Supporting your children with grief

When a mum experiences postpartum psychosis and takes actions that result in her own death, that loss has a devastating impact on the whole family. You are likely to have complicated feelings, including your own intense grief to manage. It may feel difficult to carry out even basic tasks, let alone to give your child/ren the support they need. This guidance provides practical support and specialist resources for families dealing with a mum’s death due to PP.

When a parent or primary caregiver ends their own life, the impact on children is different from other types of death. Children often blame themselves and may experience feelings of shame, guilt, anger, and abandonment. Without the right support, these feelings can lead to low self-esteem, poor mental health, and risk-taking behaviour.

If you are struggling to support your child, or need to talk to someone yourself, please reach out. There is help available for people in your situation. Click here for a list of support organisations.

Talking openly about what happened and their mum as a person will help them feel comfortable asking questions and sharing their feelings over time. It will also help them access the right specialist support.

Open, honest conversations will help children process their grief, ask questions, and access appropriate support. Age-appropriate honesty fosters trust, avoids confusion, and reassures children that they are not alone.

If you are worried about that a loved one is at risk of suicide, ask them directly if they are having any thoughts of ending their life or harming themselves. This gives them an opportunity to talk to you about how they are feeling and helps them find the right support. Research shows that talking about suicide does not increase a child’s risk of self-harm. We know that people who experience suicide bereavement face a higher risk of ending their own lives, particularly those who lose their mum to suicide during early childhood, so it is important we help them access support when needed.

Talking openly about their mum’s death is crucial in helping children navigate their grief in a healthy way. Avoiding the topic or providing vague explanations can lead to confusion and distress. Children often sense when they are not being told the full truth, which can lead to mistrust and anxiety.

• Prevents confusion and fear – Without clear explanations, children may create their own, often more distressing, narratives.
• Builds trust – When children feel they are being told the truth, they are more likely to feel safe asking questions and expressing emotions.
• Provides access to the right support – Understanding what has happened helps children process their grief and seek specialist help if needed.
• Reduces distress in the future – The truth often emerges later, whether through overhearing conversations, discussions at school or media coverage following an inquest. Learning it early from a trusted adult can prevent additional pain and feelings of betrayal.
• Reassures them that they were loved – Children may feel abandoned or believe their mum’s death means she didn’t love them. Explaining that she was very unwell can help counter these thoughts.

If you previously provided a different explanation, it is never too late to tell the truth and it’s always in a child’s best interests to know what happened. You can acknowledge that you wanted to protect them but now feel it’s important to be honest. Reassure them that it’s okay to ask questions and express their feelings.

Explaining that their mum has died by suicide may feel overwhelming, but children cope best when they hear the truth from someone they love and trust. Research shows that talking about suicide does not increase a child’s risk of self-harm. If the truth wasn’t shared at first, it is never too late.

• Use clear, age-appropriate language – Explain that death is permanent and avoid vague phrases like “gone to sleep” or that she is “up in heaven.”
• Provide simple, honest details – Help them understand with language they can process: “Mum took too many tablets on purpose that stopped her body working. The doctors tried to help, but she had already died.”
• Be mindful of terminology – Instead of “committed suicide,” say “died by suicide”, “killed herself” or “took her own life” as committed is a word associated with sins and crimes many feel implies wrongdoing and reinforces stigma.
• Clarify that it wasn’t a rational choice to die – Explain that their mum’s actions were due to an illness that made her think in a way she normally wouldn’t.
• Reassure them – Let them know they are loved, and it was not their fault. Counter feelings of guilt or self-blame.
• Encourage questions – Let them ask at their own pace and reassure them it’s okay not to have all the answers.
• Validate emotions – Acknowledge sadness, anger, or confusion. Emphasise that all feelings are normal and acceptable.
• Talk in comfortable settings – Some children open up more during activities like walking, gaming or crafting.
• Repeat information as needed – Children, especially younger ones, may ask the same questions repeatedly as they process their grief.

Everyone processes grief differently, and for children, having ways to remember their mum can provide comfort and a sense of connection. It is especially important when dealing with complicated grief after a parent has ended their own life. Encourage remembrance in a way that feels natural for your child and allow them to take the lead in how they want to engage.

• Creating a memory box – Fill a box with special items such as photos, letters, jewellery, or a piece of her clothing that carries her scent. This can provide comfort and a tangible way to feel close to her.
• Writing letters or drawing pictures – Encourage children to write to their mum or create artwork to express their emotions. This can be an outlet for grief and a way of continuing a bond with her.
• Choosing something meaningful for the funeral or grave – Some children may want to place a flower, a special drawing, or a small gift on their mum’s coffin or their mum’s final resting place as a way of saying goodbye.
• Holding a special remembrance day – Marking their mum’s birthday or another significant date by visiting her favourite place, playing her favourite music, or doing an activity she enjoyed.
• Family rituals and storytelling – Sharing positive memories and stories about their mum can keep her presence alive and help children feel connected to her legacy.
• Making something in her memory – This could be a scrapbook, a video, or growing her favourite flowers in the garden. These things allow the child to engage creatively with their memories.
• Get others involved – Family members can be invited to make a special patchwork quilt to express their love so your child can wrap themself up in all the support around them.
• Wearing a keepsake – A locket with a picture of their mum, a bracelet with her handwriting, or a teddy made from her clothes can provide comfort.
• Planting a tree or flowers – Creating a growing, living tribute can be a peaceful and reflective way to remember their mum. Harvesting fruit and making special recipes with the produce can be a special way to remember her with the passing of the seasons.
• Cooking her favourite meal – Preparing a meal she loved and sharing it with family can be a meaningful tradition.
• Raising awareness or supporting a cause – Older children and teenagers may want to take part in fundraising or awareness-raising activities for postpartum psychosis or maternal mental health causes.

Certain dates—such as their mum’s birthday, Mother’s Day, Suicide Prevention Day, or the anniversary of her death—may bring up big emotions for children. Sometimes, the lead-up to these dates can feel harder than the day itself. Let your child know it’s okay to feel however they feel and create a plan together for how they’d like to acknowledge or spend the day.

• Allow them to choose how to mark the occasion – Some children may want to do something special, while others may prefer a quiet day.
• Talk about their feelings in advance – Ask your child how they’re feeling about the upcoming date and what they’d like to do.
• Be flexible – Grief can change over time. What feels right one year may feel different the next.
• Offer a balance of remembrance and normality – Honouring their mum’s memory is important but so is allowing space for fun and everyday activities.

For some children and teenagers, grief can be a catalyst for finding meaning and purpose. As they grow older, they may want to channel their experience into helping others.

• Volunteering for a mental health or bereavement charity – Many people who have experienced childhood bereavement feel a sense of purpose in supporting others going through similar experiences.
• Public speaking or writing – Some young people choose to share their story in a school assembly or through an article to raise awareness of maternal mental health or suicide bereavement.
• Advocacy work – Joining organisations that campaign for better support for families affected by postpartum psychosis or suicide bereavement can help children feel they are making a difference.

It is not uncommon for those who have experienced loss at a young age to later take steps to reduce similar tragedies in the future. If your child expresses an interest in this, encourage them while ensuring they have the emotional support they need.

Remembering their mum in ways that feel natural and meaningful can provide children with comfort, stability, and a continuing bond with her. Let them take the lead in choosing what feels right for them and reassure them that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Providing options and ongoing support ensures they feel safe in their grief journey.

• Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SoBS) – Support for people over 18.
• Winston’s Wish – For bereaved children, young people and their families and professionals supporting them.
• Suicide&Co – Helpline and free counselling for over 18s bereaved by suicide.
• Child Bereavement UK – For bereaved children, young people and their families and professionals supporting them.
• Alfie’s Squad - online and in-person peer support for suicide bereaved children aged 8-17.
• Bags for Strife – a project sending out free bags containing a special selection of items to support people bereaved by suicide.