4 October 2021

Charity’s story: "I became obsessed by the idea that the doctors thought I couldn’t look after my babies".

In May 2021 I was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis following the birth of our triplet baby girls. I had been hospitalised directly after the planned c-section and kept in hospital with my babies for twelve days. I had very little sleep as the babies were feeding on average every two hours by feeding tube. This resulted in me suffering with exhaustion - a dangerous level of exhaustion in my opinion! Looking back, I think my psychosis started not long after giving birth, as my consultant explained postpartum psychosis can come on soon after the placenta is removed. In my case I had not one, but three impressively sized placentas!

To begin with I was acting unusually elated, adrenaline-fuelled yet detached from the whole experience of childbirth. For the first eight days I was using social media in order to update everyone about the triplets and was hardly ever off my phone, even when I had three babies to admire. After this time I became withdrawn and absconded from social media, I failed to reply to messages and even rejected my family and friends. I became petrified and anxious every time my wife left me alone in the hospital, and I was fixated on being alone all the time. On one occasion, I became extremely tearful when my daughter had her feeding tube reinstated and I was crying constantly and focusing on the miscarriage we had the previous year.

 

Things started to get much worse however, and I became obsessed by the idea that the doctors and midwives thought I couldn’t look after my babies properly. I’d convinced myself they thought I was ‘mental’ and that they’d take the babies away from us.

On Easter Monday we were finally allowed home and, unlike me, I didn’t tell a soul. Sadly, what was supposed to be a joyous occasion turned to disaster. We were suddenly without the support of the hospital with three 4 lb babies equipped with feeding tubes and with very little sucking reflex. I was petrified. I had extreme anxiety, constantly worrying about the babies dying, how to feed them, how to get them in to a routine, and I was still obsessed about being left alone. I’d ask the same questions over and over, I’d run around the house panicking and doing tasks that didn't need to be done like writing down every tiny detail such as ‘shake bottle with lid on’. I simply couldn’t undertake simple tasks without my disorganised scribblings in front of me.

I became a shell of the strong woman Sarah had married.

At this point I asked the doctors for anxiety medication, presuming what I had was some sort of postpartum anxiety. As I rapidly went downhill I asked Sarah’s mum (a former nurse) to move in with us, but then became obsessed that she’d leave me on my own and, perhaps even more worrying, I started believing that her dog would eat my babies!

I just couldn’t switch off. At night time I barely slept, the babies’ cooing and lullabies going around and around my head. I was panicking about the babies nonstop - wondering if they’d die in the night.

I had paranoid thoughts about my medication, thinking it was being hidden one minute, then believing I was being drugged the next. I was obsessing over magpies and robins in the garden too, and would look out the window in order to find two magpies - because if I saw one, I’d assume death was coming. I would freak out when the babies were being bathed, I’d accuse them of bathing them without me then switch to saying they’d not bathed them.

I’d stopped eating and barely showered. The one time I managed a bath I tried to scald myself just to ‘feel something’, and I became fixated on Nirvana lyrics and Kurt Cobain’s famous quote “it’s better to burn out than fade away”. I’d wear my Nirvana hoodie constantly as I believed it was symbolic. I started telling my family about previous depressive states when I was young, self-harm and an assault - secrets I'd kept all my life were pouring out of my mouth and I was unable to stop it. I just wanted the pain to stop and to be me again.

As time went on I had contact with the perinatal mental health team who came to see me urgently after my family informed them that I had said I wanted to go out and ‘play with the traffic’. When the nurses came to assess me they could see just how paranoid I was. I told the nurses that I needed to go somewhere safe, and it was decided that this would be a mental health hospital as I didn’t want to go to a mother and baby unit (MBU) and take the babies away from Sarah, the closest MBU being many miles away. Sadly, there was no space for me at Longreach or Bodmin Hospital at the time so it was decided I’d remain at home on sleeping tablets as home was my ‘safe place’.

As the days wore on I was convinced everyone was talking in code and that they had a conspiracy against me. I thought people were talking to me through the babies and through animals. Then, I ran away from home and hid in the woods for a while, returning in floods of tears and telling Sarah that I needed help before I hurt myself. I was suicidal.

Sarah was straight on the phone to the out of hours team and my sister came to our home to try to calm me down.

Within hours I was sent two doctors and two Approved Mental Health Professionals (AMHPs).

They assessed me and finally found me a bed at Longreach Mental Health Hospital so I was driven there by the AMHPs that night, in the early hours and voluntarily admitted.

Hospital was scary and my paranoia was through the roof. I was put on antipsychotics and slept on and off for three days straight whilst meeting numerous doctors. I was also anaemic and lacking in folate, which in itself can cause confusion.

I was seriously ill but no-one I knew had heard of my diagnosis Postpartum Psychosis – and I had Postnatal Depression chucked in on top of that too just to complicate things. There were also discussions around possible PTSD from our miscarriage and from some previous bad experiences.

I remained at Longreach for two weeks, my visits with my wife and triplets had to be supervised, and I was given four meals a day to help me put on weight as I’d lost so much. My psychosis continued and, in addition to the paranoia, I had hallucinations, too.

Now, 13 weeks after going home on a week’s leave, and with the right support and medication, I’ve really turned a corner.

Postpartum psychosis is now something I accept and I know now that it isn’t a life sentence – although it does put me at higher chance of getting it again in pregnancy (not that I need any more kids!) and of relapse in the future.

I remain on medication for my diagnoses and am currently being supported by the wonderful Perinatal Mental Health team, the Early Intervention for Psychosis team and I undergo Cognitive Behavioural Therapy once a week.

Although there are still bits missing from my story, I hope that my experiences will help other people and one day I will explain to our three miracles what had happened to me. I just want them to know that I was there in their early days - even though I wasn’t all there.

 

 

 

30 September 2021

Cyclist to travel 850 virtual miles raising awareness of support needed for partners during postpartum psychosis

APPs Partner Peer Support Coordinator, Simon O’Mara, is embarking on a mammoth 852 mile journey to raise awareness of postpartum psychosis, its impact on partners and the need for more Mother and Baby Units (MBUs) in the UK.

Simon came up with the idea of a virtual tour of the UK’s MBUs to highlight their importance in caring for women who develop postpartum psychosis and their families. He hopes to raise awareness among women, partners and families of where the UK’s MBUs are and, importantly, the need for units in areas of the UK currently without them.

Simon, whose wife was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis 15 years ago, said: “When my wife was diagnosed it was a frightening time – not least because we had no prior knowledge of postpartum psychosis. But in many ways I feel that we were incredibly lucky in that we were able to access care in an MBU less than a 40 minute drive away – in my work with APP, I realise that many other families aren’t so lucky.”

Postpartum psychosis is a debilitating postnatal mental illness that can occur out of the blue in the days following childbirth. New mums with postpartum psychosis may develop high or low mood, or fluctuate between them, alongside delusions, hallucinations or severe confusion. Many of these mothers have had no previous mental health diagnosis prior to onset – although women with bipolar disorder are at higher risk. It affects around 1,400 women and their families every year in the UK and is always considered a medical emergency. However, it is treatable and women go on to make a full recovery with the right support.

Simon added: “APP has been campaigning for more MBUs for many years now, and cycling the distances between these services felt like a really good way to show just how these gaps in provision can affect families.”

Simon had planned to follow the route on the road, however, due to the pandemic, he invested in a smart trainer so he could complete virtual cycle rides using his own bike and smart technology. He will now follow the route virtually using the smart trainer, linking in with the MBUs along the way for online chats with MBU staff about partner support, and talking to other partners who have been affected by PP.

Dr Jess Heron, Chief Executive, APP, said: “Families across the four UK nations are often faced with difficult decisions about receiving specialist MBU care many miles from home or being admitted to a general psychiatric ward. As women can expect hospital treatment to last 8 to 12 weeks, and full recovery to take many, many months, this distance can be an enormous pressure on new families. Families in Northern Ireland, North Wales and the North of Scotland do not yet have access to an MBU in their region.

“While we know that experiencing a severe mental illness at this time can be devastating for women, our research shows that partners also describe the experience as the most traumatic of their lives. Many men describe long-term impacts on their own mental health. NHS England has made a commitment as part of the Long Term Plan to inform, signpost and support partners. We hope other regions of the UK will follow suit. MBUs play a vital role in supporting partners and entire family units at this time and have expertise that general psychiatric units do not have.

“We have been working with partners for a long time at APP to support them with information and signposting about postpartum psychosis and getting help, but we are delighted that we now have a dedicated peer support team who can provide email, telephone, forum and video call support for dads and partners. We work closely with all UK MBUs to ensure that all who need it have access to peer support when postpartum psychosis impacts their family.

”We are so grateful for Simon’s commitment to raise awareness of the support needs of partners and we will be cheering him on from the ‘virtual’ sidelines!”

APP delivers award-winning peer support services working in partnership with NHS Trusts around the UK, manages an online national peer support forum and facilitates impactful research into postpartum psychosis.

To find out more about Simon’s story, and to sponsor his cycle ride, please visit his JustGiving Page. 

If you are a partner and use Swift, Simon would love some support and virtual chats as he completes his journey. You'll also be able to follow him on Strava.

You can see  daily updates below; 

Day 1: Simon completed 41 miles, which is the equivalent from West of Scotland MBU (Glasgow) to St. John’s, Livingtston.

Day 2: 45.2 miles ridden, total mileage over the weekend now at 85.2 miles. 

Day 3: Simon is working in the week, so cycling in the evening. 24 miles done this evening.

Day 4: Simon cycled 26 miles in the evening, is 96 miles into stage 2, with a total of 136 miles completed to date.

Day 5: 26.5 miles completed with a 1,098ft climb.

Day 6; Sees Simon finish stage 2, a total of 179 miles into the journey and Beadnell MBU.

Day 7: Simon has now completed a total of 209 miles, and has a virtual meet with Beadnell MBU in the morning.

Day 8: Simon had a great virtual meet with Beadnell MBU this morning, having reached Morpeth last night. They talked about the support they not only provide for the mums but also the partners and families. A small unit and noticeable the large mileage between MBUs around this area, some partners/families having long journeys to visit their wife and baby. That's stage 2 complete. Simon is now 179 miles into the journey and about to start stage 3 a 121 mile stretch.

Day 9: Simon cycled a short stint today, just to keep the legs turning -10 miles. Stage 3 and Simon has completed 85 miles; only 35 miles to go till the end of this stage.

Day 10: A 24 mile ride, sees Simon only 12 miles from the end of stage 3 and shortly getting to Parkside Lodge MBU. 

Day 11: Another short cycle of 12 miles, keeping an average speed of around 22mph and sees stage 3 complete. Meeting with Parkside Lodge MBU today.

Day 12: Another quick 16 miles sneaked in. Meeting with MBU at Ribblemere meet on Sunday. Received a message of support from the MBU Bristol

Day 13: 342 miles in to the journey, around 40% of the cycle done. Another 26 mile ride competed tonight and 1038ft climbed, leaves just 24 miles to the end of stage 4 and the meet up on Sunday afternoon.

Day 14: Stage 4 complete and an extra mile started on stage 5. Just about to go and have a small ride for today

Day 15: Another small 16 miles ridden, well into stage 5 and today should see Simon finish that stage. Simon met up with Karen and Andrew at Ribblemere MBU, it was really good to meet and hear the support they provide.

Day 16: Stage 5 complete and onto Stage 6. The next meeting is with Adele at Andersen ward, Wythenshawe MBU  on Tuesday, which represents the end of stage 5.

Day 17: Simon was able to get another 16 miles (climb of 912ft) done and get the total miles cycled up to 415m, just another 11 miles to go before he reaches half way. So he is on stage 6 heading towards the Beeches.

Day 18: Simon was able to get another 16 miles (climb of 912ft) done and get the total miles cycled up to 415m, just another 11 miles to go before he reach half way. He is on Stage 6 heading towards the Beeches.

Day 19: Simon completed a 23 mile ride, taking him over the half way mark and around 2 thirds of the way into Stage 6.

Day 20: Another meeting held and this time with the Andersen ward, Wythenshawe MBU

Day 21: Inbetween chattting to MBUs, and tired legs… Simon completed a 12 mile ride, which sees the end of stage 6 and the start of stage 7 towards Greenhaven.

Day 22: After a few days rest over half term, Simon got my legs back in to it with a quick 12 miles

Day 23: Another 12 miles completed this lunchtime; it sees stage 7 complete and onto stage 8, a longer stage of 60 miles . It’s great to see the status map filling up with green…

Day 24: Thursday night and Simon managed to sneak in a 45 minute ride, covering another 15 miles. This finally takes him over the 500 mile marker; total at 505m.

Day 25: A late lunch today and time in the saddle for 18 miles, 540 miles in total and over half way in stage 8. Simon  also met with Shelley from The Beeches this morning and had another great chat covering what APP offer on the partners side but also the grandparents cafés groups, Health Unlocked, the training side of APP, and the peer support.

Day 26: Simon is nearing the end of stage 8, with only 6 miles before he starts Stage 9. Simon also did an Instagram live with DadMatters whilst cycling!

Day 27:  Another 21 miles done today, which sees stage 8 complete and me Simon has got 15 miles into stage 9. It’s only 34 miles this one, so Simon is almost half way through already, heading towards the Barberry.

Day 28: Simon is now over two thirds of the way through, hitting a total mileage of 578. Another quick 15 miles last night sneaked in after work. Simon is pretty close to just 3 full stages to go, though the next one to Melbury Lodge is 133 miles! Onwards and upwards, looks like a 1000 ft climb is coming his way!

Day 29: A 910 ft climb and 19 miles, taking Simon to a total of 597 miles, the end of stage 9 and 15 miles into the larger stage 10. Simon also took part in an interview on BBC Radio Surrey -  tune in to 3.46 minutes  https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p09zf6j6

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 30: Simon managed to put in a 12 mile ride in amongst everything else, a busy day but it still means he is a few more peddles forward and 27 miles into stage 10. It’s fairly flat on this section and only small inclines. There’s a couple of 500 foot climbs later on in this stage but that’s pretty standard climbs on a lot of his sessions anyway.

Day 31: Simon has been on the saddle for 31 days so far! Today's session although small, only 14 miles, was a tough one, as Simon was later than normal getting on the bike and decided he needed to try and do a faster average speed. That short stint takes the total miles to 623 and 41 miles into stage 10.

Day 32: Friday morning and Simon had a virtual meet with the MBU at Birmingham and was joined by Hannah Bissett APPs National Coordinator (NHS Contracts & Regional Projects), and Natalie Thompson APPs Peer Support Facilitator, Birmingham and Solihull. Another hectic weekend but Simon managed a 25 mile ride on Sunday, so has now been 32 days in the saddle. He is around half way through stage 10 (66 miles) and a total mileage so far of 648.

Day 33: This is the second longest stage but Simon now has 192 miles to go until the overall finish. He has ridden a total of 660 miles, with a small 12 mile ride Monday night, leaving him with 52 miles left to ride in stage 10.

Day 34: Simon completed a 21 mile cycle tonight, bringing the total up to 681 miles and for stage 10 only 34 miles to do, before a meet up with Melbury Lodge MBU.

Day 35: Simon got on his bike first thing before work this morning  and did 12 miles. He had a catch up with the Brockington MBU on Thursday. It was lovely to talk to the staff, hear about the MBU, and chat about APPs partner support project. Simon found a little more time later in the day, jumped back on the bike wanting to finish stage 10 and rode 23 miles, making a total of 35 miles on day 35. This now means he is 1 mile into the start of stage 11; only a 136 miles left until the finish.

Day 36: The end of the cycle is getting ever closer. Simon is now 20 miles into stage 11, which leaves him a total of 117 miles left to complete the challenge.

Day 37: Simon completed a 24 mile ride this morning. Stage 11 completed and onto stage 12 the LAST stage! With now only 93 miles to the finish; so far he has ridden 759 miles over 37 days.

Day 38: Simon completed a 29 mile ride today, climbing a total of 755 feet, which leaves him just 64 miles until the finish line.

Day 39: Simon managed a small 10 miles tonight, leaves just 54 miles left to do.

Day 40: Simon managed to get a 35 mile ride done tonight; which leaves him only 19 miles left to ride tomorrow (Friday) , having ridden a total so far of 833 miles.  A poignant day for Simon today, meeting the staff at Melbury Lodge which is his nearest MBU. Simon is now close to his fundraising target and thanks go out to all those who’ve sponsored him.

Day 41: Simon has now finished stage 12, the last stage in his 852 mile cycle!

Simon says "It’s been great meeting the staff at the MBUs and hearing about what they’ve been doing especially with covid restrictions but there’s also been tough at times, dragging myself up the stairs when it would’ve been far nicer having a meal and then sitting on the sofa! I’ve also had moments where I was taken back through our own journey and also considered how much awareness and change APP have been a part of. Also had a few brilliant times in the virtual world of Zwift, when you just find yourself in a group of riders from around the world, in a pack all keeping up with each other, it just pulls you along and helps with motivation. Thanks to all those who have supported me."

FACTS AND FIGURES

Amount raised to date £1131.88   Equipment used
Total Distance travelled 852 miles   Mountain bike
Total Climbed 24,232 feet   Wahoo Kickr smart trainer
Challenge Completed over 41 days   Zwift (running on an iPad)
Total hours on challenge 45 hours 19 minutes   Fan – Big!
Average speed 18.8 mph   Towel…
Longest mileage in 1 session 45.2 miles   Me & legs!
Highest climb in 1 session 2345 feet    
Longest time in 1 session 2 hours 43 minutes    
Total fluids taken whilst cycling 45 litres    
Longest time in 1 session 2 hours 43 minutes    
Radio listened to Endless    
Latest ‘Dr Who’ series Watched 4 episodes
  • Hadn’t watched since I was a child, not telling who the Dr was!
Movies 2 – (1 Xmas movie!)

Status Map

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brockington MBU staff climb Snowdon for APP

Brockington Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) provides an inpatient mental health services to women experiencing psychological and emotional difficulties related to the latter stages of pregnancy, childbirth and early motherhood.

The Brockington staff climbed Snowdon on Saturday 2nd October 2021 to raise money for APP.

They said: “Any donation you can give, or even just a simple share of this fundraiser on Facebook, will help to change the lives of women affected by postpartum psychosis, as well as their babies and families”.

The team recently helped APP volunteer Gemma Vinter to plant 240 bulbs in the grounds of the MBU, which Gemma had sourced via donations from UK plant retailers. Gemma hopes that spending time outside with lots of lovely plants and flowers will encourage a little bit of “me time” to help the recovery of the patients, alongside the invaluable help and treatment that MBUs provide.

 

The Brockington MBU staff’s fundraiser has raised more than £1,300. We would like to say a huge thank you to all of the staff for supporting APP and to all who have donated.

If you have been inspired by the Brockington MBU Staff, we would love to support any fundraising ideas you have. Get in touch here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

29 September 2021

Our fab runners in this year's Virgin Money London Marathon

A huge thank you to our six amazing runners who took part in the 2021 Virgin Money London Marathon to raise awareness and money to support APP’s work; Jason Sales, Andy Rolfe, Sophie Raynor, Dave Orridge, Esther Land and Karen Lacey.

The Marathon took place on Sunday 3rd October, with 50,000 participants running on the streets of the capital, from Blackheath to The Mall.

On the same day, an additional 50,000 people had the chance to run a marathon distance wherever they were in the world by taking part in the virtual version of the event.

Jason says: "Brave women like my friend, APP Ambassador Laura Dockrill, have been coming forward to help break the stigma around mental health and postpartum psychosis. Ultimately, I’m doing this for all the mums out there as where would we be without them?” 

Laura says:“This is very important to know, the illness can corner you and tell you so many lies, that you’re alone, that you’re a burden, that nobody has felt this terrible, that you should feel guilt or shame - none of it is true. The bravest thing a person can do is ask for help, you’ll be met with open arms. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad mum. And there’s no ‘bad’ time to feel unwell. Find APP for more information and support.” 

You can still visit and donate to Jason’s fundraising page here.

Andy ran the London Landmarks Half Marathon for APP in August earlier this year. He’s supported APP again as he says: "APP has supported me and my partner Em, as well as many other families like ours, through recovery from a mental health illness that strikes new mothers. Em spent three months out of the first six months of our daughter’s life in a Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) suffering with postpartum psychosis (PP) and then postnatal depression (PND). APP has a support network in place that we have both used over the last few years as Em has recovered from the long term effects of this illness. I am proud to support them, proud to run for them, and proud of Em and what an amazing mother she is to our little girl."

You can still visit and donate to Andy’s fundraising page here.

Sophie is a student midwife and says: "After going through my own mental health struggles many know I’m passionate about speaking out and raising money for mental health charities and APP is a brilliant one to be supporting, helping women with postpartum psychosis. As a student midwife I identify even further with this charity and I think it’s so key for women to get the support they need with perinatal mental health issues as soon as possible so charities like this are essential and I’m proud to be running for them."

You can still visit and donate to Sophie’s fundraising page here.

 

 

Dave’s wife Esther experienced PP in 2017, and he says: “Not long after we welcomed our son to the world, my wife Esther developed a rare condition called PP. We’d never even heard about this mental illness that affects 1 in 1,000 new mothers. We’d only ever heard about postnatal depression - which is why it caught us both out of the blue. Thankfully with the professional support from the local NHS Perinatal Team, Esther recovered. I want to raise awareness of PP and APP which specifically supports new mothers (and their partners) with the condition.” 

You can still visit and donate to Dave’s fundraising page here.

 

Esther was a midwife for 18 years and qualified as a health visitor in 2018. She ran the virtual London Marathon for APP last year and is supporting APP again as she says: “APP is a charity close to my heart personally and professionally. We are in desperate need of a MBU here in North Wales and I am hoping to raise more awareness and highlight the need for such vital facilities for families experiencing postpartum psychosis”.

You can still visit and donate to Esther’s fundraising section on her Facebook page here.

Karen who is now a health visitor and a nurse lecturer experienced psychosis after the birth of her first baby 20 years ago and says: “My psychiatrist wanted to admit me to hospital, and I was desperate to be somewhere safe but with no access to an MBU I was allowed to stay at home as my partner took time off work to look after me and our baby. We had twice weekly psychiatrist visits and CPN support. Fast forward 20 years and there is still no MBU.”

You can still visit and donate to Karen’s fundraising page here.

Karen and Esther

Our six runners have raised more than £4,900 for APP. We would like to thank Jason, Andy, Sophie, Dave, Esther and Karen for supporting APP and everyone who has donated.

If you have been inspired by our runners, we would love to support any fundraising ideas you have. Get in touch here.

8 September 2021

Michelle and Sinead’s 10 mile Paddle Board for APP

A huge thank you to Michelle Bell, one of APP’s volunteers, and her friend Sinead who completed a 10 mile paddle board along the River Thames near Oxford in September to raise awareness and money to support APP’s work.

Michelle said: “Around 10 years ago after giving birth I was hospitalised with postpartum psychosis (PP). I was initially admitted to an adult mental health ward and later transferred to a Mother and Baby Unit where my daughter stayed with me.”

 

Michelle and Sinead started their paddle board on 12th September and paddled another stretch on 17th September. They completed the 10 miles on 24th September.

They had lovely weather on all days of the challenge, and saw lots of birds along the way.

Their fundraiser has raised more than £460. We would like to thank Michelle and Sinead for supporting APP and all who have donated

You can still visit and donate to their fundraising page here.

If you have been inspired by Michelle and Sinead, we would love to support any fundraising ideas you have. Get in touch here.

 

Alice’s ‘Olympic distance’ triathlons over twelve months

Alice Stroud, one of APP’s volunteers, is taking part in five triathlons over the next twelve months working towards the Olympic triathlon distance, to raise awareness and money to support APP’s work. Alice has never done a triathlon before, and the first event she is taking part in is on 25th  and 26th September 2021 at Hever Castle.

 

Triathlon is an endurance sport that combines swimming, road cycling and distance running, performed in that order. Events are conducted over a variety of distances but the 'Olympic distance' for men and women is a 1,500-metre swim, 40km bike ride and 10km run. The race is completed with no breaks from start to finish.

Alice experienced psychosis twice during pregnancy in 2019 and into 2020, and said; ‘"APP offered peer and group support along with information to me and my family, which helped me stay focused and feel supported. The first face to face group (Covid-19 delayed) was such an important environment to discuss mine and my family’s journey.

Raising money can help others have the opportunity and support to enable their recovery and I will therefore swim, cycle and run as far as I can get to the Olympic distance triathlon goal in the next 12 months."

Below is a video of Alice at her first triathlon;

Alice’s fundraiser has already raised more than £1,600. We would like to say a huge thank you to Alice for supporting APP and to all who have donated so far.

You can visit and donate to Alice’s fundraising page here.

If you have been inspired by Alice, we would love to support any fundraising ideas you have. Get in touch here

7 September 2021

Amy runs the Great North Run for APP

A huge thank you to Amy Shaw who ran the Great North Run on Sunday 12th September 2021 to raise awareness and money to support APP’s work. Amy’s sister-in-law Katherine experienced PP in 2020 and was hospitalised for four months during lockdown. Katherine, her husband, Amy and some other friends are planning a number of different runs, of which Amy's challenge on 12th was the first.

Katherine said: “This time last year in the height of lockdown I lay in a hospital bed in Brockington Mother and Baby Unit thinking my life would never return to normal, and I would never feel like myself again. One year on and I proved myself wrong. I spent a time being cross that no one talks about things that could happen postpartum, I was so scared. I did not understand my illness and felt very alone in what I was experiencing.

APP’s Insider Guides and leaflets really helped me to understand what had happened to me, and reading other women’s stories was a great comfort, helping me to realise I was not alone. When I was lost and scared Amy sat at my feet, held my hand and told me I would find me again.”

You can read more about Katherine’s story here.

After the run Amy said: “It was a really good day and I was pleased with my time of 2.17 hrs which is a Great North Run and half marathon personal best for me.”

Amy’s fundraiser has raised more than £1,770. We would like to thank Amy and Katherine for supporting APP, and everyone who has donated.

You can still visit and donate to her fundraising page here.

If you have been inspired by Amy, we would love to support any fundraising ideas you have. Get in touch here.

6 September 2021

Katherine’s story: "The best view definitely comes after the hardest climb".

My husband and I were very lucky in that it didn’t take long after we were married to conceive. When the positive pregnancy test came, my husband was over the moon but I struggled to believe my eyes and sent him to the shops to buy another test! I ended up taking a few before the reality actually sunk in and I could be confident in celebrating, but once it had we were both over the moon!

I absolutely loved being pregnant - it was an amazing feeling growing another little human. In the grand scheme of things my pregnancy was a breeze; I had the usual morning sickness but on the whole I felt pretty good all the way through (although, why they call it ‘morning sickness’ is beyond me... I had it all day!)

When I was 35 weeks pregnant lockdown hit the country, so I began working from home and worked up until I was 37 weeks pregnant. My work consumed my time and my thoughts, and if I’m honest, I hadn’t really given the whole idea of labour much thought.

As soon as I stopped working, however, there was a void and I felt quite lost; this meant I had time to think... or should I say overthink!

The idea of labour hit me and to be honest I wasn’t feeling good about it - I was so scared. But in April of the first lockdown, our lovely baby Jude was born. 

Despite the difficult Covid situation, the midwives at the hospital were just amazing and even worked over the time of their shift to deliver our bundle of joy.

In the first few days after birth, like any new mum I was emotionally delicate and felt a spectrum of emotions. My body felt like it had been hit by a bus! But we were in awe of Jude and so excited to bring him home. Naturally, we just wanted to share him with loved ones, but the pandemic meant we couldn’t do this in the way we wanted. I just craved hugs!

When people say in jest “be prepared for those sleepless nights” they are NOT kidding! I was exhausted and definitely suffered from sleep deprivation. Even when I did get the chance to sleep, I was unable to switch off and sleep soundly.

Then, exactly a week after I gave birth, I experienced a psychotic episode. It came on really quickly and escalated - in just ten minutes I went from feeling like myself to becoming a shaking wreck. My thoughts were racing and I was trying to write them down on my phone to get them out of my head but I couldn’t type quickly enough. I didn’t tell anyone about these racing thoughts but very quickly, they turned into delusions.

I believed that tapping my phone rapidly would transfer the thoughts from my head into my phone, and I thought rubbing my hands or tapping on myself quickly would slow down time. I began thinking about God creating the world in seven days and believed I could now understand how he did it. I started to think I was the second coming and that Jude’s birth was linked to this.

I was unable to swallow my food and was convinced that if I flushed the toilet it would trigger a Noah’s Ark type situation.

My mum and husband tried to get me to sleep and rang the hospital where I had given birth as they were so worried about me. They were advised to take me back into hospital. My husband drove us and my mum stayed at home to look after Jude. My delusions became much worse on the way and I believed the car was going to crash and that we would die. I then started to believe that the things that happened to Jesus would happen to me – betrayal, disbelief, crucifixion. I also became confused about who was who, and at one point thought that my husband was my dad.

I was given medication and diagnosed with postpartum psychosis. I woke up the next day feeling confused and I still had some strange beliefs but eventually I was calm enough to be discharged back home with the support of the crisis team.

Over the following months I continued to struggle at home. I experienced a range of emotions, and desperately hoped it would all pass and get better. But it just got worse...

I experienced panic attacks, I lost my appetite, I had blurry vision, mood swings, I felt numb and spaced out, I had constant anxiety and difficulty concentrating. Day to day things such as cooking became impossible as I was unable to process things, and I became obsessive with making lists and tidying. It felt as if the enjoyment had been sucked out of everything. I didn’t know long I could continue to go on for like this. I finally built up the courage to ask for help and admitted myself to a Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) where I spent a total of four months. I was lucky to get a bed just an hour away from home – something that isn’t currently a possibility for everyone and some mothers are admitted to a general psychiatric ward and separated from their babies.

Going to an MBU ensured I was able to recover with our baby by my side, but it was still a difficult journey being in a hospital environment and I found myself watching the clock all day every day and, due to COVID, visits were restricted to three times a week for just one hour per visit.

That being said, the staff were second to none. They were so caring and supportive and ensured you were listened to every step of the way; they were a real credit to the NHS! I also made friends with some of the other mums too, which made life a little less lonely.

It got worse before it got better, however, and my anxieties eventually turned into a severe depression. Now I know that the illness just had to run it’s course, however at the time it felt as if I’d never recover. Sometimes, when you’re in the midst of mental illness, you just can’t see any way out.

I was so home sick that I asked for day release - all I wanted to do was walk along the river. My leave was granted and we did what I’d been dreaming of for so long. For me this was the turning point; it was like the flick of a switch. The fog lifted and for the first time in a long time I felt more like myself. It was only a few weeks after this that I was fully discharged and able to continue my recovery from home with the family.

This is why I wanted to tell my story - to share hope with anyone out there suffering and seeing no way out.

If that’s you, you might not believe me now, but hold on and keep going. I promise it does get better.

And to my friends and family who checked in with me regularly, sent beautiful gifts through the post and held my hand when I was lost I want to say thank you - you helped me find me again.

Being ill for so long and having to fight so hard has given me a different perspective on life; it has made me appreciate and cherish all the little things so much more. Watching Jude grow and learn new things is my greatest joy. The best view definitely comes after the hardest climb.

1 September 2021

Our three fabulous runners in this year's London Landmarks Half Marathon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A huge thank you to our three amazing runners who took part in this year’s London Landmarks Half Marathon (LLHM) on Sunday 1st August to raise awareness and money to support APP’s work; Andy Rolfe, Kirsty Curtis, and Emma.

The LLHM takes in some of the capital's world-famous landmarks on closed roads in central London and is the only half marathon to go through both the City of London and City of Westminster. The race started by The Strand, and finished by Downing Street and included views of London’s most iconic landmarks including Big Ben, St Paul’s Cathedral, Nelson’s Column, the Gherkin, the Shard, the Tower of London and the London Eye. With 11,000 runners the atmosphere and support on the route was joyful. Not to mention the incredible fancy dress: from the Spice Girls, Bagpuss, a wind turbine(!), penguins and much more…

Andy says: "I ran this half marathon to raise awareness and funds for APP, who have supported my family ever since my partner Emily was admitted to a Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) for psychiatric care in 2017.

Thanks to the wonderful NHS staff and APP support she has made a full recovery, and our family is healthy and happy. Since recovering, Emily has started volunteering for APP, sharing our experiences with new MBU staff and other medical professions. APP has developed an online community for those affected by this illness and is working hard to provide support whenever and wherever they can.

This is the work I want to help continue, so that other families receive even better support than we did, and to minimise the impact of the illness on people’s lives."

After the event Andy said: ‘I'm really happy with the fundraising effort and all the people who backed me/contributed to APP. I had a pretty good run for most of the race, although it dropped off in the last few miles, so I ran in 1 hour 45 minutes in the end. Next stop is the full marathon in London in October which I am also running for APP’.”

You can still visit and donate to Andy’s JustGiving page here.

Kirsty says: "When my daughter was just five days old I became very unwell with postpartum psychosis (PP). After a few months of feeling ok, or so I thought, I stopped the medication and had a relapse. This time the amazing perinatal team felt something else needed to be done so I was admitted to a MBU in Bournemouth to recover. As hard as it was being away from my husband and son, I received amazing care for about four weeks.

During my recovery I found the amazing APP, which allowed me to meet others who have also been through PP, making me feel less isolated and alone. If it wasn’t for APP and the women I met through them, my recovery journey could have been a lot longer and harder.”

After the event Kirsty : “The race was really good, and the atmosphere was great. My time was 2 hrs 23 mins, roughly what I was aiming for so I was happy with the result. It was so lovely to meet Emma after the race and hopefully we will keep in contact with each other too.” 

You can still visit and donate to Kirsty’s JustGiving page here.

Our three runners have raised more than £2,600 for APP.  We would like to thank Andy, Kirsty and Emma for supporting APP and everyone who has donated.

If you have been inspired by our runners, we would love to support any fundraising ideas you have. Get in touch here.

29 August 2021

Fiona's story: "When I became pregnant the second time around, I was much more sure of what I needed".

Fiona Putnam shares her experience of getting pregnant again having experienced postpartum psychosis.

I suffered from postpartum psychosis in 2015 after the birth of my first child, prematurely, at 31 weeks. My episode culminated in a suicide attempt and I stayed on a psychiatric ward and on a Mother and Baby Unit for two months while I put myself slowly back together (with the support of the staff there, my husband, my friends and family).

In 2018, knowing the risk of relapse, I got pregnant again and gave birth to my son. Despite complications with my physical health (I had a dangerous condition called Acreta, where the placenta attaches to the old c-section scar) I remained well, with the support of a fabulous midwife, a prophylactic anti-psychotic, my fabulous mum friends who had been so supportive when I was ill first time around, and my very nervous friends and family!

By day five, post hysterectomy and birth, the professionals knew that my chances of becoming unwell with pp had lessened, although the depression that I suffered from after my first episode did return. Second time around, I was much more sure of what I needed and sat in a doctor’s waiting room as he contemplated what to do with me and said, uncharacteristically, “I’m not leaving this room until you prescribe me an anti-depressant”

Mental illness can make you much more badass when you know you’re becoming unwell!

When my sleep was impacted by the depression, I got scared of more serious symptoms returning and fought to have a room on the mother and baby unit again. I was actually only there a week, as the medication kicked in quickly the second time around. The thing that struck me in that week was doing a drama therapy session (a bit of a bus man’s holiday as I worked for many years as an actor) where I drew a picture of what my ideal family life would look like, all sat around a fire, toasting marshmallows and laughing: just months later, I realised that that picture had become a reality, as we sat with friends on our allotment on bonfire night, my new baby in my arms. As with my daughter, I did struggle in that first year (the baby stage is not my favourite!) but I just accepted that I found it hard and didn’t send any more arrows my way.

When my son was one, I became energised for my career again, and started to retrain as a mindfulness teacher.

Mindfulness was a lifesaver for me when I was unwell. I set up my own coaching company, having spent years waiting for others to see my talents!, and I resumed writing with my writing partner, novelist Nuala Calvi, who I met at a group for mums who were struggling post-birth. This year I have started working part-time for the NHS as a peer engagement facilitator, working with women who are struggling postnatally, just like I did. It’s a great privilege to use my lived experience to help other women and to show them that mental illness doesn’t have to break you; it can, in fact, be a gift. I wouldn’t wish my experience on anyone, but I can honestly say it has been the greatest gift I’ve ever been given in life, along with my two gorgeous, loud, effervescent children.