Remembrance

There are lots of ways to remember your loved one, which can be appropriate for different ages, and different stages in yours and your children’s grief timelines. Here are some ideas from other families:

  • Creating a scrapbook, with pictures of your partner and your children, along with some words to accompany them, is a great way to look back at them together. You can talk to your baby/children about their mum, so the memory becomes more of a positive experience with time. You could also ask people to share their memories of your partner’s life and create a booklet of phrases and quotes about them.
  • Keeping some special clothes and turning them into a Memory Bear, especially if you have a child who is too young to remember their mummy.
  • Naming or reserving a special place, such as a place in a park, or a tree, can create happy memories.
  • Jewellery or artwork made from your loved one’s ashes can be a nice way to keep them close to you, for example Ashes with Art.

Birthdays and anniversaries of important dates are going to be tough. Plan things to do as a family to mark these events in a meaningful way or make a plan to distract yourselves as a family.

Whether it’s through fundraising or awareness, you might want to create or continue a legacy for your partner to help them live on way after they have gone. This could be through sharing their beliefs and values with your children and your family, writing about them and what they brought to the world, or supporting a particular cause they were passionate about.

You can create memorials in so many ways, even on social media. People can share memories of, or leave messages to, that person, for example via Facebook or Instagram.

Someone told me not long after I lost my wife that ‘People die twice: once in real life, and again when they stop talking about them.’ I was desperate for no one to ever stop talking about her, so on special occasions e.g. her birthday, or World Mental Health Day, I would ask people on my social media to share something positive they remember about her, or a funny anecdote involving them.

How you can help APP raise funds, awareness or campaign for change

Some people find that doing something positive in memory of their loved one is a way to help them channel their grief. This may not be something you can face thinking about immediately, or even for months, years, or ever - only you will know what’s right for you. But if this is something you’d like to find out more about, contact our team and we’ll support you to do whatever works for you.

There are various ways you could do this - through fundraising, awareness raising or campaigning.

We have supported partners, friends and families to organise events or take on challenges in memory of someone they have lost to PP. Fundraising in this way can also be an incredible way to raise awareness of PP, which could help to save lives in future. In the past, fundraisers have completed physical challenges including marathons, sponsored walks, cycle rides, skydives or open water swims. If you need any help finding the right event for you, get in touch with us at fundraising@app-network.org.

You may choose to hold an event to celebrate the life of your loved one - it could be a music evening, an afternoon tea or even a pub quiz - perhaps you could base it on something they enjoyed or felt passionate about. You might be surprised at how many people will want to support you and show how much they care.

Other families have chosen to help raise awareness through telling their stories and sharing their experiences to help others understand what PP is and the impact it can have. Or you may feel you want to get involved with campaigning for services, or training health professionals, to help ensure better treatment and support for other women and families in future.

If there are particular areas of service delivery, research, support or training that you would like to address with your fundraising, talk to us and we can think how APP can help you achieve your aims or create a lasting legacy in your loved one’s name.

Whatever you decide, it’s so important to take care of yourself and not take on too much too soon. For some people, getting stuck into fundraising or campaigning immediately is exactly what they need, but for others it’s definitely not - there will never be any pressure from APP to do anything at any time. We’re here to support you when and if you decide the time is right.

I had, and still have, the mindset of wanting to use my wife’s tragic story as a force for good, to help others. I feel that if raising awareness of the dangers of PP, and what people can do when they spot it, can save at least two lives, then her death won’t have been in vain. I decided I wanted to raise money for APP through a big physical challenge, so with a group of friends I decided to cycle just under 500 miles in five days, from my wife’s mother’s place of birth in Glasgow, down to her hometown near Oxford. Not only did it gain a great deal of social media coverage and raise a lot of money, but it also enabled me to have a focus, a distraction from my grief, which was pivotal in those first few months.

Training as a bereavement peer supporter

If, at some point on your journey, you find you want to train to support others, do come along to our bereaved families group (pictured below) and meet the team. APP offers training in peer support and can support you to become a bereaved family volunteer, providing support and information to other families. To find out more, email: app@app-network.org.