Radio 4 Appeal webpage. Please note, you can only donate to this appeal via the BBC web page from 24th-30th March.

The first £25,000 received in donations will be matched by a generous APP supporter, meaning donations will go twice as far.

29 February 2024

Action on Postpartum Psychosis launches nationwide awareness campaign with billboards across the UK

In a groundbreaking move to raise awareness about postpartum psychosis, the charity Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) is launching a powerful billboard campaign across the United Kingdom throughout March. The impactful initiative has been made possible through the support of the JCDecaux Community Channel and the creative design expertise of agency Mother.

The campaign kicks off on Monday 4th March, coinciding with International Women’s Day (8th) and Mother’s Day (10th). APP’s appeal with author and APP ambassador Laura Dockrill will be on BBC Radio 4 on 24th March.

Action on Postpartum Psychosis would like to thank the JCDecaux Community Channel and Mother for their invaluable support.

You can find out more about help and support with postpartum psychosis here.

To donate to APP’s Radio 4 appeal during appeal week, starting 24th March, visit the Radio 4 Appeal webpage or search online for BBC Radio 4 Appeal.

There are lots of ways to support us and get involved with APP. We'd love you to join us. Sign up to our network here.

27 February 2024

Laura's story: I woke up in hospital on my first Mother’s Day

It was 2018. Hugo and I had an extremely happy, healthy, normal pregnancy. There was no reason anything should go wrong, no warning signs. But when it came to the birth itself, I ended up having a really traumatic labour and a C-section, and we were told our gorgeous little boy, Jet, had been starving in the womb.

Once he arrived safely, Jet needed to feed all the time to get his weight back up. I was already sleep deprived and was scared and in shock from the labour, so I started feeling all these feelings – anxiety, fear and restlessness. I had no idea how you were supposed to feel after giving birth, and I’d never experienced any mental health problems prior to this, so I thought it must be normal.

Jet and I were kept on a ward because he was underweight and I had been through such a traumatic birth. But being in such a distressed state, to me it felt like a carousel of hell. One baby would wake up, one mum would be crying, one dad would be crying. It all felt too much, I was completely unable to sleep and I was feeding Jet non-stop around the clock.

Then my feelings of dread and doom massively intensified.

I felt like something really, really bad was going to happen but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I kept thinking that when we get home with Hugo we’ll all be OK and things will calm down. But that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

When we arrived back home it felt as though I was in some kind of vacant holiday home. It didn’t feel like the home I loved. Within days – possibly even hours – I was experiencing racing thoughts, delusions, I couldn’t eat, sleep or concentrate on anything. I was very unwell but looking back I do feel I was explaining my symptoms quite coherently to the health professionals. However, I wasn’t given any diagnosis and we were more or less left to get on with it.

The delusions started becoming obvious to others soon after, particularly to Hugo. I started thinking that every ambulance or police car was coming for me, that teddy bears had cameras in their eyes and that Hugo was trying to steal our baby. Eventually, I became suicidal.

I was admitted to a psych ward when Jet was just three weeks old.

At that point I was so out of touch with reality I wasn’t sure if I was going to a police station, a zoo or an asylum to be locked up. The idea of a psych ward feels like a frightening place anyway but now I know that psychiatric patients are just like anyone else – just like you and me. In fact, more than anything, being admitted to the psych ward actually filled me with relief – I felt that I’d finally found the right type of help that was needed.

Waking up the next morning alone in this room with no baby, no Hugo and these starchy white sheets, I realised that it was the first time I’d slept in three weeks. I remember the nurses saying ‘it’s Sunday today so just chill’ but my brain was racing in some kind of frantic hell. It was, in fact, my first Mother’s Day.

I started therapy from the Monday alongside people in addiction, or diagnosed with a personality disorder or schizophrenia, and it took me a while to work out why I was there. But I’m pleased I’m a bit of a goodie two-shoes because I did everything the doctors told me – attending the sessions, taking the meds. But recovery was really up and down, and for a while I was still occasionally thinking that Hugo was part of a conspiracy.

After two weeks in hospital I fell into a deep depression - which in some ways felt worse. Depression has this awful effect of making you feel like you’re in debt to everyone for everything. I felt guilty because I’d taken time out from motherhood – but it wasn’t like I was snorkelling in the Maldives!

I was on anti psychotics, antidepressants, sleeping pills – I felt like a zombie mum, so I certainly couldn’t just get back to parenting no problem. Hugo and I really relied on our bond and our trust. My conspiracies were off the wall, but Hugo really knew me and helped me, giving me time and patience.

I was also really worried that my bond with Jet was compromised. But when he bumped his head and he wanted me I kind of thought ah - he does forgive me, he does love me and trust me.

Taking action to recover

There’s a large part of recovery you have to do yourself – you have to take whatever steps you feel able to. I taught myself CBT, read every book that everyone had written on motherhood and mental illness, I spent time with my beautiful friends and family, and met other mums who had been through what I had at APP café groups.

The beautiful thing about losing the plot is that you just don’t care anymore it’s so liberating! Things don’t bother me as much as they used to. Rejections happen all the time in my work as a writer and I more easily take them in my stride these days. And if I trip over in the street I just don’t care - I’ve waved goodbye to shame and guilt – they are useless emotions that we really don’t need. And to think that Hugo and Jet would ever hold me accountable for this illness that wasn’t my fault was just ridiculous.

Writing my memoir has also really helped me.

I think Hugo and my family were worried it might be too triggering for me but it really does come down to acceptance – I wasn’t trying to rail against it or be angry at it. Writing about it is like trying to bottle a night terror. It’s so meta - you’re trying to tell a story within a story. When your brain cracks like that, you believe anything. If you told me at the time that I was a crisp I would have believed you – I might have thought, oh this is because I didn’t look after my hamster when I was ten and he’s getting his own back. Throw into that the irregularities of a newborn, the spontaneity, the unpredictability, the expectations – it’s a complete recipe for madness.

But we made it out alive! And writing played an important part in helping me to process what we had been through. It was like the final part of my recovery.

Laura’s book, What Have I Done? is published by Square Peg and available from all good bookstores. To find out more click here.

Laura also presents a BBC Radio 4 Appeal for APP, broadcasting on 24th March 2024.

5 February 2024

Name revealed for new Mother and Baby Unit

The name of a new regional Mother and Baby mental health unit has been revealed.

Preparatory building work officially started in November on the £7.5m single storey building, which is the first of its kind across Cheshire, Merseyside, and North Wales.

The name ‘Seren Lodge’ has been chosen by Mums who have experienced maternal mental ill-health and features a nod to the new cross-border partnership with NHS Wales.

Nia Foulkes, APP storyteller, said: “It was important to the group to choose a name which signified hope and positivity, but also something which was welcoming to families no matter where they live. The name ‘Seren’ translates as ‘star’ in Welsh and ‘lodge’ felt homely and not clinical at all, which we thought was perfect.

Sarah Dearden, APP storyteller, added: “Having previously been admitted to a unit which was really far away from home, it is particularly exciting to see the new site as it today and know that our ideas and designs are being put into action. Units like this make a huge impact by keeping babies and their mothers together at a crucial time.”

The unit is a result of a partnership between Cheshire and Wirral Partnership NHS Foundation Trust (CWP), Betsi Cadwaladr University Health Board (BCHUB), Mersey Care NHS Foundation Trust, NHS England and NHS Wales and will see a disused training centre transformed into a new specialist, eight bedded unit for perinatal mothers, babies and their families. Once open the unit will work alongside the existing regional Community Perinatal Mental Health service who already care for thousands of women every year.

The occasion was marked with a special ground-breaking ceremony. Mums from across the region joined members of the clinical, construction and project teams to place the first official spade in the ground.

Preparatory work on the project is progressing well with both external and internal designs agreed, enabling building works underway and recruitment for the new centre set to begin imminently.

Suzanne Edwards, CWP director of operations and deputy CEO, said: “The new unit will support new and expectant mothers in a therapeutic environment which has been purposefully designed for people experiencing maternal mental health difficulties, such as post-natal depression, psychosis or a relapse of an existing mental health condition.

“It is estimated that one in four women experience mental health problems in pregnancy and during the 24 months after giving birth. Whilst only a small number of women will need admission to a specialist unit like Seren Lodge, I’m delighted that we’ll be able to offer this care closer to home, in addition to the thousands of families we see in the community every year.”

A group of people in hi vis jackets and hard hats, holding a spade. The photo includes APP storytellers Sarah (front row, second left) and Nia (front row 3rd right), along with APP’s national co-ordinator Hannah Bissett (front row 2nd right) join the team to celebrate the groundbreaking — APP storytellers Sarah (front row, second left) and Nia (front row 3rd right), along with APP’s national co-ordinator Hannah Bissett (front row 2nd right) join the team to celebrate the groundbreaking

Dr Alberto Salmoiraghi, medical director for Betsi Cadwaladr University Health Board’s Mental Health and Learning Disabilities Division, said: “We’re delighted that Seren Lodge will enable high quality specialist care to be provided to new and expectant mothers from across North Wales, Cheshire, Wirral, and Merseyside in a purpose built, recovery focused environment.

“Women from North Wales who have a lived experience of perinatal mental illness have played a central role in designing this new service and we’re very pleased to see that this is reflected in the name of the unit. We look forward to continuing to work with our partners in Cheshire and Wirral Partnership NHS Foundation Trust to deliver this much-needed unit.”

Once open, Seren Lodge will provide a home from home for women and their babies and include a nursery, sensory room, and multiple lounges to support quiet time and family visits. Having access to outside spaces is central to the development with two garden areas and a walking pram loop, with families benefitting from close access to the Countess Country Park.

Dr Jessica Heron, APP’s chief executive, added:
“We are so delighted to see the progress being made. The new unit will mean new mothers across North Wales, Cheshire and Merseyside with severe postnatal illness will be cared for appropriately and supported with parenting, without having to travel miles from their families to other areas of the UK or ending up in adult psychiatric wards separated from their newborn. APP has been working with the team to ensure the voices of lived experience are heard throughout the development process, inputting into the design and functionality of the MBU. APP volunteers are keen to ensure the unit meets the needs of families from across North Wales and Cheshire and Merseyside.”

Seren Lodge is set to open next winter.

30 October 2023

Natalie’s story: If I had known what postpartum psychosis was, I might have asked for help.

I knew there was a possibility that I might get postnatal depression after giving birth and that really scared me. But nobody ever told me about the possibility of developing postpartum psychosis (PP).

In 2013 I gave birth to my beautiful daughter Maya. Everything felt amazing - almost magical. It felt like a miracle giving birth to this precious baby and I just couldn’t believe I was now a mum.

But things began to unravel really quickly, and I became very unwell.

Looking back, the first sign of PP for me was extreme happiness. Yes, you may think that is completely normal, but I was actually hysterically laughing at times while watching my baby. My mood felt high, as though I was drunk with excitement and my whole body felt like it had been pumped with adrenaline.

My mind and thoughts began to race constantly. I was speaking to anyone who would listen but I wasn’t making sense. It was like my mind was too tired to think but the words continued to jumble out of my mouth.

I began to feel stressed about the aftercare I received in hospital after my baby was born. The experience would play over and over in my mind so I told a midwife who suggested I write everything down.

Each day passed and new topics would pop into my head. I felt like my brain was going to explode and I began writing down all of my thoughts, feelings and ideas into a long essay. At one point I believed I had found the answer to why so many mums were getting postnatal depression, feeling suicidal and having their babies taken away.

However, deep down I knew that something wasn’t quite right. So when a midwife came to visit me at home, I mentioned that I felt like I was hallucinating. I also told her that I hadn’t slept in days and had too much energy. To me she seemed dismissive – or maybe she hadn’t heard me. I’m not sure but nothing much was said about it.

Because the midwife had a bad cough when she visited, I became anxious that she had passed an infection on to my baby. Worse still, I started to believe that this midwife would go back to the GP practice and infect all the pregnant women and newborn babies there. I believed it was my mission to stop this from happening by putting in a complaint and trying to close down the labour ward to stop the infection from spreading.

My mind had become delusional.

Around this time, a midwife mentioned to me that they would be improving their labour support and that any suggestions from new mums would be great to feed into their next meeting.

My brain misinterpreted this information completely. I believed that The Labour Government wanted new mums to come to a special meeting to discuss any changes we would like to see for women going through labour. I was excited about this high-profile opportunity which was very unlike me as I am usually quiet and certainly not someone who would enjoy public speaking! However, I decided I would present my findings on the essay I completed, believing them to be of great importance.

I then started to become extremely paranoid about the midwives at the hospital and believed that they were conspiring to stop me from speaking to the government. I was scared that they would falsely claim that I was mentally ill and shut me in a psychiatric hospital and take away my baby.

I was so anxious that this was going to happen that I packed my suitcase on several occasions, wanting to take myself and Maya to a secret location where we would not be found.

Then, while visiting my Nepalese mother-in-law, she noticed I was acting strangely and called a local witch doctor to perform a spiritual ritual to remove evil spirits from my body. It prompted me to suddenly start believing in the Christian Faith and I visited the church a few times - maybe as a way of getting help. But this was short lived and I did not return.

I also became concerned that the midwives were watching or filming me through the TV. So I picked the TV up and turned it around. I began to feel so scared to be left alone with my baby and begged my husband to take more paternity leave as his two weeks off were coming to an end.

I remember hallucinating when I was watching my daughter and I thought I could see her eyes change. While sleeping I could also see something black curled up at the side of my bed which I believed to be the shadow of another baby.

Road signs started to have deep personal meanings, and numbers started to pop into my head. I felt as though I was being given the winning lottery numbers so went out and bought a ticket. Of course I didn’t win!

Because of my paranoia about the midwives, I called up my work and asked a colleague for a character reference, thinking this would save me from being admitted to a psychiatric hospital. My colleague must have thought I was acting very strangely so they called the mental health team.

The perinatal mental health team got involved at that point and a doctor came to visit, diagnosing me as having experienced a hypomanic episode. I gave part truths of my symptoms as I thought if I was completely honest about what was happening they’d take me to a psychiatric hospital.

In the end, I didn’t go into hospital or receive any treatment. My illness lasted around three weeks but I was lucky – it could have been so much worse.

Four years later, I realised that I was actually suffering from postpartum psychosis – yet I refused to share that realisation with the midwife during my second pregnancy out of stigma and fear. However, I reluctantly admitted my hidden illness during my third pregnancy to protect my children should I experience PP again.

There continues to be huge stigma surrounding mental illness and it’s so difficult for mothers and family members to come forward and ask for help. After my experience of PP I have never felt the same and went on to battle postnatal depression and anxiety after having my second and third child. This battle continues to this day, but I have recently found comfort in the church to cope and heal.

It pains me to see so many stories of mothers dying by suicide - so much more awareness is needed to increase knowledge of this often hidden and misunderstood illness and the devastating outcomes that can happen when people don’t get help.

I hope that sharing my experience will play a part in this awareness. I refused help because I was scared. But I’ve learnt that it’s important to be honest with the health team if you are experiencing any symptoms which are out of character. They are there to help new mums – not the opposite. I know it is a very scary experience to go through but getting help is vital for yourself and your baby.

Stock photo of baby’s hand by Aditya Romansa on Unsplash

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